Never dated/first boyfriend?! ! HELP please!! !! !! !! !

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The rollercoaster feeling is just an effect of being a teenager. But trust me, even if it only lasts a day, at least you will have had the experience, and won't be asking yourself "what if" for the rest of your life. My own life is a long string of what ifs, and it has really worn me down over the years. I'm grateful for the one relationship I had, even if she dumped me after a month for my being "boring", because just that once I didn't have to wonder... and I am grateful to her as well for at least giving me a chance, when in all honesty i didn't deserve one, and will likely never deserve one...

You wouldn't be far off though... you'd be surprised at what 4 years of almost no contact with women your age will do to a guy.

true about the what if part. I've had a lot of what ifs in my life, and I'm getting sick of them. So I've been trying to push myself to do new things. It's terrifying but when I look back, I'm so glad I pushed myself for a short time out of my comfort zone because in the long run that short time of discomfort was worth it. Sounds cheesy but take youth group for example. I seriously had never planned on joining but once I did I was so glad! And now I have a ton more friends and am one of the leaders and it's just awesome.

ToadofSteel, I don't think you should just give up like this. You've got too much still ahead of you to be moping over what's already done. If you do that, you'll just make yourself miserable! Things are never as bad as you think they are. Push yourself to try something new and see what happens! Haha sorry I feel like I'm lecturing you but..yeah!

Oh and something new...today he asked me to go to the movies on friday. I am sooo freaking out about this now. Ughhh HATE anticipating things its terrible!! !! So hopefully all will go well and not as bad as my imagination is making it out to be. Still I feel sick with nerves just thinking about it....

What's to freak about? You start the date speculating about the movie, talking about reviews you read or whatever, then you have a good hour and a half of just sitting there. Afterwords, you talk about the movie and compare it to whatever else you've seen. Perfect built-in conversation topics.

He might go for the arm thing where he puts his arm around your shoulders. If you like it, you can do something like touch his hand to let him know it's okay, or glance over and smile. If you don't like it... well, you probably shouldn't be dating him. If you need to move his arm for reasons other than "ugh" (assuming he even gives in to the cliche) then it's acceptable to reassure him with a replacement physical contact, like letting your leg rest against his or holding his hand. Remember, he's nervous too. Oh, and if you're really that freaked out, maybe get some exercise before the date so that you're on the chill-out endorphins, and make sure you get a soda that's caffeine-free for the show.

Anything worth doing well is worth doing poorly for awhile until you get the hang of it. This includes social interactions, dating, and just about everything in life. And hey, you're lucky to be getting some of these social learn-experiences at your age. A lot of people on the spectrum tend to bloom late on that front.

thanks SamRen I just have terrible anxiety when it comes to new things like this but your logic helps me to work it out a little.

Oh God hope he doesn't pull the cheesy arm thing!! that is so awkward...

And that's weird about the excercise thing!!!Have you tried it?? Does it actually work? And any other tips to combat anxiety? It literally makes me feel sick inside.

Thank you thank you thank you!!

I'm not on the spectrum, but I've had anxiety issues in spades.

Exercise really is your friend. Regularly getting out for a brisk walk or heavier exercise will help you control your anxiety more than just about anything else. Similarly, caffeine is not your friend. When my anxiety attacks were really bad in my early 20s, I used to carry around a small packet of lavender. If I started to have a hard time breathing, I'd get a few breaths of that. I find sensory "resets" like that helpful. Very sweet candy and running cold water over my hands are other tricks I learned. I had been reading about educators using sensory tricks to "reset" autistic kids who were freaking out at school and figured it might work for me, too.

Remember that this is the stage of dating where you're supposed to be learning to get comfortable with each other and the idea that you might have a partnership. Meaning, you're not expected to be comfortable already. You're both feeling out the situation and looking at each other in a new light. It's meant to be weird. It's also supposed to be fun. If it all goes horribly wrong and you can't stand the guy, it was still a productive endeavour--you learned that it's not going to work with him, and maybe you've identified some qualities that are potential deal-breakers in future relationships.

(If the anxiety is an issue in regular life, or really a barrier to you doing the things that you want to do, see a doctor about it. It may be that a small dose of an anti-depressant might give you a higher quality of life.)

hey life isn't a race, I didn't get my first kiss until yesterday morning lol
good luck to you on your endeavor

Congrats, Kilroy!

Hey all,

Really appreciated all your helpful suggestions.

Unfortunately, I called it off.

Turns out the guy was a player. he had this whole love triangle kinda thing going on with another of my friends at youth group. Luckily I found out before I got too involved with this guy, and I called off the date. MOST AWKWARD PHONE CALL IN MY LIFE!! !! !! !

So I'm pretty pissed about it. And knowing that I'm gonna have to keep awkwardly seeing him every week at youth group isn't so great either.

So, still 16 and never dated!! ! Thats alright I guess though, I'd rather never to have dated than to have dated a slimeball. Guess I'll have to wait to use all your advice, but thanks anyway.

Now if anyone has ever dealt with this kind of awkward thing, I'd love to hear how you handled it!! ! its really weird but I have this like irratiional fear of the guy now. Like he seriously creeps me out and I keep getting creepy vibes all over the place from him. Very unpleasant experience. It's too bad; I thought he was this nice schurchgoing guy, but guess not after all...