Thinking about giving up on finding a girlfriend.

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I think I can provide some insight here. Personally, I don't have any trouble remaining friends with women. I don't automatically start thinking of all my female friends as relationship prospects. However, since I need to be able to deeply trust a woman before getting into a relationship with her, my circle of friends is the only place I can turn to for relationship prospects. I still don't understand the concept of a "relationship from complete strangers". I don't feel anything for women I don't know. For me, familiarity doesn't breed contempt, it breeds attraction. By the same token, the concept of "unexpected love" is also completely alien to me.

Great advice. Remember girls like talking.

Not necessarily. OK, living with your parents at age 21+ is somewhat unattractive and as your weight increases over what is considered average, your potential matches will fall. However, I don't believe having no car or having weird/missing teeth makes a lot of difference. There are plenty of men who don't drive but have no trouble with women. Also, any decent woman will understand that the average bloke can't afford £3k dental surgery or £30k+ for plastic surgery.



However, I do find this makes a lot of sense. Imagine you're having a drink in a pub or a coffee shop and there's an average-looking woman sitting near to you. Maybe she's a bit overweight or something but she's sitting on her own. Does this situation not ring any bells with you? It certainly does with me. What if she was attracted to you but you somehow knew? What if she's too shy to talk to you or concerned that you might think she's a tart if she comes across as over-proactive?

How do you know what will happen if you speak to her? Maybe she came in hope of finding company but you were too blinded by pessimism to realise. You may say she's another girl who thinks you're ugly or uninteresting but she might think you weren't interested in her. If you don't do anything, the other person doesn't know your intentions.

Meh... I wish it was as easy as this.

I have no experience in the whole scary land of 'proper dating' (disclaimer ), but from what friends have said I think it involves going on quite a few dates and talking a lot before deciding that you're 'in a relationship'. I guess the problem with looking within your circle of friends is that it can break up the circle. I started going out with a friend, turns out our mutual friend was also interested in me and basically I had to stop hanging out with them all. I do understand your point though... I guess sometimes widening your social circle is the only real way forward.

The moral of the story is: never give up! I suppose that would be true if I had morals, but that is a whole different post.

Get in line, lady (edit: just kidding mv, I hope I didn't offend you)

Seriously though, very good points, Dillbert, although they usually fall upon deaf ears...

???

Awww ladies I'm flattered. Tell me, if I'm so insightful, and good looking, and overall desirable, why am I single? Again! Last date was way back in late July.

I've been wondering the same thing...

Toad man you are in serious denial.

From what I've seen, you have a badly warped image of what dating and relationships are all about. You are like the least insightful person I've ever met, EVER. I don't want to bust your balls here or cyber bully you or whatever kids call it nowadays. I'm just trying to help. Look within yourself. All your hardships are within.

I really don't know what else to tell you man. It has all been said to you already.

I might be off here, but I've noticed that you don't want what most seem to want from a relationship - you know, marriage, kids, mortgage etc. For me, this limited the dating field drastically and I've often been asked in the past why do I even want a relationship if "it doesn't go anywhere" - and this coming from men. Most will see this as selfishness and inability to commit. Women were even more judgemental about it and I think it's very hard to find one - especially in your age range who doesn't already have kids or wants them.

For me it was pure luck to find a man who just wants me for myself and shares my lifestyle choices - I was aware how low my chances were.

Oh-hoo! You've read me like a book.

All true. I don't want furniture or a mortgage or marriage and especially kids. One is truly free only if one is released from bondage of material existence and of caring for dependants.

I don't want to be one of those cookie cutter people: they got an office, a house, a spouse, kids.. same old boring existence as their parents and almost everyone else alive today.

Their days all resemble one another for decades. Until.... Congratulations! They are now 70 and retired and free to do anything, except everything hurts and they can just wait for death.

I'm athletic and adventurous. I need someone to run marathons with me, climb mountains, travel, surf, spot at the shooting range, and fly dangerous airplanes. However, I'm not a party person so anyone into a bar scene or nightclubs or dancing is a no-go. Trouble is, adventurous and partying go hand in hand for most folks.

But also I'm well read and educated (physics major), to the point that I could be on Jeopardy, so need an intellectual equal. I play video games and design Web sites. I read Tolstoy and Dickens. I operate large computer networks to make a living, and they pay me very well. (Trouble is I don't want to sit in a chair all day... topic for some other time.)

To add to my ever-shrinking social circle: I cannot get along with American conservatives or religious. Just can't happen. Friends sure, but not a relationship.

No I'm not compiling a list of silly requirements like "must be into Simpsons". ( ) I'm talking about a basic personality match. Mine is a pretty unique one. Athletic engineer/scientist nerd, atheist, creative, well read, and a military background?

It is funny... I actually met someone just like me once. Alas, her foolish heart led her to another man.

Deleted as it was obviously a mistake to talk here about my personal life when this place is filled with hate, envy and entitlement.

Good luck Dillbert, I hope you find what you're looking for.

Last edited by Sallamandrina on 13 Nov 2010, 3:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nope, totally funny! We always need more humor around here!

Thanks.

Of couse, I'm more than a little curious regarding what you posted and removed.

Talking here about our personal lives *is* a mistake. I grant you that. This forum is odd.

I just shared some details about how both me and my husband share a lot of your interests/lifestyle choices - including Russian classics, mountain climbing and thinking people can do a lot more in life then pass on their genes.

Than someone who just created an account accused you of bullying and boasting and many other evils and suggested you, I and mv should create an enterprise designed to torture disabled people.

Yes, this part of the forum is odd - everything positive or suggesting success is received with hostility. Of course all your achievements just fell in your lap while you were sitting whining on your parents' couch