Aspie dating and Aspie......

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One thing: I don't mean to imply that you shouldn't date women with AS--in fact I really like a lot of the women here, and they have been very helpful and sympathetic to me personally--

but I would really caution against thinking, "If I just date someone with AS, it'll be fine."

People are really too individual to tell.

Also, INFJs are only 1% of the population. If you were an AS male who thought that an NT INFJ was someone with AS, and that that was the key to a successful relationship, you might not value your INFJ enough, potentially lose her, and never find another one.

(Not that the poster above seems to be doing that. Congratulations on the baby!)

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with YOUR AS relationship. Y'all seem really happy, and more power to you.

What I'm saying is that if you intentionally date someone with AS, there may be as much chance for an "epic fail" as with an NT.

In fact I'm talking to someone else (who has AS) right now on another thread who is going through a miserable breakup because he intentionally pre-selected for someone who has AS. In light of that, "No, I'm not positive about it."

This isn't just my personal experience I'm talking about, and implied in the OP's question is the idea that you should seek out an AS partner in preference to an NT one.

My point is that, to agree with you, it is the individual person, regardless of whether they have AS or not. I'm not saying you should discriminate. Depending on the person, a relationship with an AS person may work better--it's just that I don't think you can know that based on whether the person is AS or NT.

(And to the gentleman married to the INFJ/ISFJ--we score high on the aspie tests despite being NT. I know because I actually got myself evaluated.)

I've dated an Aspie before, and I didn't like it. I'm dating an NT at the moment, and it's much easier. I know it can depend on the person, but the Aspie who I went out with wasn't ideal for me because we clashed. I had an intense obsession then, and I couldn't help bringing up the topic, but each time I did just say one word about it, my boyfriend would have a meltdown because for some reason he didn't want me to talk about my obsession. Oh dear - it really didn't go down well. I can't help talking about my obsessions, and sometimes it slipped out. But on the other hand, he couldn't help having meltdowns either. If my talking about obsessions was something that really agitated him, then having a meltdown was his only reaction. I'm not against meltdowns nor obsessions, but it is acceptable to talk a little bit about your obsessions - that is true for everyone. I keep my obsessions at a level now with my current boyfriend, and he doesn't mind. He has interests too what he likes to talk about. There's no big deal.

Didn't work. I think there were just too many problems; his problems + my problems = double the problems. We didn't even really "officially" date. The whole thing was just messed up. Not saying it can never work, but I think personally I'd have better chances with an eccentric NT guy...

I met my current boyfriend in the after college program we are both apart of. We have been dating for 2 years now and he is a wonderful, amazing and sweet guy. To me it sometimes seems unreal that I could have a long term meaningful relationship with other guy, let alone another Aspie. My last two relationships were with other Aspie men, but this relationship is completely different. For being an Aspie like me, my boyfriend is very supportive and has helped me through some difficult challenges in my life and I wouldn't trade him for anyone else.

I got in a relationship with an Aspie girl about a month & a half ago. We found each other because I made a frustrated post here in this section asking about how I could find someone & Megz replied about how she was looking for the same things I was. I sort of jokingly asked if she would be interested & she was. We connect very well & we have not really had any problems due to our AS. We are both direct with each other & we both like discussing things with each other so I'm very confident that we can overcome any potential problems we may have

AS still have the same set of emotions and personality types as anyone else. Compatibility should be the main line here. If they happen to be AS also, they'll most likely understand the personality quirks that come with being this way.

I am extreme right brain/left handed artsy packrat with strong AS traits and AS assessment...dating extreme right brained IT oriented "classic" high functioning (he is more functional and "normal acting" on the surface than i am....is a somewhat "closeted" aspie...I WARNED him that I was on the spectrum, and did not immediately "peg" him for an aspie when we met....The main bond between us, other than somewhat similar musical tastes, is that we both are uke players and happened to own a lot of the same ukes...and we are both songwriter/musicians...
He has a more data-base style intellect than I do and stores different types of knowledge accessible in different ways than i do.
I appreciate our differences, and I hope that to some extent, he does too, but he has always been extremely noncommunicative on the matter, leaving me to often get the impression that he was not so keen on having me as a girlfriend...but perhaps that is trumped by his simple desire to just "have a girlfriend"....

HOWEVER...he has said that there was a "perception disconnect" between us...and he might very well be right....but "reality is perception"....so analytically, I have often gotten internally upset over things that are in no way his fault....We have no established protocol on how to talk about our relationship, and the disconnect has caused some unfortunate problems because I really do have mad respect for him....as a person and an artist....and I care a whole whole lot for him.....We do lead very different lives.....and he has been a source of tranquillity for me in my otherwise mad/chaotic existence....

I have thought he deserves someone more normal/intelligent/educated/stable than me....I told him...I think I have told him more than once...(I can only muster this in writing) to which he does not respond...and I don't know what the nonresponse means...
I internalize all of my angst....in some ways perhaps I am being effectively strung along...but I do care about him as a human being and someone who I recognize as being on the spectrum and I truly want the very best for him....

but I gots problems....

My take is that there can be quite a bit of "blind leading the blind" from my experience in AS/AS relationships. If there is no protocol regarding the discussion of things, the non-discussion of them can be rather damaging in the long run..or maybe I have an irrational fixation on the "importance of communication"....

He has hangups which I mirror...or visa versa....and it equivocates "two wrongs".....for lack of communicating I am prone to suspect the worst..and have been left feeling very needy and irrational and those feelings can turn into a loop which destabilizes me....But I am so scared that I am wrong..that my perception is totally off....and I am scared of hurting his feelings. I want to feel like I am a positive part of his life...otherwise, why am I here? I tend to need more reassurance than acknowlegement that he chooses to spend time with me...

I hope that our communication gets better...I hope that I am not simply insane...I hope that we are able to obtain mutual understanding without hard feelings...
blah blah...I am in a pedantic mood....

I think an As dating and AS is more dependent on who those people are. Both having AS does give a strong point in that both people already have an understanding of what the other person might be going through, and it is hard for most typical people, AS or not, to understand something they have never experienced. But for those people to have a good relationship, I think it is more important on how they treat their own AS. Years ago, when I was in the only relationship I felt love, I did have a lot of problems connected to AS. But as it went on, because of how much we cared for each other, I made myself change man of the problems I had, even if just making it a bit neutral so it was not as noticeable. In the end, she actually forgot often that I had it.

While that relationship did end, it showed me that how I treated it was just how important as how she treated it. You can't just get together and expect everything to be instantly fine without some work, just like in most relationships.