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Being happy with yourself...

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sunshower
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12 Oct 2010, 6:16 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
RyanS wrote:
However, a general rule is to be honest with yourself and actively pursue your desires. While doing so you can try to understand your desires better and improve your efficiency at satisfying them, but don't spend too much time thinking. You need to act and your body needs to recognize that its being led to something good.


But, in a way, pursuing your own desires like that is the most selfish thing you can do... I don't want to be that.


What if your own desires involve improving the lives of others, volunteer work, or creating music writing or art that other people later enjoy? What if your own desires involve scientific research, which leads to new therapies or medicine? I could continue.

So long as your own desires don't involve rape, torture, or murder, I say follow your own desires ToS.


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nick007
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12 Oct 2010, 11:44 pm

nthach wrote:
I see this topic show up quite a bit here. How can you be happy with yourselves and be at inner peace? It just seems like a struggle for us, compounded by our non-existent social lives.


I cant speak for others here but I'm happy with myself when I do NOT feel like a failure or burden. When people are better off with me around & generally like me; I'm more at peace with myself. Knowing my existence has made things worse for others is the cause of my unhappiness. I want to make things better but I unintentionally make things worse instead.


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Gremmie
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13 Oct 2010, 4:00 am

I found that the books "Being Happy" and "Making Friends" by Andrew Matthews helped a lot, both with social advice and with advice for being generally more positive.



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14 Oct 2010, 5:59 pm

the secret to being content with oneself is to realize that people can never be pleased. conforming to one person means betraying another.



Sallamandrina
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15 Oct 2010, 2:58 am

nthach wrote:
Moog wrote:
nthach wrote:
Moog wrote:
nthach wrote:
How can you be happy with yourselves and be at inner peace?


How can you not?

Inner peace can be obtained fairly easily. It's being happy with yourself that isn't.


No, I mean, what are the causes of your unhappiness.

I'm not happy because:
- I'm not a social butterfly
- I can't read non-verbal body language
- I tend to screw up relationships with the other sex
- I don't have too many friends even though I have an OK social life.
- I'm one of the few people I know who has not been in an relationship. Let alone any sexual encounter.


This sounds a lot more like not being happy with your life, not yourself. Being happy with yourself shouldn't be related to the way the others see you, but with how well you know and accept yourself.

You can learn to read and interpret body language - it took me ages and it's still deliberate instead of instinctive as it's supposed to be, but it can be done.

You can be content (at least some can) outside a relationship - if you find worth and peace within yourself you'll be less dependent on others.


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