How come women know when you're hitting on them???

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23 Nov 2010, 4:29 pm

Its not just an NT women thing. You can learn. I know of NTs that also can't do it, and it really seems like they're stupid because its so obvious.

hartzofspace
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23 Nov 2010, 5:26 pm

I never can tell when a man is hitting on me. I have lost opportunities that way, but since I don't get attracted very easily, that it fine with me.

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23 Nov 2010, 5:54 pm

Janissy wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

is there some reason why men would want to keep it secret? if there is no reason to hide your intention, then it shouldn't be a problem for the woman to be able to tell you are hitting on them. unless you were trying to be sneaky or something, which would frankly be silly.... because how can you seduce a person and keep them completely unaware, and why would you want to? (me=confused)

Question: How can you seduce a person and keep them completely unaware that you are doing so?
Answer: By being so subtle that the women don't even realize that they are being enticed into thinking of the man in romantic terms.

Question: Why would you want to?
Answer:So that the woman will feel like any ensuing romance is 100% her idea.

Of course women are highly tuned in to this (as the OP noticed) so that what is actually going on is a very subtle ritual whereby two people interact romantically on an almost subliminal level. This gives both an "opt out" in case it looks like nothing will happen. It also allows women to feel simultaneously like both the object and the subject of this interaction, which is very erotic when she actually is attracted. If she isn't attracted, she will still be far kinder in her rejection to a man who uses this subtlety than she will be to a man who is very forthright that she isn't attracted to. (This applies to NT women broadly, though there will always be exceptions)

i am totally clueless about that, but after reading the comments on the thread i've definitively decided that this kind of subtle communication does not appeal to me. i am WYSIWYG in romantic and sexual situations, and i prefer for my partners to be WYSIWYG too.

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23 Nov 2010, 7:39 pm

Aimless wrote:

RaquiGirl wrote:

billsmithglendale wrote:

Yes, it is eerie, but it's like their core competency -- women speak a very subtle social language, and thus are very fluent in it.

NT women, you mean. I have no earthly clue when a guy is trying to hit on me. As a result, I have historically ended up with the most aggressive and forward guys who end up being total jerks because of that trait. It's no good. I can't tell when a guy is interested so I end up with a lot of guy friends.

Same here, I'm clueless.

Me too. I've never been able to pick up on that subtle sort of thing unless the guy flat out told me his intentions and even then I was usually surprised.

Countless times I'd think I was making a new guy friend and then all of a sudden he'd just not talk to me any more. I didn't understand until my bf (now husband) told me that they went away because I wouldn't sleep with them. That was so frustrating because very few of them ever mentioned their intentions so I had no idea. :roll:

So yes, most of the guys I ended up involved with were very forward.

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23 Nov 2010, 8:17 pm

I don't bother to decipher, by default I just assume most guys are hitting on me.

ToadOfSteel
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23 Nov 2010, 8:22 pm

menintights wrote:

http://www.mahalo.com/how-to-read-minds

It's psychology, not rocket science.

Psychology is the hard one of the two...

Kenjuudo
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23 Nov 2010, 8:54 pm

blue_bean wrote:

I don't bother to decipher, by default I just assume most guys are hitting on me.

This is what I assume most women do, so I don't even bother talking to them.

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24 Nov 2010, 7:12 am

CaptainTrips222 wrote:

I don't think I'm that obvious, but the second I go from natural conversation to the kind you create because you're interested, they seem to pick up on it. It's uncanny how they do that. Not every time, but almost every time they seem to kinda know. It's weird.

I seem to have the opposite problem. When I'm trying to hit on a girl they don't seem to notice unless I'm very obvious about it But women think I'm hitting on em when I'm simply trying to be nice & friendly

I ran in to a few problems at work because of that before

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CaptainTrips222
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24 Nov 2010, 11:20 am

nick007 wrote:

CaptainTrips222 wrote:

I ran in to a few problems at work because of that before

I hate it when that happens. It makes them look so ignorant and conceited. Still, I've had that same thing where I'm hitting on them and they get all friendly and comfortable because they don't see what I'm doing, but that was only like twice.

hartzofspace
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24 Nov 2010, 1:45 pm

blue_bean wrote:

I don't bother to decipher, by default I just assume most guys are hitting on me.

Agreed. When you are young and fairly attractive, it is a safe assumption!

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billsmithglendale
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24 Nov 2010, 2:00 pm

blue_bean wrote:

I don't bother to decipher, by default I just assume most guys are hitting on me.

It's probably a safe assumption -- most men are open to sex with anyone, even complete strangers. Women are not similarly open, for reasons already discussed on this forum.

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24 Nov 2010, 2:05 pm

hartzofspace wrote:

blue_bean wrote:

I don't bother to decipher, by default I just assume most guys are hitting on me.

Agreed. When you are young and fairly attractive, it is a safe assumption!

Yes, it is a safe assumption, but not always true.

I HATE it when some obnoxious, gravelly-voiced, silicone-chested bimbo thinks I am hitting on her just because I asked her for directions.

Ughhhh... Please allow us lonely men some level of dignity, OK?

hartzofspace
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24 Nov 2010, 2:33 pm

Grisha wrote:

hartzofspace wrote:

blue_bean wrote:

I don't bother to decipher, by default I just assume most guys are hitting on me.

Agreed. When you are young and fairly attractive, it is a safe assumption!

I understand your irritation, Grisha. I find the same irritation when somebody thinks I am expecting to be hit on, when I am asking directions. Or they try to turn the most mundane social encounter into a bedroom opportunity, appropriate or not. IMO, one of the most trying things in life is to be constantly misunderstood.

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happymusic
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24 Nov 2010, 2:36 pm

hartzofspace wrote:

blue_bean wrote:

I don't bother to decipher, by default I just assume most guys are hitting on me.

Agreed. When you are young and fairly attractive, it is a safe assumption!

Sometimes a girl doesn't think she's attractive so it wouldn't occur to her that guys were hitting on her. Then of course, some of us just can't tell one way or another unless the poor guy spells it out for us.

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24 Nov 2010, 2:42 pm

hartzofspace wrote:

Grisha wrote:

hartzofspace wrote:

blue_bean wrote:

I don't bother to decipher, by default I just assume most guys are hitting on me.

Agreed. When you are young and fairly attractive, it is a safe assumption!

Don't get me wrong, it's a million times worse for women, for me it's just occassionally irritating.

I can walk down a street and be functionally invisible, most women are compelled to be constantly on guard for unwanted attention - it must be awful - I'll take my "problem" any day of the week...

CaptainTrips222
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24 Nov 2010, 5:32 pm

Grisha wrote:

hartzofspace wrote:

Grisha wrote:

hartzofspace wrote:

blue_bean wrote:

I don't bother to decipher, by default I just assume most guys are hitting on me.

Agreed. When you are young and fairly attractive, it is a safe assumption!

I don't know what it's like to be a woman, or what it's like to deal with unwanted attention, but I feel more sorry for the females that guys never approach.

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How come women know when you're hitting on them???