NT Dating Behaviors

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I totally agree with that. It's not so much that I am deliberately setting out to be "hard to get" or playing a game, but I hold back a certain amount in order to see whether they guy will make an effort. Mostly they don't.



Oh dear, then I'm snookered... I usually end up getting upset, crying when I'm away from the situation and giving up because I don't understand. Then I avoid the person because I don't like being made to feel like that.

i didn't ever play hard-to-get, because in my experience, that would not have helped me to obtain or retain the men who i actually wanted to attract. i did not want a man who would play along with games like that, because men like taht would be playing games of their own.

honestly i do not understand the intent of the games. i do not read social situations very well, and playing a game like that seems like a long drawn-out way to try to uncover a person's true intentions and personality, but it hardly seems fair to either party. in my case, playing hard-to-get would have been a dishonest presentation of my true intentions.

i wore my heart on my sleeve, and i needed to be with men who were open to blunt, honest, open communication. if i had used games like playing hard-to-get, i would not have attracted the sort of man i needed to have in my life.

I find it strange that that the majority of people don't seem to be the slightest bit grossed out by the idea of kissing someone on the lips, or even French kissing.

I don't understand couple's motives when they make out in public. Shouldn't they be uncomfortable? Do they really love physical contact so much that they get lost in their own world, or are they really just showing off to the public?

What is the big deal about phone calls? Are people in couples really that upset when their partners forget to call, or do they just get some type of perverse pleasure from making their partners feel bad about it? How can their phone calls be so important when all they seem to do on them is flirt and talk nonsense? Aren't phone calls impersonal, anyway? I hate talking on the phone about anything.

If couples love each other, why do so many of them seem to enjoy playing cruel mind tricks and rudely demanding things that they don't need?

Why do the same people who expect their partners to do everything for them seem to have the most pride when they're the ones who accomplish the least?

Why is having more than one partner at a time considered taboo and wrong even when it's consensual?

How is nonsense talk pleasurable?

When couples do it in public, they usually want to show off, yeah.

Kissing on the lips in general is something I enjoy, though.



They get upset because if someone forgets to call it implies they don't care, which brings out insecurities in people.



All sorts of "reasons" which have been described above. None of which make even the slightest sense.

Kissing feels awesome. The sensation is just fantastic. "French" kissing can get a little weird for me.. but in general I like it.

Making out in public is generally done by those couples who can lose themselves in their own world, for whatever reason. Often the very young, or the just-fallen-in-love type. That doesn't mean others don't do it, those are just the majority. I don't generally like it because I don't like being stared at. Kisses are fine in public, making out is not, for me.

As for phone calls. Sometimes I just want to know my boyfriend is okay, wherever he is. I don't ask him to call, just to text, and say he's gotten to wherever he's going, or he's going to be late getting home, or whatever. I think for many others, it's a matter of showing that the caller is thinking of the other. When someone says that they will call/text and they don't, that sucks. And can be seen as the other person forgetting about you, however momentarily. I hate this, personally.

The mind tricks are symptoms of bigger problems. Either with the person or the relationship.

"Why do the same people who expect their partners to do everything for them seem to have the most pride when they're the ones who accomplish the least?" See above. A symptom of a bigger problem.

Having more than one partner at a time is considered taboo because we are "supposed" to be monogamous. It's seen as being "loose" or a slut, or any other number of terrible things, if you don't want to be monogamous. It's ridiculous, in my opinion. If all are informed, consenting adults, and they hurt no one else.. why should anyone outside of the relationship care?

Nonsense talk in itself is not pleasurable. It's being able to communicate with the person you love/like/lust whatever. And so it doesn't matter what you're talking about, as long as you're talking to them.

NTs like to be called by their Asperger's mate because so much time and effort on the AS person's part is spent focusing on their special interests. When an AS person speaks at length and frequently about their special interests, it is usually in monologue form, which makes NTs feel like their AS partner doesn't care about their input or what they have to say, especially when an NT tries to interject his/her comments about the topic or change the subject to something they are interested in and AS people obsessively turn the conversation back to their special interests. I know AS people do not mean to hurt the NT's feelings or frustrate them, but sometimes NTs feel like they are not being heard. Phone calls from AS partners of NTs let the NTs know that they think about them also, not just their interests, and it means a lot when AS people take time to check on them to see how they are. My AS boyfriend would often forget to call or not feel the need to call during the beginning of our relationship (we have been together for 3 yrs). Now he calls me every day and sometimes more than once a day just to tell me about something he learned about his special interests, or about his friends and the people he knows, or plans for us to get together in the future. I had to let him know continuously how I felt about him not calling me and now that he understands better, he calls me often.

Also, kissing a mate in public lets everyone around them know that the person kissing them back is involved with them, sort as if to indicate they are "taken." They hope that public kiss will keep others from approaching the person they have kissed. Also, some people like to kiss their partner in front of others to show off that they're involved in a relationship with an attractive mate. This is usually done in front of their peers or friends, to impress them.

What I know about Neurotypical dating:

1. They don't like Aspies partaking in it.

2. They don't tell the Aspies how it works.

3. Um... That's it. Good luck!

I hope you're not serious.

It may seem that way most of the time, but I have read numerous threads by NTs who are interested in Aspies looking for tips on how to make a relationship work with them. Many of the NTs on this site are looking for an understanding about how Aspies think probably because someone they care about is an Aspie or someone who has an other autism spectrum disorder. That's why I came to this site, and it has helped me greatly. It has helped develop a greater deal of compassion for those struggling with issues concerning being on the autism spectrum. I've also read several autobiographical accounts of Aspies in book form. I'm very glad that autism spectrum disorders have come more into the the public's consciousness because if I'd been an adult several decades back, I would have had a very difficult time understanding my boyfriend (an undiagnosed Aspie, soon to be diagnosed).

Chronos - I so you - this made me laugh out loud! And I work in an office where this is frowned upon!

That one sounds like a pretty arbitrary thing to worry about. A lot of people seem to list favourite food on their dating profiles and I think it's just part of their idea of trying summarise what kind person they are.