I Gave A Girl The “Syndrome"

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Wif you know she likes you and is waiting for you to ask her then just ask if she wants to get with you that badly then she will probably say yes even if you say it wrong

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Youtube killed the video star!


My favorite letter is the squiggly! ~

"Cassandra" has a special name because if you're an NT who hasn't gotten certain needs met for years, it's really like you're dying, and no one believes you. "Cassandra" is an "a-ha" I'm not nuts, or at least not that nuts---moment

I know this from personal experience.

(Again, it's not just AS. A relationship with someone who has a severe untreated personality disorder and NO AS would probably do the same thing.)

I had a guy claim I gave him Cassandra, although people usually talk about this 'syndrome' in reference to an AS male/NT female relationship. Before I was formally dx'd, we dated for about two and a half years and were engaged, when he suddenly broke-up with me a month before our wedding date and claimed I was 'sucking all the joy out of his life.'

We actually managed to remain friends (believe it or not!) and when I was dx'd a few years later, he said he thought Cassandra was to blame for everything ranging from why he broke off the engagement to why he had gotten out of shape since college and developed a weight problem.

Personally, I think there will always be discord and hurt in relationships when those involved have significant difficulty understanding each other, but it's dangerous to fall into using Cassandra as a blanket excuse for everything.

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It seems like you have a lot of hurt that you are trying to work through, Poppy. There are a number of online support groups for NT partners. Have you ever looked into one of those? It might be cathartic.

I like aspies better.



Actually, what I don't get from the NT support groups is any real notion of responsibility for their actions. They insist that it's all the AS person's fault and that there is nothing that can be done about it--except leave the aspie.

Not true.

Cassandra doesn't affect NT people who know what's going on as much. I also disagree with the idea that the only option is to leave the person with AS.

....although it helps with Cassandra if the AS person can admit the effect they have on their NT partner.

The subject of this thread makes "Cassandra's syndrome" sound like an STD.

You didn't "give" her anything because there's no such thing as Cassandra Syndrome. It's not a recognised condition and it's not backed up by any scientific or remotely adequate research. It was invented by a woman called Maxine Aston - a marriage and couple counsellor who has no experience whatsoever with autism. It's also completely absurd that only women are supposed to suffer from it - if indeed the problems the NT partner experiences would be caused strictly by the other one's AS it should affect men just as much. But she does a lot of damage and makes a lot of money because she figured a very simple truth - tell your clients that their partner is the only one to blame for all the couple related problems and you hit gold - most people would do almost anything to avoid taking responsibility.

I'm sure a lot of NT and aspies are deprived or suffer abuse in their relationship. Except for some extreme cases the problems that appear in a couple are the direct responsibility of both partners. Insufficient of flawed communication, lack of compromise and the desire to mould the other one to fit your every desire seem to be very common even in NT/NT relationships. Admitting your own faults or that you chose your partner unwisely is painful and requires an effort most aren't willing to make. So they just take the easy way out and believe they have a bogus condition that will allow them to pity themselves and deny their own mistakes.

* Just in case I didn't make it clear enough I'm sure there are plenty of women who suffer emotional abuse and other serious issues because of their partner's behaviour. I don't think this happens strictly because said partner has AS but I can see how this can make certain things worse. I've seen plenty of posts in the L&D forum that made me want to run for the hills, so I'm starting to understand the other side a little bit better. But these men are not necessary assh@les because they have AS, nor should they take blame for everything because of it. Try to know your partner a little bit better before you decide to get married and have children and you'll save yourselves and others a lot of grief.