Could an Aspie and a person with BPD date successfully?

Post Reply New Topic

good point. my husband and i broke up 8 times before we got married (16 years married, 20 years together). guess it depends how difficult it is between you, and whtehr it is worth it to keep working on it.

BPD and BD are related conditions, i believe. except BPD is curable, and BD is manageable.

............

Last edited by Fixer_Girl on 27 Aug 2010, 4:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

follow your heart, but make sure you protect it to

Last edited by jdcnosse on 28 Aug 2010, 10:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yea, we did "break up" for about a week maybe? Back in our 2nd month I think. Her "excuse" was same as this time, she was stressed out and thought that it might be best to be single for awhile, so she could work on her own issues. WE still saw each other every day, and we kinda acted like we were still dating (we had sex once, did other sexual things too lol).

My understanding from reading about BPD is that the molesting from her grandpa at age 8, and the psychological abuse from her dad all through her teen years (he'd make her go to her room so he could watch porn in the middle of the day (while married) and she knew about it, and he'd hit on her best friend (they were 14, he's like 50), and he'd tell her all her problems weren't real and that she should quit her bitchin, and he'd tell her how he planned to murder her mom (after they got divorced)) could have caused most of the problem. She does seem to either have BPD or BD. However she also has the "black and white thinking" that is a symptom of BPD. Like when she makes a mistake, or something goes wrong, she goes completely extreme and sees it as the worst thing in the world. Or she'll "think" she loves someone after a day, because s/he actually compliments her like a good person should do every once and awhile.

Bipolar is an actual chemical imbalance, while Borderline Personality can be brought on by genetics or environmental conditions or a combination. Bipolar can be managed with meds, the symptoms of BDP can be treated but there is nothing for the underlying disorder save intensive therapy, especially CBT. The big give away with BDP is cutting, it's practically unique to the disorder and is done for a number of reasons, including a desire to feel something, anything. BPD tends to manifest as the world's worst case of separation anxiety/dependency, except that the BPD person tends to anticipate being left and will preemptively attempt to "push" loved ones away from them through difficult behavior, it is extremely hard to deal with.

yes, good summary. i'd aso add that DBT (the next generation lol) has also been shown to be quite effective. i'm starting a DBT group in a few weeks.

i've never been a cutter, and i don't currently manifest with a great deal of the BPD characteristics. in fact i went to see an intake psychologist yesterday who was questioning that diagnosis, but i wanted to do the DBT program so i'm glad he referred me. i told him that i had tried a few of the concepts in DBT on my own, and found it to be effective, and that was enough for him to refer me to the group. but a year ago i fit the criteria better. a professional can actually undiagnose a patient with BPD, once they have shown improvement and have overcome the troublesome thought patterns and behaviours.

about pushing people away - yes. for example, over the last week i had been having a very rough time, and my very very good friend (who works with me) wanted to help me, but i would not let him. i guess i pushed him away. well, friday i was starting to feel better (had seen the psychologist), and in a team meeting at work a few of us were having a grand time with joking around and i eventually had a giggle fit. this made my good friend almost cry because he was so happy to see me finally enjoying myself again.

with BPD, it is easy to forget that people actually care and that they can help. it is also easy to forget that you are worth being cared for.

i appreciate you providing some background about her situation. though i know you don't want to embarrass her by sharing too much, it helps us see the situation more clearly. yes, some people call BPD a sort of PTSD caused by abuse.

That would sort of make sense. When we first started dating, she was constantly worried that I was going to leave her. She even postponed her best friend and me meeting until about 2 months in, because she thought her best friend was prettier and that I would leave her for the best friend. I thought it was just typical 17 yr old stuff with a case of bad self-esteem (after her first "true love" dumped her she got really depressed and gained nearly 100 lbs).



That makes a lot of sense too. I sometimes do that, but it's more of a when I'm having a rough time I just want to be by myself (kinda why I loved that 17 mile bike ride. I was all alone for 2 1/2 hours, and it was great, but I do like to come home to someone). But I noticed further and further into the relationship that she just wouldn't talk to me about anything stressing her out, even though she knew that I would listen and not judge. I didn't take it personally, and I just did my best to let her know that she has plenty of people that love her and take care of her.

Her mom didn't even know about her whole "break up" because she just told her mom the same thing she told me, that we were "taking a break." I have actually been talking to her mom a lot lately, because she's the only other person that knows the WHOLE story. But basically her mom said that my ex doesn't even tell her mom things anymore because she says her mom "wouldn't understand," when in reality she knows exactly what her mom will say, so she doesn't say anything.

Ah, okay

If the aspie was friskeygirl... no
If the aspie was alex plank... no

No one would date them.

I'm confused...lol

He's a confused "lawyer" with a grudge against WP, ignore him.

Ooh okay lol

Just an FYI since it seems a lot of people are coming into contact with BPD individuals, there is a book for spouses/relatives called Walking on Eggshells that is very helpful and informative if you're going to have a relationship with someone so afflicted. The book helps a lot with separating exasperating behaviors from the underlying person, which is essential if you want to have any hope of staying sane and not leaving them. In particular it explains the preemptive abandonment instinct, the "splitting" way that they misinterpret things, and the rational behind cutting and other self destructive behaviors in such a way that you can be sympathetic rather than angry. It's a very complicated disorder, much like AS and needs to be approached from a knowledgeable perspective.

very good advice!