Pressuring Me or Just Talking?

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Tias
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10 May 2010, 5:15 pm

Apera wrote:
pezar wrote:
Guys think about sex ALL THE TIME when they're that age.


Allow me to correct that statement.

Quote:
Guys think about sex ALL THE TIME.


From what I hear, guys think about sex every 7 seconds or so. Just a matter of nature.

I do hope you are not talking about every single guy out there.

But then again, you are god aren't you? You know everything in this world, clearly, now we must all bow down to your wisdom. For some random person comes in and thinks they know something.
Sorry, but what you're saying is a load of crap. It's not a fact. But it is true, that reproduction and surviving is one of the basic human instincts.



AngelRho
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10 May 2010, 5:23 pm

Apera wrote:
From what I hear, guys think about sex every 7 seconds or so. Just a matter of nature.


Hey! I resemble that remark!



monsterland
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10 May 2010, 7:19 pm

AngelRho wrote:
Apera wrote:
From what I hear, guys think about sex every 7 seconds or so. Just a matter of nature.


Hey! I resemble that remark!


Well you're a guy, so you're right - you resemble it.



Asp-Z
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11 May 2010, 11:24 am

Don't get why you wanna wait that long, but hey, that's your choice. He's probably got loads of hormones, as other posters have said. Maybe you need to tell him to stop talking about it because it makes you feel uncomfortable.



antique_toy
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11 May 2010, 1:29 pm

if he doesn't share the same beliefs about premarital sex with you, it's only in his nature to try to convince you to rebel. and then there's the whole wanting it factor... i would say yes, he's trying to pressure you. but i think he wants you to explore your own sexuality for your own good, not just his. he cares about you a lot... if he didn't he wouldn't have waited 3 years and counting.
it's kind of like how atheists try to convince christians to give up religion
or how pot smokers try to convince straight edge kids to try it.

nobody's right, nobody's wrong. just different perspectives trying to merge into one or reach a compromise.



Penandinkmarie
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12 May 2010, 11:33 pm

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses and discussion! The thing is, we've only been together for 3 months and it's a very new relationship for me since I've only been in 2 relationships....the first one was in high school and it lasted 3 years, but sex wasn't even an issue back then! We simply never talked about it....

But I realize now that I am in an "adult relationship" and sex is now part of the picture, BUT I'm just not ready....at all. I'm terrified of having sex, plus the religious and moral consequences I am definitely not going to face yet. It's like not even an option for us right now...at all. But for some reason, he thinks he can change my mind...he clearly doesn't know me all that well yet....when I've made my mind up about something, that's it! There's no changing it.

And I just don't know what to do...besides nothing at all. Tonight he texted me saying something like he couldn't sleep without thinking of me and my kisses etc...and I was like "me neither..." Then he got frustrated and asked me why it was so hard for me to talk about the subject....what subject?! And I just said I didn't want to lead him on and make him think something was going to change....then he said something like "I won't...I don't want to..." (I guess meaning he won't make me do something I don't want to do??) And that was it....DECODE anyone!



Daemonic-Jackal
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13 May 2010, 5:31 am

It does sound like he is pressurising you but I don't think he wants sex from you just because of the act itself but because he'll see it as some kind of commitment to him as well. He must clearly think very highly of you to still be around after 3 months without intercourse having taken place.

At the same time he might be insecure even if it's at a sub-conscience level, he might worry about you staying with him for months without anything happening, only for you to then drop him for someone else, and for all of his time and dedication to you to have been wasted (I'm not saying you will do that, but that might be what is going through his mind)

Yes it's in our genetic make up to want sex and reproduce but at the same time a lot of guys will see it as a sign of commitment as well.


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Lene
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13 May 2010, 5:49 am

Quote:
And I just don't know what to do...besides nothing at all. Tonight he texted me saying something like he couldn't sleep without thinking of me and my kisses etc...and I was like "me neither..." Then he got frustrated and asked me why it was so hard for me to talk about the subject....what subject?! And I just said I didn't want to lead him on and make him think something was going to change....then he said something like "I won't...I don't want to..." (I guess meaning he won't make me do something I don't want to do??) And that was it....DECODE anyone!


I think you need to sit down with him and have a really frank discussion about why you don't want to. He's been respectful of you so far, so I think you need to respect him and talk about it.

Don't get me wrong, you have every right to say no, but from the sounds of things he's confused as to why you are saying so and may be taking it personally ("she doesn't want to have sex with me").

Imagine if you were dating someone who didn't kiss you and said they never would until after marriage. You would understand that you couldn't force them, but wouldn't it feel a little strange or insulting if it seemed normal to kiss to you, and they didn't fully explain why they didn't want to.

Even if you feel you have told him the reasons why, he may need ongoing reassurance that he's not being led on/ forced into marriage.

It's understandable that you are worried that if you tell him your reasons in detail he will try to pick apart your argument, but all I can say is stand your ground whilst at least listening to his arguments. You don't have to agree at the end, but it's probably quite frustrating for him not to feel he's being heard.