How low can you go?

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Standards that have nothing to do with essential compatibility should all go out the window. Standards that have a bearing on your ability to make a life with a person stay.

Funny thing is, you don't know what you want and you need in a relationship until you find it. So, standards are really a silly thing, in the end; just a daydream guide, although they do help you start to sort out what is important to you in how you will live life with a partner. When you meet the right person, they can break half your standards and you'll still want to be with them; that is when you realize that so many things you thought were important really are not.

So, dating shouldn't be about standards. It should be about being open to possibilities, and knowing what types of people just are not good for you, and following that unknowable essence called attraction and connection.

I won't date a complete idiot or complete scum, someone boring or creepy.

Looks, meh don't really have standards, very small ones that can easily be broken.
Can't have a s**t personality.

Those are my standards. It's all about personality just about.

You don't make weight loss easy with a name like Vanilla Slice and then have a picture of the Vanilla Slice too ....

OR, you know, just make the portion RIGHT from the start, so you don't have to fancy-pant around like a fool.

*deep breath* Sorry, I just really despise the non-eating of food that has been put on a plate.

Then I guess you wouldn't date me, huh...

"Standards" may very well not even be the issue here. (Speaking for myself, as well) It might just be a fundamental lack of understanding of how to balance building rapport while signalling romantic interest. (y'know... Asperger's Syndrome?) Or any number of other combinations of isolated systems in romance that most people thoughtlessly weave together no problem.

ZOMG if you want an easy lay, get muscular I saw a really muscly black guy in town today walking around with his top off and lots of white girls smiled from ear-to-ear when they saw his enormous muscles and tattoos. That guy was a total bad-ass.

geez man have some self respect

Theres nothing wrong with you Toad, you need to work on your self worth.

Yes, I agree totally. Dating someone with really low self esteem is near impossible. In my experiences it has made me feel trapped, making me want to pull away from the person.

Toad, you seem like a nice person. I've never seen you post anything idiotic, scummy or creepy. The only boring thing about you is your constant complaining that you're worthless and will never get a girlfriend. I can see how that gets in your way, because it's painful just listening to you say that stuff. I think the most significant thing holding you back right now is how you feel about yourself.

i'm trying to change... it's just nearly impossible to change my outlook when my fortune hasn't. For me, it isn't even getting the girlfriend anymore, because I was able to get one once. The issue I see now is that I can't keep a woman attracted to me for any meaningful length of time. That one girl I got with left me because I'm not a good enough boyfriend. It's not like I did anything to incite her to leave... I was completely loyal, always supportive when that's what she needed, or gave her space if that's what she needed instead, and I never pressured her about anything sexual either. I didn't do anything wrong, and yet she left me. I don't think there's any bigger definition of "failure" out there...

Don't completely get rid of your list of standards. At the very least, make sure they pass the gut test. The gut test can weed out the rapists, addicts, abusers, and generally bad people in the world. I've ignored this dating-wise before and it's turned out disastrous each time.

As to getting more women... you need to build up some confidence. You know how many guys hate when girls asks if something makes her look fat? It's a lack of self-esteem, and it's what you have, so you have to change that mindset. You simply can't be a debbie downer and be successful in relationships and dating. You have to move on from past failures in relationships and start fresh when trying to find someone else to be with. How do you think the jerks who always hit on girls manage to usually have a girlfriend? They pick themselves up after many rejections and keep going! So if the jerks can manage it, so can you. Eventually one of the girls you find will stick for a while! Going out more into different places in town and living a healthier lifestyle could also help you meet some new people too who can help you change your mindset... maybe try a local yoga class?

Did you ever ask her to expand on why she thought you weren't a "good" boyfriend? Also, consider that she may have wanted to break up for another reason and just wasn't honest. I have a friend who broke up with a guy once because (you may want to sit down for this) his pores were too big. Believe me, she didn't tell him that was why she wanted to break up.

Another thing...sometimes in relationships people treat their partner how they (their self) would like to be treated, assuming they are being a terrific partner, while in reality that isn't what their partner wants. That was confusing...say Bob is dating Susan, Bob treats her how he thinks she would like, but really it's how he would like to be treated/assumes all girls would like to be treated. This always happens to some degree in each relationship I've been in. I've found I do much better with someone who I can be very blunt with so it's less likely to happen. Us aspies may do it even more with the empathy problems...in everyday life I treat people how I would want, I have trouble figuring out what they would want. Same goes for relationships.

Crap on a crutch! No wonder she left!

Read Roissy's blog and his commandments to learn why. Can't post the link without getting modsmacked...

She got bored with you and saw that she could easily control you. You were not a challenge to her. You can only be nice to them when you are paying them.

Not to sound like a jerk, but do you have a plan of action for yourself?

Take account of what resources you have such as your social support network (parents, etc).

You can do several things to turn yourself around:

Are you going to school now?
Are you working?
What are you eating on a day to day basis?
How are you dressing?

To succeed in the world of everything, you have to improvise, adapt, and OVERCOME. You have to be able to survive on your own ultimately.

I got a nasty little crash course in survival when my father's business collapsed and we found out he saved nothing and took out loans in me and my siblings' name to keep my worthless fat c*** of a mother in the lifestyle she felt entitled to. But that is a whole nother story.

Also for the love of Zod, take "unlovable" out of your tag under your name!

Change it to something better. Otherwise "unlovable" will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

PM me if you want more advice. I'm more than happy to help.

When it comes to matters of career, I do in fact have a plan for myself. I will graduate with a bachelor's degree in information technology in January, after which I can find a job starting around 50k, most likely in video editing. I have to pay off the $25k in debt, after which I plan on moving out and getting a condo or apartment to live on my own.

So yes, economically speaking, I have a plan. But earning a living is something manageable...

Also, I just read that blog you mentioned, and while what it mentions seems fine if I'm just after a quick lay, it's surprisingly lacking in the stability that I need in an intimate relationship...