Help a NT guy win the heart of an AS girl!

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thank you cuterebra, and ladyrain! I will definitely put your suggestion into good use!!


to SaNcheNuSS, everyone is an individual, I don't see why there should be a difference between NT and AS, our brain might work differently, but inside we are all unique. We should be view as individual and not as NT and AS. If you think that how we should be view, then may I suggest you move to Sudan where they will still shoot you just because you have a different race?


I see her as an individual that share common interest, hobby, cultural, language back ground as me. Not because she is AS, and therefore somehow easier to get. Not sure if you have notice or not....there are a lot of slu*ty NT girls out there that require 0 effort and very little time. AS girl from what I can tell, only care for what the guy really is inside, and not their wallet etc.

I did consider that, and almost didn't post.
But then I thought, if she's a lovely (according to the OP) aspie girl, in a strange country, then she will probably get hit on a lot anyway, so she might appreciate attention from someone who actually wants to know her and shares her interests.

If anyone is willing to ditch their stereotypes and take the trouble to get to know someone 'different', male or female, then good for them, regardless of neurology.

There isn't a magic list of pick-up techniques which are going to 'work' on aspergers females - apart from ditch the 'rules' and throw away your preconceptions about 'women' - just honesty, time, genuine interest - and, of course, actually talking to and spending time with them.

No aftershave might be a good idea, but the list of what not to do could get quite long, and will be different for everyone, since we are all rather individual.

Good for you, and good luck.

Uh... yeah....

Sorry, but when girls post here asking for help with their aspie guy crushes, everyone rallies to support them, but now it's a guy asking it's suddenly "they is stealin' our wimmin"....

OP, just be yourself. If you have to put on an act to get this girl, you'll have to keep the act up throughout the relationship and that will just exhaust you. I second the poster who wrote that you should just be friendly to begin with. See if you click and have any chemistry. If you do, then ask her out and make it clear that it's a date (literally, you may have to ask 'do you want to go on a date?' because otherwise she may just think you're being friendly).

I do NOT see what the big deal is. Lots of the Aspie women here are alone yet there are more single Aspie guys here so it seems like Aspie women do not want Aspie guys because if they did they would have an easy time finding an Aspie guy here. So if NTs are using this place as a way to pick up Aspie women; that would be a good thing for the women & it would not make a difference to us Aspie guys

Last edited by nick007 on 17 Jul 2010, 7:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

People don't fall in love with a person from a particular demographic, they fall in love with individuals.

Im Taiwanese and aspie.

Patience, and persistence. If she is anything like me (shy), it will seem easier for her to stay in her comfort zone, so she might turn you down at first, just keep trying. But never be pushy, she might just close you out. Good luck! And let us know how it goes!

Persistance. give her a break to think.

Ask her to go to a park with you to take a walk and stroll through nature. Not a playground park but a serene place. Don't rush her through the place either.
Discuss school. Some of her hobbies, her favorite type of drinks, food etc..

Give her a couple days to herself.

Remember what her favorite food and drink was? Ask her to join you at a place that serves those items. If you can cook them...EXTRA POINTS because your place will be quieter than a restaurant. Hopefully she mentioned a favorite alcoholic beverage. If so, that will help calm her down.

Don't come on too strong. Don't wear alot of cologne.

She may reveal her feelings more if drinking a little.

Aspie girl signals she's into you. (not one size fits all)

Shy Aspie girl-
-You compliment her and she looks down and appears to blush
-You catch her staring at you but when she notices you are looking back, she focuses her eyes elsewhere.
-She does alot of stuff for you like offering to carry your books, makes stuff for you.
-Gets a little more clumsy when you're around, fumbly over words or may even seem more shy around you if you open up conversation.
-Compliments you based on her own personal interests. An example..if she likes shiny objects she will compliment you on your necklace and/or she may even be in full stealth mode feeling embarrassed by her feelings that she just wants to get away from you quickly and seems very uncomfortable yet comfortable with you all at the same time.
-She shares little things about herself that not very many people know about. If she does that, you better keep it private or she won't trust you. (Some of us have dealt with alot of mean people and can quickly withdraw.)
-She will not be flat out in this scenario until she feels comfortable with you. She'll need to know that you can accept her as she is.
-Wants you to make the first move.
-Withdraws if she notices you may be interested in another woman. She feels foolish for even thinking you could have perhaps liked her.

There are also the not so shy aspie girls. Their mannerisms still appear awkward but because of the very blunt in your face approach, people are typically so distracted by that, it catches them off guard. They just can't believe what came out of her mouth so alot of those mannerisms are overlooked at first unless the person took time to process the situation later on then it hits them...wait...wtf? How could that be? Aren't all aspies shy though? Then it just confuses them.

Last edited by TheygoMew on 26 Jul 2011, 3:01 am, edited 2 times in total.

They are trying to take our jawbs!

Reminds me of how black women are taught to stay with black men only but black men aren't.

I'm staying firm with the idea that in every group, there is at least one person in all of the groups that would make a good match for someone outside of the group. Aspie+Aspie isn't heaven. That is saying we're all the same when really we're all individuals who have experienced different lives and have different perceptions. Our diagnosis or self diagnosis doesn't make us all the same. Just like all psychopaths aren't the same. All NT's aren't either. We're all into different things, different music, different this, different that.

Some of those compliment, the differences. That depends on the person's preference. I'd rather have someone who shares alot of common ground but can teach me new things to further expand my horizons out of this stuffy box I've been crammed into just like EVERYONE else alive. It's time for all humans to get out of their living graves. Crawl out of it like zombies and figure out how to really be human again.