Cheating: Men vs Women

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Although I realize you're hyperbolizing, that's .... A LOT of people who'd be dying of AIDS.
More than you might think.

Good. Actually might make a dent in the overpopulation in that case.

Though I said should, so it's purely hypothetical of course.

Just because a lot of people do it doesn't make it not wrong.

Interesting how widely our experiences can vary.

I have to say that in "my" world the general flavor has been that which I originally described. Like just about anything, I'm sure that it all comes from the complex assembly that constitutes the ever-being-weaved fabric of our individual lives.

Some of what has been said is consistent with what I, too, have seen, though I interpret (or perhaps parse) some of the themes differently. For example, I agree that women who are tagged as "sleeping around" are typically relegated to the "slut" file, while men who sleep around receive some measure of relative approval for their "prowess."

For the record, I've been married for nearly 25 years and neither my wife or I have "cheated," so for anyone reading something into my questions that wasn't there, sorry but there's not really a "rant" or hidden message in the post. It's just something that has mystified me for years, most recently when sitting in on a conversation that some women I work with were having about another woman in our shared world-of-work---the context was how giddy and happy she had been lately some ways into an affair that she is having with a married man (she is married, too). I found it odd that the women were talking about what douchebags the two guys involved are---the guy she's having the affair with is a douchebag for cheating on his own wife....and....the husband of the female coworker is a douchebag as well, an assessment offered as explanation (and apparently justification) for why the coworker had embarked on the affair. My reaction was WTF?! not because I'm the least bit interested in judging any of the folks involved but because of the double or even triple standard that seemed to be at work in the majority of the minds present in the room. So she's okay because she's miserable at home and because she's so liberated/happy now....but the guy she's carrying on with isn't even given the benefit of the doubt that perhaps he is just as miserable in his own marriage, etc etc. I'm sure you get the picture.

For my part---as I alluded to earlier in the thread, I frankly think that everyone ought to do whatever s/he thinks as best so long as s/he is prepared to live with the consequences AND accept the bad karma (or whatever you want to call it) that could go along with the territory as far as robbing the partner to which they are ostensibly committed of the supposed fruits of their labors in connection with that same relationship. Kind of like the flood of investment scammers lately who allowed thousands of people to invest in their schemes in good faith knowing all the while that those investors were wasting their time/resources on ventures that the scammer knew was an absolute no-return proposition.

Anyhow...thanks. Interesting.

A lot of of opinions on this are quite clearly influenced by culture but over here in the British Media it does seem that men get labelled as heartless b*stards where as with women they always seem to have a supposedly valid excuse (ie my husband doesn't understand me, give me what I want etc) Just picking up the tabloid papers and reading through the agony aunt columns, there is such an unfair bias it's rediculous, a woman can be unsure who the father of her unborn child is and get no grief, yet if a woman writes in complaing her bf/husband has cheated on her, then he gets absolutely slaughtered.

My own personal opinion is that it's all down to the individual in question and what their motives are. The idea that men only have affairs for sex and woman only have affairs seeking intimate affection is again too close-minded (although the British Media does lean towards this idea which certainly doesn't help the debate)

I think part of the phenomenon you've described comes down to being the one admitting you've cheated. If you've cheated then the advice you get may be "your relationship isn't right for you, so end it and move on" or something like that without being told that you're a deceitful scoundrel or whatever else, but if your partner has cheated then they'll be sure to get plenty of flak in an effort to improve your self-esteem.