The trouble with rejection

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I don't even have to look any further to know you are a guy and an idiot on top of it. Usually one and the same. Just because you don't see the beauty of true love, doesn't mean others have to subscribe to your jaded self-serving views. And if you don't like having emotions just neuter yourself and start living with a bunch of animals in the wild, even they would scoff at you. I'm wondering where your mother was/is in your growing up process.

Wow you had me feeling sorry for you and your plight because I can relate. However, it's no reason to give up, no reason to just completely turn that part of yourself off and hope the feelings will just go away. If you have failed as many times a syou say would I be inclined to believe you changed anything? Or did you just repeat the same words, etc that you used. Kept the same philosophies to what you felt would be safe or would work? If you did, then try something new in approach. You would have nothing to lose. I feel regret at how I approached things on a good amount of occasions, because I always let my emotions rule me. Instead of using my aspie logic I just continue to lead with my heart and make poor decisions based on that because I am impulsive and tend to slip into thinking that females should automatically see exactly where I am coming form and know how sincere I am when in reality they are running into how many jackoff guys a day that are anything but good or sincere. Trying to set myself apart from others only brings out my vulnerabilities even more because in reality I am so far away from any other person on so many levels I would not claim to fit any kind of social mold or any mold for that matter. Forinstance, I like quirkiness and strangeness in girls, doesn't mean they like that as much as I do.
Bottom line is never give up, you will eventually see the light.

I had to LOL at the whole beauty of true love thing. Did I just step into a Disney movie?

While the whole thing about shedding emotions is highly illogical (and, ironically, is likely an emotional reaction to an irrational dislike of emotions), believing that emotions are beautiful and magical is just as bad. Emotions are chemical reactions. That's it. Nothing more.

This is another I really like and relate to. All really good points. When I see something I can't add somehting to I know it's pretty much on the money However many of thos epoints are easier said than done when you are someone like me who leads with their heart and is so controlled by their emotions. So it says you are a professor? What do you teach? Also you like writing like I do, as well as other cool interests that I hold, care to elaborate?

-sean-

I'm wondering why these guys will ask someone out multiple times. Are they masochistic or just gluttons for punishment? I don't subscribe to the whole "play hard to get" theory. not when it comes so early like that. I just think these guys have issues learning that no means no.

-sean-

Love is beautiful, emotions are beautiful, chemical reactions are beautiful. Everything is beautiful, especially you, Asp-Z.

i don't see anything inherently wrong with holding onto the dream and deciding not to ask someone out. if you are happiest in that what-if phase of a friendship, then i think it is not so terrible to keep things static. a strong, close, fulfilling friendship is hard to find, and if you glean some kind of satisfaction from the fantasy alone, then by all means: ride that wave.

keeping things in limbo is still a choice. you're making an active, purposeful, self-reflective choice to toe a line instead of taking a leap. it is admirable that you have introspected and discovered this aspect of yourself that wants to stay in the safety zone instead of jumping into play***.

that may change, and you may find yourself restless to go to the next level, and maybe at that point you will feel ready. just keep in mind that the object of your affection may exercise his choice to move on to a sure thing if you continue to hesitate.

but are you really happy alone?


***please excuse my silly plethora of mixed metaphors. i am not batting 1000 today.

This is a hard thing to come to grips with. I think part of the growing-up process involves finding your own happy medium on the "rejection scale". If you let your heart hang out too much, it's gonna get stomped on. But if you hide it away in the closet, it will wither and die, and you become bitter and angry.

You have to find a happy medium that works for you.

As I've gotten older, I've found a new appreciation for men because in this culture and in my age group, they're the ones who are expected to make the first move most of the time. Therefore they're the ones who shoulder most of the rejection load. I think that's terrible.

But I still have a very hard time asking men out, unless we're already involved somehow. So I've sorta taken a different approach ... now, if a man goes to the trouble of asking me out, I almost never say "no". The only reasons I would say "no" are if I really don't like him or if it's totally out of the blue and I have no idea what kind of person he is.

This has had unexpected benefits. Men have turned out to be more interesting to be around than I expected. On the other hand, they have expectations of me too, and if I don't meet them, they reject me. Which brings us back to the happy medium thing.

Am I detecting some sarcasm there moog? XD

Its not really a true hatred for emotions here, its just I oftentimes feel they do more harm than good. As for the whole beauty of true love thing, I think someone tried to color this thread into the full spectrum of the rainbow, as well as breaking of the horn of a unicorn and trying to stab me with it. Yes euphoria_revisited, I am looking right at YOU. Please go look up deadpan and sarcasm, you will find they pretty much describe me to a T. but before you leave, please pull this horn out of my chest, it really well bloody hurts. :/

Oh, and I am chaste already, no need for a neutering XD,

now back to serious, non-explanatory asshat mode :/

So what If I am a jaded Cynic. If I find I don't need something then I don't need it. I however am Indeed an idiot, a complete monster in fact. Here, let me go watch some breakup movies and treat it as pure comedy. Yes, you just saw that I am, in fact, someone who just feeds off of the misery of others, it makes me feel... oh whats the word... ALIVE. The lesson being, most of what I say here and in real life is just sarcasm.

Yes, I really don't feel the needs most other humans feel, such as the need for sex and reproduction, or to be liked and loved. If people do like me/love me, I will accept it. If they hate me, I will accept it. It really doesn't matter to me because I truly don't care. What I do care about though is when someone suffers from blunt metaphor trauma/can't understand sarcasm, It makes my sense of humor totally pointless. The best way to sum me up is I am like a cactus, except I don't hold water, just hot air.

See? I can do self-depreciating humor as well.

Now for an actual non-sarcastic post from me. Yea, rejection can hurt, the best thing to do is just get over yourself, and don't look for a "rebound-partner". Instead, you just move on with your life, do something other than worry about finding the one meant for you, such as exploring your creative side, or just enjoying the other things in life. Relationships aren't everything, and those who say they are are in dire need of jade colored glasses, preferably with huge lenses and frames.




(EDIT: Simply Because I couldn't help but respond when people overreact to tiny, meaningless slights against them, even if it was meant to be humor in the first place.)

The happy mediums and lukewarms are the best place to be. Not too hot, not to cold as goldilocks says.

I hear you on this.

I think in my own case its a bit different, and I think it may be like this for a lot of guys here as well. Rejection on the asking isn't something I'm particularly afraid of, and especially if she's someone I've known for some time I'll pick up on some rather pensive body language to that effect - girls will typically not make the first move but they will give a guy most of the information he needs to work with.

The biggest challenges are these I think:

1) Fear of the wrong 'yes'. Its one thing to get a blunt 'no' off the top, its a whole other to have someone say yes, get under your armor, see all the inner traits that you mask from the world, and split with you on that. Its the added effect of being hit in the face with life-long stamps.

2) When you do find someone who you can trust and who you feel you can share emotional sanctuary with, the challenge is - do they have the patience to let you acclimate for a few months? If you've been single for a long time, especially long enough that it ceases to pain you, you have a very strong independent spin at your core and its very difficult to just stop the gyroscope from spinning in a day, a week, even a month. If I did lets say find myself in a situation where the right person was there in the next few weeks, I'd have to completely reevaluate a) how I budget my time vs. us time, b) how to reorient myself toward feeling for another person, c) how to gather the motivation to treat her in such ways that would send her the right energy to work with, let alone d) if I'm completely unused to physical affection it would take me a long time, at least a month or two, to even get back in the swing of being physically affectionate and not have it seem wooden or brittle. These are skills, mindsets, and neural pathways where, if you haven't used them in a long time, they rust all to hell and you have to hope that you can find someone who's understanding enough of that not to run off while you're still in the process of rehabilitating yourself.


I do wish you luck on this. I'd like to think that you may have better luck in sorting out what kinds of body language guys will give if they're interested? That might be something to lead by. As for platonic opposite sex friendships - I'm not sure what to say on those, as in if you meet someone and the platonic friend isn't a mutual friend it would likely fall considerably anyway. The only thing I can say is just search yourself and try to figure out how to better take advantage of what's typically in front of you, not someone else's way or what other people would tell you to do or think, but ways and means that are perhaps more natural to who you are that you may not have explored yet.