I can't think of any example in which a male boss would be at a female employee's home at ALL, let alone until the late hours, unless they are having an affair. Period.
Also when she says she can't choose between you and him. She likely does not mean who to start a relationship with. But who to continue one with. In other words all roads point to that they are having a sexual affair.
The boss himself sounds like a narcissist of some type - he does not care about her job or her feelings because it is highly inappropriate for him to 'come on' to her or even flirt with her, let alone go to her home at all... let alone til 2 AM... let alone since she is already dating you.
He's only thinking of himself. And usually women in her position (sleeping w/the boss, and I am only assuming she is. But all roads seem to lead there) either marry him or end up out of a job and feeling pretty low.
She is taking what you give her because she needs those things. I would not advise continue doing nice things for her unless or until you are both in a monogamous commited relatinoship. Since she is so wishy washy about the fact she's carrying on w/the boss.. that MUST include in her case quitting her job. BEFORE you continue dating her, BEFORE you continue doing nice things for her.
Why? Because right now she has him for sex and you for helping her. She shows no inclination and really has no reason (from a selfish viewpoint anyway) to change anything. WHich means... she won't. So YOU have to.
Decide what you will or won't put up with. (Decide what you can put up with, which will not eat you up with misery. Which by the way she gives no indication of caring about.) Now if she's extremely important to you and you want to be with her forever etc., she might be worth waiting for. (By that I mean, separating from her but IF or UNTIL she gives him up forever, and only wants you, EVENTUALLY to give her another chance at you. But frankly? Sounds as if she's made her choice and it isn't you.) But think long and hard if that is really true or if you are just either lonesome or thinking no one else will come along etc. Do you see the two of you togeher in 10 yrs? Do you want to? Do you tihnk she'd make you happy long term?
If she loves you then I can't see why it would even be an issue that she'd have to think about - whether or not to get away from that boss and stop - I'm assuming - sleeping with him. What is she hesitating about??
Also - if she cannot say she loves you, that is a bad sign. People who love each other have no problem saying that. Period. If they do, there is something wrong. You likely are much nicer to her than he is... so she gets an ego boost from you and likes the nice things you do for her. But yet she likes to date and sleep with him.
Look bottom line she knows it makes you unhappy. Yet she won't change things. She can, but she won't. She's afraid to say she loves you. She sleeps assumedly with someone else. That person has financial power over her. She doesnt mind giving him all that leeway. Yet she will not accede to your requests. She even asks why you still date her. I have to ask the same thing.
Why do you want to be second best?
(PS, I do realise it's folly to give this much advise to someone I have not even met. Please, take all this as opinion and with a grain of salt, and do what you will.)
29 Jun 2006, 7:33 am
