Help! How do you attract a guy if you're a girl?

Post Reply New Topic

i don't think any person can really offer a total prescription for another person's dating experience, but it is interesting to see a variety of ideas....

now, hyperlexian's advice is *not* for everyone... if you don't like it, ignore what i have to say. i'm not pushing anyone into anything.

back when i was dating, i always tended to be very sexually aggressive and blunt. i would never worry about whether he was gonna hold my hand or show interest if we were alone, because i would already be kissing him! of course i didn't pursue it if he was not interested at that point. or i'd ask him outright: 'do you find me attractive?' no need for body language if you can get him talking. i really disliked the vagueness of trying to decode social cues, so i bypassed them whenever possible.

my plan was always to get the sex out of the way right away to reduce the awkwardness (and naturally because i really wanted to do it, of course) - once we shared that we were a lot less shy and reserved. in my experience compatibility in bed happens like chemistry - you can learn techniques or try new things, but it can never change whether it *feels right* to be in bed with that person. and the only way to tell for sure is to do it.

i've been turned down lots of times, but i've been successful much more often than not. and i fell in love this way (with my husband of 16 years, together for 20).

[steps back and dons flame-retardant suit]

forgot to mention... i would meet people at parties (the loud and drunken variety) by sitting by muself and doing crossword puzzles. having fun doing your own thing around other people can attract friends and boyfriends.

I don't think it's so hard for a girl to get a boyfriend, unless the girl happens to be hideously ugly, mean, arrogant, a smoker, already has children from a past relationship, and/or has unreasonably high standards in the men she's interested in.

Now us Aspie men who are actively trying to get a girlfriend...we're a whole other story.

Tim (aka the Slipperman)

Those self-help books for women are crap.

For women, 95% of the game is based on looks. A guy can have a crush on a girl, the moment he sees her.

Do whatever you can to improve those before you hit 25 since after that age most women start to fade in their appearance.

Well, I would say this except for one little detail: She said that she is actually attracted to this guy.

One thing I have noticed about women is that they seem to have this mystical power that enables them to have an uncanny ability of always being attracted to the one guy in the room that isn't attracted to them.

So sunshower, first thing is to make sure he isn't gay. If he's not gay then it's probably safe to be direct if he's not taken.

From a guy's perspective I would recommend being more direct than this.

I probably wouldn't even notice most of that s**t. He may be different, but it may be helpful for those who want to give advice to know what this guy is like. Is he aspieish? What kind of general demeanor does he have? Does he wear a lot of leather (in which case you're probably wasting your time)?

If you could look up this sentence in a dictionary, you'd find it illustrated with a photo of me. Seriously, this is like the story of my life.

I don't think it's easy for AS women to get a man, I don't know, maybe we have it a bit easier than AS guys (who knows for sure) but it's far from easy. If it was easy, a person such as myself; intelligent, attractive according to current social constructs of what is attractive (I'm not trying to boast here, just being honest according to what people have told me) in their early 20's, who would like to be in a relationship would not be single for over 2 years.

Just because more people hit on you doesn't mean you have a higher success rate in actually getting a partner. Nobody is attracted to every single person of the opposite gender, most people get attracted to one or two (at most) specific people at a time, so if you screw it up with that person it doesn't matter how many other guys you're not attracted to approach you; you've already screwed it up with the one person you were attracted to at the time.

And being AS, I think we can all attest here that completely screwing it up with someone you like is ridiculously easy and a ridiculously common occurrence.

I know that many people have said the whole body language thing is "fake" and seems to "contrived", but I don't see it as me pretending to be somebody else, I see it as learning a foreign language so I can actually communicate my feelings towards another person in a way they can understand, and also especially to avoid major screw-ups such as what I was doing before (like avoidance) thus convincing them I am not interested. This guy is not AS.

I feel it may already be a lost cause, he may not be attracted to me, as he hasn't really initiated much and some of you have said that normally a guy will be attracted straight away, and I would think if a guy was attracted he would initiate? Last night I actually wrote and sent him a poem related to one of his status updates (not a love poem) to see how he'd respond, and he responded really positively - said it was an amazing poem and had I really written that for him. However, this could still either mean he was just genuinely surprised and impressed or likes me as a friend, so I don't know. Either way, I feel I would like to develop the friendship anyway no matter what so none of this can hurt. I am still uncertain about how strongly I feel as I don't think I know him well enough yet to really properly gauge if we could be in a relationship, currently I'm trying to figure out the right way to approach.

All this thought and discussion is probably way over the top, but I've had quite a few screwups in a row recently and I feel super cautious right now.

Also, as this is quite personal, I know some of you here on WP also know me on facebook so I would ask you not to post up anything about this on facebook, I would be really upset if you did. I hesitate to post in as much detail as I have for this reason, but I feel getting advice could be really helpful to me.

If a woman wrote me a poem I'd go ga ga .

How would I impress a woman ? with my home brew, high score at Daytona ?

You've got the looks( your azure eyes are quite mesmerizing), intellect and of cause youth. I would have thought uni would be a gold mine for you?


Anyway I wish you the best of luck. :

I don't attract them. They get attracted to me. This is how I got into a long conversation with a guy 2 weeks ago.
Me: That's a cool mario shirt I'm a big gamer myself"
Guy: Do you like tekken?
conversation goes on with eye contact
Me: :holds out hand: i'm sam by the way, your name?
conversation goes on and ends with
Guy: I have to go sam bye
Me: bye

Just be yourself and act natural don't pucker your lips or twirl your hair. Then you'll look kinda trampy and fake. Make eye contact, shake hands, and last but not least don't brush them off wait for them to end the conversation.

Okay you sound to serious into about catching him. If you dont get the guy its not because you screwed up its because he was not into you. You just need to be yourself and be friendly smile make eye contact. I met my partner because my taxi never came and friendship excalated into romance. Realize first you will be friendly with each other then if it was meant to be you will fall in love with each other. You need to get that idea out of your head that not getting him is failing though.

The love of your life comes when you least expect it.

My partner and I first kissed when I had a crummy day because my face was broken out in pimples. I was thinking about skipping classes because I was so emberrased. I texted him and he wanted to see me for dinner. We had dinner then went to some seaside swings he looked me full in the face as if I was the prettiest thing he ever saw and we kissed. When someone loves you they love you whether your face is covered in red bumps or you have social difficulties.

From my experience, things usually go well when the other person is direct. As a girl, the best thing you could do for a guy is to plainly spell out whether you're attracted to him. You don't need to get elaborate. Just say that he's cute, and that if he ever wants to go on a date, you'd say yes.

At that point he knows how you feel, and if he's interested he'll ask. You just can't let the fear of rejection get in the way of honesty. Simply letting someone know that you're interested is often half the battle, and it doesn't need to be.

Thankyou everyone for your advice. People are right, generally if they are going to be attracted to you they are (if you're a girl) and you shouldn't need to try so hard to make them like you. I think this guy is probably just not interested, although he seems friendly enough. He doesn't send any of the interested signals, and usually it's clear and obvious when a guy is interested in me. I think I have decided to move on, out for this round, in for the next!

I'll probably find someone eventually, and if I don't, it's not the end of the world.

that sounds like a perfect attitude to attract just the right guy!

Why does this remind me of how cats are always attracted to the one person in the room that hates/is allergic to cats?

^It's true, though. My dad doesn't like cats because he is allergic to them and even the most unfriendly of cats always choose to follow him around.

That was a quick quit. At least you won't seem desperate. If he's not AS you're probably right though.

Or you're just so hot he's too nervous to approach you.

Hi GOF, yes it does seem like a quick quit from my posts, although we have known each other a few weeks now. He just doesn't ever initiate, and I've had bad experiences in the past with this where I'm wasted huge periods of time (we're talking years here) pursuing guys who were just not interested in me. I think I don't want to become emotionally attached when all the signs are pointing to him not being interested, and the only way to avoid emotional attachment is to get out early and get out fast. This does seem like a quitters attitude, but I take into account the fact that when I become emotionally attached to a guy it takes me at least a year and more often several years to get over it, during which time I cannot be attracted to anyone else. I guess I feel like I don't want to risk wasting what's left of my early 20's moping after someone I can't get. Doesn't mean I won't take a chance on someone at all, but I think I will wait until it's someone who appears to reciprocate.

As for him being AS/not AS, that's pretty irrelevant except that it may mean I tailor my approach differently. I'm open to being with anyone.

I'm not saying you're wrong, this is likely a good quit, a quit while you're ahead sort of thing.

AS guys are less likely to initiate, that was the point I was making. If he's not AS and he's not initiating I'm saying that in all likelihood you read the situation correctly. Even if he just didn't know how to initiate it's too much trouble to ask of you. There's nothing wrong with wanting some initiative on his part.

I'd phrase that a little more carefully, though.