Fustrated!

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I want to make clear that addicts do not necessarily believe that their addiction is more important than their family or their jobs, although it may look that way to the outside observer. They are sick and delusional about their ability to use and function normally. The power of denial and rationalization are mighty indeed.

You may of been thinking how you wanted to help & her kid out. I got close to a girl years ago who was dealing with some alcohol & drug issues. We wer friends for a bit & she was doing well & we got closer but she started falling back into old habits. Last I heard from her she was bragging about how she had to get her stomach pumped a few days before. I think you can only help people who want to be helped

Been getting the mobile texts all night , though i'm ignoring them...

I've done nothing wrong , it was only one drink... i'd never hurt you , i'll be there for you why do i always get hurt.

I would at least try one last time to shove it through her skull that you're not hurting her, but she's hurting herself, and that she should know it's too slippery of a slope for her, having been addicted before, and also that she is hurting you by hurting herself and dragging you with her, and that you don't want to be hurt like that anymore. Ignore anything else though, I think.

You have to take care of yourself to. That was my fatal mistake. I kept changing my plans & sacrificing sleep because she was upset & wanted to talk on phone/online. I got so frustrated over everything that I had a break-down after everything ended. I think I mite of made her problems worse in the end but looking back; if I was a bit of a help to her overall instead of making anything worse; I'd do it all over again in a hearbeat

All calmed down today , had to remove her off facebook too... If only she wasn't a drinker , i'd still be with her and more so

Oh well back on the single trail AGAIN

I know it hurts but things will get better. The main thing that bothers me now is being single. I wish I had some advice for ya on that one cuz it could help me & lots of other guys here out

The problem is that the OP is so close to the subject matter that he can't see the woods for the trees. My interpretation of the situation is something like this.......

She is a self abuser and an addict.


She is not a fit parent.


She has psychiatric problems.


Has a complete lack of responsibilty.


Says her - by this stage, we have pretty much proven she lacks credibility as a human being. Why would you believe anything she says? On the other other, if she is telling the truth she needs to get over it.


No wonder she can't hold down a f***ing job.


I would imagine most substance abusing, psychiatrically unwell insomniacs are like this.


She's telling the truth. She is seriously mentally ill.


And?

Look, there is no other way to put this but this woman is a serious cantidate for loser of the year - if not the century. Why the hell would you want to be with someone like this? Do yourself a favour and set you sights a little (or a lot) higher.

While I agree with you on that sentiment, it's really hard to do that, especially when this type of woman is the only one that pays any attention to you at all.

True True!

But anyway it's been two days now and i haven't gone back to her and unlikely to....

Fair comment but I would argue that just because someone is your only option doesn't mean they are your best option.

Also, I have noticed that other people tend to judge you by who you associate with. In this case, if you hang with losers, people will assume you are a loser. This will completely kill any future possbilities you might have had better than Autism will.

Good man!! !! !

I think keeping your distance is the wisest thing to do for both your sakes, but understand (not you OP) she is sick and it is unfair I think to throw someone away as "loser". I have seen people recover from the depths of hell. There was certainly a time when someone could have thrown me away too. The point is not that you don't care but she has to do the work herself. It would be like learning to swim for somebody. You cannot be around her because in her sick confused state of mind her addiction will use you to further itself. When I was in rehab they taught us to think of our addiction as a conflicting part of ourselves, sort of a parasitical mind against mind. That way when we were faced with a trigger we could distance ourselves and say "That's my addiction talking". Sorry to ramble, but I have a real problem with anyone being dismissed as a "loser".

In my experience I regret letting things fall apart. I think that if I had been a stronger person mentally & more aware like I am now; I could of helped more & maybe we would be happy together rite now. I cant help feeling like I failed her & I'm destined to spend the rest of my life alone because of it

Same here bud... I was walking along the beach front today and i couldn't stop thinking about her , she'd love this walk i'd think. Or just i miss her , it sucks because with all her problems i DID like her i liked the time we spent together. When i was away from her , something would plage on my mind and i wanted to run away and pretty much everyone agree's it was the best cause of action. Still doesn't take away the fact that if such and such wasn't happening i'd probably be in her arms.

What I can tell you is that if you hang out with losers you won't get the chance to meet other people who may be more interesting, and not because others see you with them, but just because as long as you stay with them you don't get to do other stuff. Once a guy came by to invite the group I used to hang out with to a party at his parents' place, he even brought one of his neighbors with him so that they would get a glimpse of the sort of girls that would be at the party. While I considered it a good chance to socialize, I don't drive and there were no buses to that part of the city (suburbs past the surrounding hills), so I needed someone to drive me there. Not a single one of these losers wanted to go... they all made up excuses. Before that, whenever that guy and his then fianceé (now wife) wanted to introduce them to any girls, they also refused... and whenever someone else gets a girlfriend, they start badmouthing him bahind his back, saying that it's a waste spending time and money with a GF... while they will go and spend money on a strip club or brothel and then complain they don't have any money (when I, for example, tell them to update their computer sound card or monitor, which would have costed them less). And their idea of spending saturday nights is staying at a rented place for their club watching TV news and complaining about politics until 2am... and they aren't even getting drunk, they barely go out for a few minutes to the restaurant next door to have half-portions of chinese food and then go back... come on, for that, I'd rather stay at home! The sad truth is: hanging out with losers you won't just be seen as one, you will actually BECOME one... it's not healthy in any way. Particularly because even if you attempt to get them to change their behavior, they won't want to, so in the end you'll need to just stop hanging out with them and go elsewhere if you don't want to be changed by them yourself and become one of them instead.