Is there someone you still miss years later?

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At least you had the liberty of choice. Be thankful for that, no matter how painful it might have been at the time...

Newbiie here 1st post

I missed a girl (woman now) I hadn't seen in 18 years. I found her on facebook & made contact to wish her a happy birthday. We are FB friends now but thats it . Have said it would be nice to meet but never got a reply to that & didn't want to be to pushy & needy ( like I used to be with her).

This won't make you feel any better, but if anything, I'm disappointed I didn't get more. I feel like I really underachieved compared to my looks, my height, and other factors. I also got married too early, but I don't regret that. I just regret not getting more before that, and for the issues this has caused for me since then. It sucks being crazy

yes but...



that was the past

Ha, that confuses me. I always think of the past as being to the left, and the future to the right.

What bugged me was when I tried to take friendships to another level, and lost the friend. They shut me out, never replied to emails or phone calls, and the whole friendzone thing they claimed was a lie.

The solution has been to shut them out of my world and memory. To girls who weren't interested, or friends who never called me back or wanted to hang out, I erased their emails, phone numbers from my cell, and unfriended them from face book. I determined to make them unpersons, at least, in my own realm, and to make clear they mattered nothing to me anymore. And the friends I have that remain, I treasure all the more, so I don't repeat the mistake other people committed against me.

I do the same thing. After eating sh*t for a good portion of my life and trying to be nice to people who were condescendingly and begrudgingly friendly to me at best, and at worst, well, just like described above, I also have taken control of my own relations and shut out people whose engagement with me violates my social expectations and norms. By doing this, you take the power away from them in terms of their effect on you, and it also creates some piece of mind. I've had to do this to a couple of people lately, one of them, a long-term "friend," but honestly, when a friend stops replying to your e-mails, facebook comments, etc., what right do they have to be in your life? It's definitely not a person I want seeing any of my personal details on FB.

I think this is something many Aspies come to realize. Now I'm trying to teach my wife. There are several people in her family that hurt her in various ways.

I gave her the question that I asked myself. "If you weren't related to this person, would you want them around?"

At some point, it becomes a matter of self preservation.

Yep. I know it sounds silly, but for me its an ex-girlfriend I never got to slept with, but man - used to think about daily. I just didn't have the moves down yet - and like a butterflies moves on once it's had its fill on a particular type of flower, she too flew away...