Does it get easier or harder in college to find a GF?

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Smike
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17 Nov 2010, 12:35 pm

SadAspy wrote:
I don't really notice a difference. Women don't want me when I'm in or out of college.


If all you do is mope about and whine about it then yeah, women probably won't want you

Anyway, I doubt it would get harder in college for many people. More opportunity to meet like-minded people, including women. Guess it also depends on the course you're taking though. Some subjects have more female students than others.



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17 Nov 2010, 1:11 pm

PHISHA51 wrote:
I'm almost there. As soon as I graduate in my senior year, I will able to decide which college I should go to. First, I should get settled with the choices I make in college. Then I'll try to look at what's out there and if there is "someone out there". From a previous post here, they say in college, everyone is busy with school work, jobs, etc, but their are activities you can do in college that might help you find a person with the same interest as you. People are also more mature during or after college, so it could be another factor in this situation. Surprisingly, My parents meet each other in college and there choice got me here, so I ask this question: Can the chances of getting a GF increase as you get older especially if your an Aspie, or is it still hard?


Cliques are much less prominent in college. There is a lot more fluidity and freedom as well compared to high school. If you don't like someone in college, you do not have to deal with them on a regular basis.

Your best bet is to increase your "sexual marketplace value" to attract someone. For clothing, Jeans,brown/black leather shoes, and a long sleeve shirt are a safe bet.

Also what is your body type? Being skinny is a big plus.

Try posting a photo on www.hotornot.com to get a baseline for yourself so you know what you are working with. Join a frat or a club sport since it provides you with a prefab social circle to work with. Learn conversational routines as well.



Asp-Z
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17 Nov 2010, 2:24 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
Try posting a photo on www.hotornot.com to get a baseline for yourself so you know what you are working with.


Wow, that's exactly like the Facemash site Zuckerberg made before Facebook. No original ideas around anymore, eh?



billsmithglendale
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17 Nov 2010, 3:02 pm

Unless you're going to a Community college (because that is a different social animal), in College you are literally hundreds of percentages more likely to find a GF there than in high school.

Reasons:

--Many more women
--Less rigid social structure
--Young people looking to venture beyond their normal bounds
--If you live on campus, you have young people finally getting their freedom from their parents and their first time living away from home, which means they aren't worried about Mom and Dad seeing who they are dating
--Much more free time. You'll be amazed how much of your primary education was really just busy work. College is lectures and some studying, but not nearly at the volume (at least not for me) that I had in high school and jr. high every night
--Many more great organizations and clubs to join to meet people.

You'll have a blast -- just don't sell yourself short, and be sure to get out there and meet people! You should be trying to meet as many people as possible, please do not get hung up on trying to date one person and lose opportunities because of that.



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17 Nov 2010, 9:51 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
Unless you're going to a Community college (because that is a different social animal), in College you are literally hundreds of percentages more likely to find a GF there than in high school.

Reasons:

--Many more women
--Less rigid social structure
--Young people looking to venture beyond their normal bounds
--If you live on campus, you have young people finally getting their freedom from their parents and their first time living away from home, which means they aren't worried about Mom and Dad seeing who they are dating
--Much more free time. You'll be amazed how much of your primary education was really just busy work. College is lectures and some studying, but not nearly at the volume (at least not for me) that I had in high school and jr. high every night
--Many more great organizations and clubs to join to meet people.

You'll have a blast -- just don't sell yourself short, and be sure to get out there and meet people! You should be trying to meet as many people as possible, please do not get hung up on trying to date one person and lose opportunities because of that.


Unfortunately, I go to a commuter school and I live with my parents still. Man, if I haven't f****d up at the community college level. The school I go in San Francisco is overran by ditzy girls, hipsters, left-wing wackos and foreign students mostly from Asia. Man, my life is just f****d.



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27 Jul 2016, 10:31 am

I'm extremely worried because I just got finished with community college and I think these will be the most important two years of my life when it comes to dating. But the part that really worried me is that my university doesn't have co-ed dorms, so there won't be as many chances to talk to someone and create a relationship, or even just have a casual fling.



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27 Jul 2016, 10:39 am

You can meet girls in your classes.

In the old days, men and women used to go to separate colleges frequently. Somehow, they still found each other.



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15 Aug 2016, 6:44 am

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Outrider
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15 Aug 2016, 9:07 am

Actually a good idea, considering I'm a future Uni student right here.

Seriously.

Does it get better?

I'm not a non-social aspie. I'm willing to try and get to know people, I just don't know what to look for.



kraftiekortie
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15 Aug 2016, 2:04 pm

Look for a chick who's into music. That's your best chance.

And somebody who really enjoys knowledge for knowledge's sake.

When I was 17, I wasn't the man that you are now. I was just a naïve kid, short, not the type that girls went for. I had no real hobbies. I certainly couldn't play music. I was the "nerd's nerd."

I couldn't even run a mile. Forget about Parkour---I would have killed myself had I tried it (they didn't have it in the 1970s).

So get out there, Mate. You have a lot going for you.

And stop overthinking this!



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17 Aug 2016, 6:02 am

Outrider wrote:
Seriously.

Does it get better?
Yes and no.

Yes, because you'll be surrounded by girls your age you won't have to go out of your way to meet them.

No, because at uni you'll be expected to be an experienced dater if you want to participate. I remember in school, if a girl liked me she'd either tell me she liked me or ask me out. Both using non-ambiguous language.

By uni age, if a girl likes you, she'll signal it using nonverbal queues that can be very difficult for aspies to understand. Non-response is taken as refusal.


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17 Aug 2016, 6:15 am

In my experience, there is zero chance of finding a girlfriend at university. As a maths/IT student, the classes are not designed with any social mindset. It's literally just go there and do the work, in silence. Most girls there are already in relationships, for the ones that aren't there's a huge amount of competition because the ratio of men-woman is enormous. Then there's the typical behaviour that people will either cling to others they already know, or just whip out the iPhones if they're bored. You can't just meet people in those circumstances.

The way I see it, school was my only chance to develop a relationship. That chance came and went. Now I'm just f****d for the rest of my life. If you've never been in a relationship by the time you're at University, you might as well just kill yourself. There really isn't anything to lose at that point.



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17 Aug 2016, 6:36 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
In my experience, there is zero chance of finding a girlfriend at university. As a maths/IT student, the classes are not designed with any social mindset. It's literally just go there and do the work, in silence. Most girls there are already in relationships, for the ones that aren't there's a huge amount of competition because the ratio of men-woman is enormous. Then there's the typical behaviour that people will either cling to others they already know, or just whip out the iPhones if they're bored. You can't just meet people in those circumstances.

The way I see it, school was my only chance to develop a relationship. That chance came and went. Now I'm just f****d for the rest of my life. If you've never been in a relationship by the time you're at University, you might as well just kill yourself. There really isn't anything to lose at that point.


Well, that was quite motivational.



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17 Aug 2016, 6:38 am

Well then, I've already had two girlfriends, but I wouldn't necessarily call myself an 'experienced dater'; they were two very short relationships, in which I had no idea what I was doing, and I learnt barely anything from both of them that you normally do from relationships (I'm assuming I would have learnt far more if the longest one was at least 6 months).

I can pick-up signals a girl is interested - as long as she isn't 'too vague'.

By this, I mean she has to at least talk to me or if she looks at me and I smile at her, she has to smile back or something along those lines.

Unfortunately since these days I prefer shyer girls and women, this may be a problem if she can't even express her feelings beyond looking/glances with a neutral face.

I agree I can't stand how standoffish and individualistic this generation has become.

The problem is, cell phone usage now appeals to the mainstream.

What I mean by this is, in the past the only people who were occupied by something, such as a book or newspaper or whatever, were the type of people to enjoy reading. Those that played handheld games like the Gameboy were the type of people to like video games.

Now since anyone and everyone can access their phone when bored and do whatever they want on them, we have an entire generation that uses them in every location and scenario, from the beach to nature to transportation to class to at the library to outside of class, etc.

I'm sorry that's happened to you - I have heard that the gender difference between men and women in the Math/IT fields is very unbalanced and noticeable.

I have no idea what to expect if I were to study Nutrition. I guess more than a few of my classmates would enjoy cooking (I prefer to study it for the scientific aspects behind nutrition and how it affects the body), but have no idea about the gender ratio.

But thing is, I've heard the best way to meet other students at university is to join any local clubs or groups that are a part of the University, or are near the university and attract a large number of college-aged students anyway.

I doubt there would actually be any here.

Australian schools and colleges are very boring.

They aren't like American schools that have plenty of clubs and groups for nearly everyone.

Most Australian Universities may have dorms, but there's no streets or anything - just footpaths to the other buildings and the parking lot.

I see a lot of American colleges, the entire college is in a whole neighborhood with streets, coffee outlets, restaurants, etc.

There are only a few of those here, mainly the biggest ones.

Either way, I'd be living off-campus even if there are dorms at this one, but unfortunately I've heard living off-campus makes building a social life even harder as it is much less personal than living in a dorm with others.

I'm not sure about it yet, but from what I know it appears to be a smaller university, in physical size and student count, but this is just a guess, because I live in a smaller city and I've heard it is, I estimate 5,000 students.



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17 Aug 2016, 6:41 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
In my experience, there is zero chance of finding a girlfriend at university. As a maths/IT student, the classes are not designed with any social mindset. It's literally just go there and do the work, in silence. Most girls there are already in relationships, for the ones that aren't there's a huge amount of competition because the ratio of men-woman is enormous. Then there's the typical behaviour that people will either cling to others they already know, or just whip out the iPhones if they're bored. You can't just meet people in those circumstances.

The way I see it, school was my only chance to develop a relationship. That chance came and went. Now I'm just f****d for the rest of my life. If you've never been in a relationship by the time you're at University, you might as well just kill yourself. There really isn't anything to lose at that point.


Well, that was quite motivational.


As Boo would motivationally say, DON'T ever approach women you are at the very least not a mutual friend with. EVER.

This would mean you should never speak to any female classmates, because it's very unlikely that would be a success. :roll:

So only try to befriend males first, who can introduce you to women (that's if they actually know any, and since aspie men tend to struggle making friends, we only tend to become friends with nerdy/geek males who can't talk to women at all in the first place).

Only try to befriend males, even if you find it easier to be friends with women.



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17 Aug 2016, 6:41 am

It's probably easier to find dates/relationships with your colleagues at work (especially if the person doesn't work in your department, and doesn't work directly with you). I had a few of those sorts of relationships. I didn't have much ability to see social cues. It's usually a matter of loneliness for both parties. The signals given to me were pretty blatant. One even followed me home after work. No ability at cue-discernment needed there!

And I'm a 5 foot 4.75 inch man, and not all that good-looking.

All in all....don't give up the ghost. You never know what's in store for you.