Most Aspie men are in over their heads with dating.

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You guys can play the "Aspergers isn't a disability" card all you want, but the same way you couldn't take someone in basic level classes in school and make him into an honor student, you can't take someone with little to no social intelligence and make him "get it." You can find ways to work around it, sure...everyone does that, myself included...but if you want to play the "anything is possible" card, give me some of what you're smoking.

I'm actually proud to be autistic anyway. If it weren't for this disability, I would have to deal with stupid people in the outside world.

Well, I have Asperger's syndrome. I also have a normal social life, AND a steady relationship.
Asperger's Syndrome will delay social development, but it can still be learned.


...And you're right. It's not as though one day, you'll just "get it." It takes a while.

You're in the minority. I said there were exceptions. And while I don't know you, I'm guessing your girlfriend either has AS or if she's NT she's one of the emo/alternative types or she's conventionally unattractive.

Not true. Most guys here would have no problem with women in non-feminist countries. If you don't believe me, I offer to take any guy here who is up for it into Mexico and find him girlfriend, no charge. I am serious about this offer and I have offered it on other forums full of frustrated men, but no one took me up on it. Why do I offer this? To prove my point. Men should wake up and realize that feminism creates dating hell.

Although I would date someone who is any of those things, you're incorrect. The current person I am dating is none of those things.

Actually I've dated several "emo/alternative" and "conventionally unattractive" people in the past, and all of them are amazing human beings. I'm actually somewhat insulted that you would imply that they are the "leftovers" of the dating world. I actually prefer "alternative" and "unconventional" looks.

I'm being an arrogant bastard, and you're being irrationally presumptuous. Let us both put a halt this behavior.

AS is a scale. Some are more adaptable, others are less. I think you, foreveryoung, are on about the same level as me.

The 21-year-old above apparently is more advanced. Good for him. I too, can emulate NT behavior now, but the problem is, no matter how good I may become, it will always take energy from me, and remain a facade.

At 20-21, actually, I had my first girlfriend, and I thought that with the modicum of social skills I learned I would be able to fool everyone - including myself. It didn't work that way.

You see, I can attract women using the facade. In fact, due to my being a moderately attractive male (at least, to some), I've been in number of situations where girls were hitting on me and I was either oblivious to it (earlier years), or downright refusing it, because I know that they're drawn to the facade. I see who they are, but they see the facade. The facade is interesting to them because the facade looks like a normal guy who is funny and smart.

The reality is that I am not normal, I can't be funny all the time, and I remain drawn toward a narrow range of introspective, deep, creative activities. Eventually I will resent being dragged from one party to another like a chewtoy being dragged around by a cat - no matter how cute the cat looks while doing it.

I find now that I keep being drawn toward girls with very specific characteristics, and these girls are very rare. While most people take fiction in measured doses, they live in fiction and take reality in measured doses. This is the common trait. And it is very rare to find a girl who is not a med cocktail and/or doesn't work part-time as a house wrecking ball, who shares these traits.

Now, where was I ? Man, I lost my train of thought.

Gee, way to be positive and constructive.

That makes one of us. Look I've been stimming for hours now and can't get it to stop. f**k sakes.

Look, whether it was God or evolution, who cares, we are all made to be inferior. We were dealt a bad hand when it comes to the selection of our chromosomes, and its time to face it, most of the world is better than us. We were made by design or evolution to be inferior. That's just the way it is. When it comes to dating we must be content with those that are inferior along with us, or forget it. You are not going to get the gorgeous babe or a Playboy Playmate because they have been built to be superior than ourselves, and will not lower themselves to our inferior level simply. We must be content with our lot in life.

I understand the dating game, but knowing it and applying it, as you've suggested, is a different story. Sooner or later, I'd crumble or have an identity crisis or both. I'm not a social creature. I see myself one day living in a small town in an english cottage somewhere (if I have the money or meet a similar-minded woman or both.) I'm not completely anti-social...I get along with extended family quite well and have a close friend who's NT...but he's also very understanding and we also only see each other once or twice a month due to the differences in our lifestyle.

The only reason life with my ex even worked out, besides the briefness of it, is that she was understanding, and she wasn't a typical NT. At one point, she was, but now (or at least the last time I heard from her) she has a group of close friends she occasionally hangs out with, no longer goes to loud bars or clubs, and basically just works a lot. We hung out at my house, her house, the mall or just out to eat for a quiet lunch or dinner. It didn't involve meeting any annoying, judgmental friends or living a phony social life.

The other thing is I'm not good at putting on a facade or being charming or anything. I can be outgoing, but I'm much like I am on this site...I shoot from the hip and am uncensored.

Damn those Feminists! Why can't we just go back to the days where we could beat women with canes?

I think the answer is because it's one of the most atrocious, godawful ideas that has ever been spewed from our "advanced" post-simian minds.

Maybe he was implying that the conventionally unattractive are the leftovers, but most likely not for the emo/alternative girls. The latter are just known to be attracted to the other - they're rather xenophilic. And so their attraction to autistics is common, and so are alternative/autistic relationships.

There's no need to play "the dating game." This is a game I'd lose as well. A lot of folks with AS (myself included) are better off with "bookworm" types.

This is a broad generalization that could not be applied to every member of this board, but it sure beats being dragged to parties.

Maybe it's just my area. I don't see many bookworm/cute/smart types. I just see tramps (regardless of attraction level.) Like I said, I'm not after social, really hot types.

Yes. By emo or alternative, I don't mean inferior. Not my scene, but in no way inferior. Conventionally unattractive is a different story.

This is actually a good example of how I can easily get into misunderstandings with people who haven't known me for a very long time. I'm admittedly harsh and offensive...but even when I try not to be, for instance, saying conventionally unattractive instead of ugly or fat, I still end up offending someone for a completely different reason.

ok I think we need to balance out both arguments

Yes most of us it seems are stuck in a self-defeating mindset. It is not helping, but how the heck did nearly all of us end up with this inferiority complex? We all (NTs and AS) had to start on an almost level field at some point at the beginning of our lives. And yet we are here. I do not see how it is a coincidence. A few people here seem to be pretty confident in themselves, but most are not.

What comes first the chicken or the egg? Why are we all on here posting complaining about these topics instead of practicing? Yeah thats the problem, but also there must be a reason why we are NOT PRONE to practicing in the first place.

There has got to be some better advice for someone with AS or avoidant people. Maybe a more modesty in our deficits, and less modesty in our abilities.