what would you do?

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They really have it in for you Tom.

i think its not fair. if i had came on here when she screamed at me for no reason and slammed a door in my face (which she did) would they have told me to attack her to curb her. were both immature aspies with problems coping. i go to her home so i am the one who has to take stressful train journeys there and back. its not just me who cant stay away. she always talks me into coming back when i try to break up.

if any wp members met me in real life and tried to physically attack me to impress lotus i will fight back. i am not very strong but i am crazy.

if you want to get rid of him, simply send him a false peace offering of jizzsaladsurprise

Deary me does no one read beyond the OP on threads or something. Their all ignoring your defence or can't be arsed to read or abit thick when it comes to reading threads on an internet message board or all three. I can't quite decide

No I don't want to not get on with her or be apart. The hard times are hard but the happy times are very happy. I love walking around with her and chatting. She is funny, exciting to to be with, really sexy and gorgeous, clever and kind and caring. She also makes me cross sometimes when hard things happen and we dont cope well and both upset each other. I thought i could make it work if I really worked on myself and became more assertive and trained myself to speak up without attacking and not brood on things that get me down but. look at my own faults, admit i was wrong too, work on things together. And train my brain to focus on my good points to be less insecure. It doesnt always go so badly, lots of times we have fights and cope and stay calm and them be friendly again without me going home. The bad times are when i feel down and wont stop dragging on fights and going on about them. And that always happens when loads of bad stuff together plies up and i just cant cope. She wants me to be empahtic at her feeling bad but i feel bad sometimes too. I want to manage it though.

What does OP stand for?

OP=Original Poster.

And I'm reading the thread, Laz - I just saw Mutate's posts. I'll admit I missed the first one. Interesting - hm, well, it's not so simple when both sides are represented. I tend to take people at their word, so now, I don't know what to think. What's the definition of abusive that we're going by here? I might be using a different one that others here and assuming that lotusblossom's definition was the same as mine, but now I'm not sure. Mutate, the text you posted isn't abusive, but is that the case for all the others, too? This is confusing, but I'd like to try to be fair.

Why does lotusblossom dating bring your attention back to her? I've noticed guys do this before and I don't understand. It's sort of like "I don't want her, but I don't want anyone else to have her either". You said:

I think its unfair. "you're a mature woman, you deserve a mature man and not a child that he seems to have been." Shes not that mature, like me she is a disagnosed aspie with emotional problems and she can be childlike and distressed just like me or any aspie.

Yeah but what do you want?

i wanted to end it. i stayed away for a couple of weeks. i felt sad. she kept asking me to come back. she sent texts saying she had met a nice new guy on WP and she was about to have sex with him so i had to come back quick. i think it was not because i was jealous but because i couldnt cope with it being final like that. she couldnt leave me alone, she had to keep telling me she was about to date someone else and how great he was. i could not cope with that finality so i came back to try again.

i was very sad without her and i wanted to "work on myself" and do things differently. i think lots of our problems are to me being unassertive and not speaking up and saying what i want, just either being quiet or then getting angry, and also to me being insecure and feeling bad. And i have been unfair going on at her over and over about things. But a lot of that was just me trying to keep myself angry to resist coming back when she kept asking me. i thought having a job and "working on myself" to change my reactions would help and we could make it work.

i just wish she would stick to something and not mess me around, if she wants to try and make it work, stick with me, if not, leave me alone. She keeps being cold and distant to me when im there and saying things like "oh well it won't work out, its not working, youll date someone else soon, just tell me when your dating someone else". And then when i leave she says "plase come back, i cant bear it without you, please stay with me forever". Then i come back and shes gone off me again. I just cant cope with the inconsistency. She will come on this thread now and say "ok everyone, its over forever, ill never ask him back, for definate". And everyone will congragulate her, and she will make loads of posts about her new independent life. Then she will change her mind and say shes too sad and ask me to come back.

I am to blame to as i am also changeable. I wanted to make it work this time though, i really believe i can make it different if i "work on myself", i felt a lot healthier and less insecure, i really enjoyed our last visit, i was sure that by working on my flaws and being more tolerant and speaking up more i could make it different.

Errr, this is very difficult for both of you. Personally, I'd go for the clean break as I don't have much tolerance for dramatic relationship stuff, but it doesn't sound like you two are actually ready for that. Or maybe it's that neither of you wants to go through the real pain of the other's complete absence. Maybe you two could try a 30 day break - or less if that sounds better - but a real break, no texts, no pm's, no emails, no checking what the other is doing online or socially - no communication or interaction whatsoever. Then you could see how you both felt at the end.

If you two can't work it out one of you has to be strong enough to break it off. Going on an on like this is unhealthy for both of you.

I am going to lock this thread. I don't think it's productive for a former couple to fight with each other in an open forum this way. I realize it gets tricky when both are members at the same forum, and both should be able to express their feelings and concerns with their friends, ie the forum, but if that is going to work you've got to have each party somehow unable to get involved in or even hear the conversations of the other.

What you both need right now is to be able to air your own feelings, but not to argue or fight the feelings of the other party (except directly with each other and in private, if that is what you both feel you need to do). That isn't relevant to your healing or to your personal development.

Unfortunately, I don't know to provide that on a public forum where both parties are members.