Polyamory

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I'm not sure how I could deal with this. I think as long as it was structured enough, I could do it. My girlfriend is bisexual, so there's always the possibility lol

I'm not opposed to polyamory - in fact, I personally think it's hot - but I don't know if I could maintain one. Maybe I'll try it some day and see.

Yikes, I thought it was a reasonable question. I wasn't trying to be critical.

Sounds hottt

I can't get any relationship, who am I to complain. Polyamorous, already have 3 partners, sure.

While I have been in a relationship before, it's been a long time. And I had enough trouble making that one work, much less exponentially compounding the issue by adding someone else. I can't imagine.

Hello. First time writing here. I'm not sure whether I am an aspie or HFA, and I'm still not clear on the difference. What I do know is that in junior high, I liked to run around the yard carefully following the trajectory of seagull shadows while dodging obstacles. I don't have any recollection of anyone noticing what, in retrospect, would have been considered odd behavior for a teenager in what normally would be the most socially intense time in life. This and similar recollections, combined with a sense of familiarity when exposed to autistic people, lead me to my self-diagnosis, which was recently acknowledged by my mother, who happens to be a psychologist who has worked with autistic children (she had decided not to reveal this information until I asked her directly).

I've been happily married for 7 years, and we both have other lovers. It's exceptionally easy for us to be polyamorous, although many of our friends in the poly community struggle to varying degrees. I suspect that part of the reason I am poly may be related to my failure to absorb cultural norms as a child. In general, I have no gut reaction to taboos, and although I have learned many of societies rules, I have the ability to violate these rules at will without embarrassment (since the rules are merely informational and not programmed into my core). I consider these traits to be significant strengths and benefits gained as part of the autism package. Of course, life was more difficult prior to learning these rules.

My wife is not an aspie or autistic, but like me, she tends to question all the rules. For unknown reasons, she has never experienced jealousy.

My longest term relationship is with an autistic woman for about 20 years, and continues.

I do not consider polyamory to be a thing. I consider monogamy to be a thing. Polyamory is merely the absence of monogamy; that is, the natural condition that would exist if monogamy had never been invented. That's what polyamory means to me, though there are many other definitions.

Note that in using the term monogamy, I am ignoring correct etymology, and going with common usage, referring to an expressed or implied agreement to exclusivity of a sexual relationship. Indeed I only have one spouse at the moment, which is currently the maximum permitted by US law at the time of this writing.

I find polyamory interesting, but I don't think I could do it personally.

When I was in elementary school, I had a crush on one girl in my class and another that was in my after-school playgroup. One was as intense as the other.

The idea that you are only supposed to be with one person is something society came up with, and which it admittedly needs in order to function properly. NTs are wired for jealousy and a tendency to be territorial, which can really strain a polyamorous relationship, while Aspergians mostly don't care about these things.

I believe that polyamorous relationships, and promiscuity in general, are much better suited for us than "real" relationships, because we need the absolute honesty and full disclosure of intentions that aren't really possible in monogamy.

It is so nice to be able to tell someone I'm with, everything I want to without worrying about "blowing it."

Promiscuity is a personal choice that works for some people-- quite a lot, actually-- and it should be presented as a potential future option to people as they come of age, rather than stigmatized. If it had been given to me as an option, so much emotional pain and suffering could have been prevented.

I am one of those people conservative-minded folks love to hate, who believes marriage is a form of bondage. But it's not always a bad thing. Without it there would be no family structure, and a look at our society today proves that we need that structure.

It's just not for me, or for lots of people on this forum. I'm proud to be who I am-- committed to non-commitment.

But I don't believe polygamy should be legal, because it's a disaster for women's rights.

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While I consider monogamy the ideal for me, I must admit I do find this idea intriguing from the girlfriend perspective. Only in theory, though, I think. In practice, I'm not interested in casual dating.

This concept is fascinating. Monogamy is not thought to be part of the biological programming in humans. It is simply something that arose with civilization. When people are living in caves and eating whatever they can kill/find, there's really no need for clearly defined boundaries. I suspect that originally, as with other social animals, whoever the strongest males were in a group at the time got first choice of females, and there was a dominance hierarchy. When people began settling in one place and living in houses it became important to establish who belonged with whom and which males possessed which females. Marriage was originally the recognition by society of possession of a woman. As one would expect, early societies were mostly polygamous because a man could have more than one woman just as he could have more than one goat or cow or field. Civilization was quite bad for women actually.

This being the case, one can theoretically decide to have whatever sort of relationship rules one wants. If one wants to date and have sex with lots of people, there's really nothing wrong with that as long as everyone is honest about it. If two people want to have an open marriage and see other people on the side or together as a couple, it's really up to those people to make it work, just as it is in a regular relationship.

I, myself, find it difficult enough to establish a bond with one person. The idea of casual sex without intimacy or connection simply does not appeal to me that much. I don't get jealous or possessive nearly as much as others, but I still don't think an open relationship would be particularly beneficial to me. Like others have said, I didn't absorb a lot of cultural stuff when I was young. I learned society's rules the same way I learned history, science, and math, by memorizing a lot of facts and rules. As such, if a woman approached me with this subject, I'd consider it open mindedly, as I do most things. I'd never seek a relationship like this, but if two bisexual women wanted to date me with the idea of joining some sort of long-term three way relationship, I'd consider it, if for no other reason than I like breaking societal norms, it would be a fascinating challenge, and three incomes living together is more economically efficient than one or two.

It seems interesting to me, though I haven't been in any relationship at all. In my case, I don't really get jealous, I just see others being happy, and want to know how i can have similar. Im not sure i could ask someone to commit to me exclusively, beause that seems unfair.

It is apparent that many individuals are much more concerned about their own [usually short-term] happiness rather than what is rational and necessary.
Social and physiological disease are significant resultant dangers in polyamourous relationships (because there are fewer social and physical controls) which may contribute to a decrease of social cohesion in a society as well as the spread of disease. This is true for all populations of social mammals.

No way could I handle this. I prefer to be devoted to one man, no drama or complications. I'm silly like that.

I like to think of myself as polyamorous, but unfortunately, since I haven't yet been in a real relationship, I don't know for sure.

Thank you, Kenfactor for reviving this topic. It's strange because the subject has been on my mind lately. My fiancee talks with a guy online and sometimes their conversation becomes less than platonic. This used to upset me terribly but not so much so anymore. Something inside of me changed, but I'm not sure what...

Paul