Yet ANOTHER never-been-loved loser in need of advice

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some thoughts. I was not bullied in school, nor did I bully. Bullying disgusted me. My emotional maturity, when it came to compassion, was actually far above my peers. I was bullied horribly at home by my father, and being that I spent far more time at home I think I probably got the raw end of the stick. I don't believe in social 'maturity', I believe there is an innate ability to 'shuck and jive' and there is ability (or not) to compensate for a deficit in that area. NT's bully because of perceived lack that they are trying to obfuscate. In physical bullying a lot of times you are seeing an abused child in repetition compulsion. It is the bullying, not the target, that is abnormal and antisocial and needs adjustment.

@ the original post author you are not a 'loser'. Your best avenue is to put yourself in environments where you have interests in common with others and kiss-off socially brainwashed knuckle draggers that want you to mirror the inadequacy they feel deep within themselves. A lot of times it's because they are not being true to themselves and just following the herd because they lack the inner courage to march to the beat of their own drum. When they see someone with the courage to stick to their guns, their own fear comes up and they go weird, hence the bullying.

I watched high school reunion, the show, recently, and this one guy confonted a bully who made his school life miserable. It turns out the bully ended up being, still, a lousy jerk of a person who was a vocal bigot and alcoholic and he was asked to leave the property by his classmates. The bullied kid was a good compassionate person who was happy in his own life. The sooner you see the bullying types for the insecure bags of hot air they are the sooner you can value your own strengths and the depth being different has afforded you, even at the young age of 18. Your life will open up, the most important thing is to make the effort to place yourself around people with common interests. The more you do this the more romantic prospects you have. And as far as your history you don't have to disclose what you have and haven't done to anyone. I have been around alot of women coming out as gay that think they have to tell everyone that they are still a 'virgin' in respect to coming out. No one cares, they didn't and you don't owe anyone an explanation of your romantic exploits. If anyone asks, just say you don't kiss and tell. My own experience with guys at that age is that lot of them were clumsy, insecure, inept, etc no matter how much experience they had or said they had, (I drank heavily in college so I experienced my share of them). Not to get too technical but none of the stuff you are worrying about really matters in regard to what will happen for you in the future. It Will happen.

Mostly it's just a few sketches, and an odd painting here and here. And yes, you may, as soon as I get them online.

Well, for those suggesting I go to where people my age are, I have a few problems,

1. Unable to drive I have to rely on my parents to drive me around, mother doesn't feel like it half the time and that goes for my father as well.

2. I always feel uneasy whenever around people my age, and any time I miraculously talk to a girl, I find out they already have boyfriends.

The way this looks, I feel like I have a better chance of being hit by lightning than ever having a relationship anytime soon.

Hm.

Well, then your outlook isn't far from the truth. The ability to drive, or otherwise go places without relying on another person is pretty critical. In that case it's not exactly your fault because your options are limited.

I suggest that:
a) Since you don't have a job or car, don't sweat it quite so much, and don't beat yourself up. You're not going to be able to get out and be all too social because of the transportation barrier. So no need to feel like a loser; this is out of your hands.... Somewhat.
b) You should focus on doing what it takes to get a car, and a higher degree of independence. Your social life and potential romantic life is stymied by lack of independence, so giving either of those focus is somewhat of a waste of energy. Instead, first focus on addressing your transportation and independence.

After you've got those hurdles behind you, then you're ready to prosper socially.
And bare in mind... although it may seem like your peers are ahead of you, they aren't really, and not by much, if at all. Either their parents are paying for their s**t, and their independence is a total illusion(which they're hoping people don't realize), or they've got a job and are working hard to upkeep their social life and independence. It's one or the other. So don't feel like you're lagging, because that'd be falling for the illusion that some of 'em put up. For the others, you can catch up. Once you have an income, you will be set free, and can pursue your social life to it's fullest.

Bare in mind, independence is an expression of strength and stability. Thus, women typically find that very attractive. They pay a lot of attention to those things, particularly at 18+. So just think of it like you need to nail the pre-requisites before you move on to the next step. Skipping those prior steps is unrealistic. Therefore, no shame, no guilt, and no embarrassment is deserved.

Women are very, very shallow and judgmental in their late teens, early twenties. A woman is more likely to understand or not care about the not driving at a later age. On top of that, I'm assuming that the OP's social skills and appearance leave a lot to be desired. I know shy really good looking guys who've had women make the first move on them. Unfair or not...a guy that has really bad social/life skills and doesn't have really, really good looks to make up for it doesn't stand a chance, and the really really good looking socially awkward guy would be dumped sooner than later anyway. The OP should work on getting together what he can get together, and if he's that desperate for female attention, to take advantage of the internet and befriend local women and meet someone who understands.

I get the impression the OP is another "I'm a shy/socially clueless guy that wants a hot girl" type...in which case, just stop the dream right now and work on yourself.

Oi!

Maybe consider wooing girls with your artwork

therange - you sound very bitter.

No, I'm cynical, there's a difference. People like the OP are wasting precious time complaining about being girlfriend-less instead of focusing on other areas of life. The women will come. Even Danny Devito is married.

People who've never had a girlfriend or dated a woman seem to think it's a status symbol or sign of success to have a girlfriend. Relationships are a lot of hard work, even for NTs.

I can't argue with that, that's for sure.

As for focusing on bigger areas of life, the main things my focus is are trying to get into college, learning to drive, and looking for a job. Those are the big three, for me.

It's still a bit frustrating to see other people with dates and such, but it doesn't really bother me like it used to.

Unless you think you're fixing to get married at 22, or something, trust me, you're not actually missing out on much. Enjoy life, focus on yourself, nail those logistics like you said(good man!), reap the benefits, and then enjoy and appreciate those parts of life. That'll get you well ahead of the game. You'll be far better positioned to pursue cool chicks after you make headway on those things.

The guys who have not made headway on those items, including garnering a positive outlook on life, will have a tenuous hold(at best) on the attention of the women they know. Strive to be solid and independent while they slack, then take a look around you and see that the eyes are drawn toward you, now.

Well, here's a small step forward, if I've ever seen one.

I've just recieved a comformation for an Open House event at my local university this month. This will allow me to see all the sights, get to know the campus, and vice versa. It would seem as the advice I've recieved here is paying off, and I'd like to thank those responsible for giving it.

When I was in college, most of the boys my age were virgins - I wouldn't worry about it a bit. Also, high school can be a nearly impossible place to find a decent companion. Go to college. If you're seriously into art, go to an art school. You don't have to drive if you live on campus, which would also put you in contact with people your age. And if you go to an art school(or a school where people have similar interests as you), you're likely to meet people with similar sensibilities, as well. I went to an art school and even though I'm totally antisocial, it was a lot of fun and I actually had friends - at the same time, because quirkiness was appreciated, I could easily take the time I needed for solitude without anyone bothering me. If you want to meet girls, college is a great place. My husband and I met during our freshman year.

Someone above mentioned moving to nyc because you don't have to drive. They're totally right. I lived there for 10 years without a car though I did find the city itself overwhelming - maybe go for a visit...
Good luck!

Thanks.

Look bro. I'm not pretending for a second to be an expert on picking up girls and I'm especially no expert on getting into a relationship as I haven't been in one. However, I have hooked up with 20-30 chicks at parties and I'm your age so I have some advice for you:

First: Don't keep dwelling on the fact that you have Asperger's. Don't let that consume your mind. If you think about how you are "most likely" going to fail just because you have Asperger's, you will. I know this probably sounds cliche but it really isnt. I think a big part of Asperger's is mental (obviously) but I mean mental in the sense that it is self-induced most of the time. Asperger's isnt necessarily a damper on getting girls. Don't forget, we are usually a hell of alot smarter than our non asperger's counterparts and despite what pop culture might tell you, smart guys get girls...its biological. At the most basic biological level, girls want a guy who can protect them and properly provide for their young. A smarter guy is more able to do this and subconsciously, they know that. Now that doesn't mean start talking about quantam mechanics at a party (unless you meet a cute physicist chick or something . Point is, don't think about having Asperger's

Second: Be natural. Just be yourself. I've noticed that people dislike me for no apparent reason when I'm feeling less genuine with myself. This is what I meant in the above paragraph about Asperger's being self induced. When we are self conscious because of past failure, it makes the problem ten times worse. Be yourself, and relax.

Third: Change your mentality about getting girls. Don't try to be so aware of what you think they think about you. You are most likely wrong or will soon be wrong because you are thinking about it too much and end up acting self conscious/unconfident. Don't forget, you are evaluating them as much as they are you. I now go into social scenarios with girls thinking about THEIR problems. Maybe the girl's ears are too big, maybe she has a weird voice, maybe she has really small boobs...i dont know, but focus on their imperfections in your mind. That helps with the confidence. Don't just dwell on what you think is wrong with yourself. I know this may sound superficial but they're being superficial just out of their biological, human nature and their need to size up a guy subconsciously to see if he is a suitable partner ect.

I hope some of this stuff helps. I know some of it sounds super cliche and I'm sure alot of this stuff has been told to you countless times already but just give it a shot. I promise results.

Going to college allows you to get to know a lot of people. When you go for a visit, see what kind of social things they have on campus (stuff that would allow you to get to know people) and if it's a 'suitcase college' (a college where people go home on the weekends). I go to junior college now but don't really get to know anyone because I don't live on campus and there aren't any social activities anyway...the school I hope to go to next year I think I'll fit in quite well, though.

I also don't really drive, so maybe I know how you feel. I used to drive, but I haven't very much for a few months. It's hard to get to know people if you can't get involved in activities, and that's hard if you don't have transportation. Like others suggested, a job is a way to get to know people and save for a car (or other forms of transportation). I'll be getting a summer job but probably not where other teens work. When I bought my car, I saved up ____ amount of money and my parents matched that amount. It was a pretty good plan if your parents would be open to that. I hope that helps a little :]

I know you feel left behind and want the girlfriend and sex and romance and everything because you see other people having it, but for now, concentrate on step number one...making a female friend, learning what it's like to talk to and be around a female. You're 18, you have plenty of time. I even know a girl that's 25 and pretty as hell and never had a boyfriend or dated a guy (probably hasn't had sex.) There's no race.

So either work on making female friends or just worry about getting your act together. I know that's not what you want to hear, but dwelling on what you can't have at the moment isn't any better.