confused by the behavior of an Aspie man

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Aspie men tend to keep their inner feelings under lock and key. I know I have a hard time expressing myself to the other sex. But at the same time, if I want to make my exit known I'll try to give the other party plenty of notice.

One thing that is true with me, I can't speak for everyone else is that aspies tend to make friendships on the quality of friendship but we are vulnerable as well. I hate to lose a friend, because quite frankly it's difficult for us to forge a friendship. One thing I might add is that I've never been in an date ever - because I feel I'll fail and irrevocably damage whatever relationship was formed.

Thats the exception and most people usually find the whole being friends with their exes too wierd. As a matter of fact theres a movie that has the exception thing as one of the main ideas "He is just not that into you"

A couple of quotes from said movie:

Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. but sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never gave up hope.

Gigi: A wise person once told me that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what.
Alex: That's true.
Gigi: But when I was hurling my body onto yours, you did not seem to want to make it happen.
Alex: Okay, yeah, here's the thing about that... You were right. I'd gotten so used to keeping myself at a safe distance from all these women and having the power that, that I didn't know what it felt like when I actually fell for one of them... I didn't know.
Gigi: Look, I just went out with your friend Bill. He might be just exactly what I need. No drama, he calls; he does what he says...
Alex: [stepping closer] I can do that stuff too...
Gigi: But you didn't! And that same wise person told me that I'm the rule. That I have to stop thinking that every guy will change, that I have to stop thinking that...
Gigi: [Alex kisses her]
[smiles]
Gigi: ... I'm the exception...

Thanks for pointing this out but this makes things even weirder:

When a person breaks up with another person its normally due to some problems they cant overcome and they usually try to forget about the other person, so Im wondering why would someone feel the need to find an explanation to the actions of a pàrtner that hurted them.

@ spongy,
I am not going to enumerate all the reasons why I think he is likley an Aspie. I was confused througout our relationship, there were behaviors I have never seen before and I am 42. I was so confused that I started to do some research, read a few books, watched a few movies on the topic and went to dozens of webistes. I am pretty sure about what I am saying. Moreover a common friend confessed to me he also thinks he has it. I should also add that I am not stupid and I am educated (PhD) so I take things very seriously and give things a lot of thought. At the time I broke up with him I was just exhausted and did not know he may be an Aspie. I did my research afterwards. I could have just labelled him as a jerk or something like that and just moved on, but there were so many things that did not make any sense. He is a person that I happen to like and care about, there may not be any romantic future for us but he is still a person. Especially if he has Asperger it is not right that I erese him out of my life labelling as a jerk. I am just trying to understand. Isn't that what many Aspies of this site would like NTs to do? To try to understand where they come from and care for them despite their difference in the way they communicate?

I see you glanced over where I said its rare XD

Second misunderstanding on the same topic in less than an hour, I probably should be getting some sleep by now, Ill finish my reply to AndreaLuna(almost done) and Ill go to bed.

Sorry if I was to strong, but nowadays for some reason there are women who try to explain every action of a partner that didnt care for them instead of facing the fact that this person may not have been interested on them and I usually try to scare those ones off.

Im impressed by the fact that you are trying to re-stablish the friendship, a lot of people try to avoid having a relationship with someone with as because it can be pretty though but you have been in a relationship before and you have done some research so you probably have a better idea of what you are getting into than them and hopefully you will succed.



Again Im sorry if my previous comment offended you and I was only trying to see if your partner might have had as or you were looking for excuses instead of facing that he wasnt into you.


I dont have experiences on trying to re-stablish a relationship(as I said most people tend to avoid this kind of relationships because things like putting routine/work/study... first can be a pain for those who are our friends etc so once its over they just move on) but Ill suggest you keep trying because personally I may avoid some calls every now and then and in order to avoid this my friends usually call 4 times in 2 minutes, Im not saying you should start spamming his email account but rather that you try to send him another message(it would be better if it was a few weeks after the first one, changes might need some time and theres no need to pressure others).

Spongy, I understand your points.
I wish I knew he is Aspie, I even think he tried to tell me a few times. He told me he is not like all the other guys, but I just did not understand and did not question him further. You are exactly right, I do not want to pressure him or stress him out. If he is not responding he may have a reason. Yet again he may be just him being an Aspie (I know he did not reply to several emails from other friends). So you can see how hard it is for a NT to interpret this type of behavior. It is a guessing game, not only that, but it also takes also a lot of strength and self asteem, because every time he does not answer a NT feels rejected and not cared for. So, I will leave it alone for a while and maybe try again in a few weeks.

No offense taken, its just that yeah, I do tend to be a bit of a nitpicker when it comes to details, so forgive me if I came off a bit too harsh in regards to it. and yeah I do get the same way when I am sleepy.

yea, an ex would be hardly stay friend of yours after robbing some of her jewelry.....

or after being caught with an inn hooker.

Andrealuna,

I am wondering if you and I have the same guy actually. My boyfriend (he and his ex-gf knew each other for 3 years and broke up over 3 months ago but still occassionally are in contact according to him) is in the middle of some serious issues so he is iin shutdown. He has not told me he is an Aspie but I am pretty certain he is from what he has told me since we started dating 3 months ago.
Very eerie that two guys are of the same ...

@ Greendragon,
mmmm interesting. Is he a professor at the University?

Greendragon, I just read some of your posts and I am pretty sure he is not the same guy. Though he is also kind in shutdown and he has not responded to any of my attempts to remain friends.

no, not professor so not the same guy. Hope Sunshower's insight helped though.