Do you rely on dating sites?

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Finally I made the step of using dating websites some time ago. I am active on OkCupid, since I like the concept. It is a bit of fun, but the messages do not lead to serious conversations. I think I am not getting to it the right way. But I changed my profile and some questions a bit and maybe now it will be better.

When it does not give results in a few weeks, I am going to try a different site. But I think part of that is paid

If my bad luck continues, relying on a dating site would not be the good thing.

I guess you've never spent 3 straight days talking to someone on Skype.




Hm...maybe for short-term flings and one night stand-type sites. But for ones geared toward long-term relationships and marraige, people usually want to present their HONEST side, as that's far more conducive to happiness in terms of LIFELONG relationships.


You don't really have to "constantly wonder" about whether you're compatible with someone, with online dating- that's the beauty of it. You can find out their interests, beliefs, lifestyle, and type of relationship they want from a profile before the initial communication even starts.

I'm with Bethie on this. I can't tell just by looking at someone if they are an ultra-conservative evangelical NRA Republican, but with online dating I can before we end up clawing at each other's proverbial throats.

Also, it really is a numbers game, as Aspies the odds are 100-1 against us but even those odds are manageable when you've got tens of thousands to potentially connect with - at the end of the day you can fail 1,000 times because you only need to succeed once...

Yeah...I've had maybe one or two people where we'd message each other very often, but for the most part I just have a few messages with them and then I ask them if they have AIM



Don't expect instant miracles to happen. Like I said, after my last breakup, I'd been checking the site semi-frequently-ish for over a year (my heart wasn't really in it). It gets REALLY discouraging, but new people join every day, you never know.

Nothings wrong with exploring options, though most of the guys near me smoke or drink too much, too religious, and too old fashion. I'm having fun taking the stupid tests and glad to know I'm rated more nerd than geek.

Last edited by curlyfry on 05 Dec 2010, 2:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I agree completely, but for different reasons. More and more people use dating websites, especially the free ones, as "activity sites". Instead of openly looking for a partner, they may just be looking for someone to hang out with/go to the mall with/etc. So therefore, the idea of postulating for a potential lover is completely untrue. If I recall correctly, about 25% of the people using accounts on POF were in a relationship.

It's really hit or miss, and you have to be looking for someone similar to yourself

Since alot of us are guys, a word of advice. If you are constantly looking only for a long-term relationship and nothing else, my experience is that you will gain nothing. But If you come off as non-threatening and instead just try to make friends, then you will gain something. IMO, it's not that hard to find a girl willing to spend IRL time with you in a group setting. "group setting" part repeated for added emphasis.

Kinda works like real-life, really. How can you be in love with someone you just met? Bonds take some serious time/effort. And really, what is a date but a meeting between two "potential lovers".

I figure at some point in the near future I'll end up on a dating site. I really can't get myself to deal with gals in the real world, and I don't expect myself to really advance any of my friendships or acquaintance-ships with gals.

With dating sites, I would presume I can find someone better for my tastes, and not just whatever

Actually, most of my friends are vegan atheist socialists who are tolerant of my Aspieness . But they all live in Denmark (and one in Berlin), so I guess that won't work for you anyway.

...which leads me to another question: What are the odds of meeting someone from your corner of the globe on the great big Internet? I mean, I have kept out of English-languaged dating sites, despite them having a huge userbase (~better odds of meeting someone), simply because I reasoned that the chances of me actually meeting someone living relatively close to me would be close to zero. Not that there's anything wrong with long-distance relationships, I just have no idea how they work...

Also, while we're at it: How close should a person live to you before you could actually make it work? I mean, I live in Copenhagen, but I guess if I really liked someone I'd travel pretty far to visit them (but, again, how do long-distance relationships work? I don't even like talking with someone on the phone or Skype...). How far would you be willing to travel to visit somebody you liked?

I second everything KnowRainSupreme just said.

Lots of Internet and lots of phone calls

I've had a couple of long distance "things"...had one that we actually put the "boyfriend/girlfriend" label on, and that surprisingly lasted about a year. I don't know if I'd ever do it again, though. But at the time, it basically saved my life (long story).



The only relationships I've actually been able to make "work" were ones where the girl lived 10 or less minutes away. Though now that I think about it, one of them lived nearby but was going to university across state at the time, but I had a job(-ish) and drove, so it wasn't so bad. Or she'd come home for weekends every so often, and pick me up on the way back.

I don't use them because of there being an even greater male to female ratio. There are multiple guys for every one girl trying to impress her. I also had a very bad experience recently so I have trust issues with people online. Am still open to meeting someone online but would have to spend months getting to know them because of anxiety issues and that bad experience.

Barring extreme good fortune, this is the only realistic way I'll ever meet someone. I don't strike up conversations with strangers because I don't have any idea what to say, except saying what I mean, but I don't imagine I'd get a lot of results from "greetings, I find you attractive, care to discuss the political situation in Iraq or the latest article in Scientific American". I can't read when a girl is being flirty or anything like that.

My experience dating people I've met through other activities or work has been horrid, as the consequences when it doesn't work out make it unbearably stressful to continue the activity/work. I hate crowded places and don't drink, so bars/clubs are not a realistic option. The reason I have to rely on dating sites is that it eliminates immediately the millions of girls that are already attached, and makes it a lot easier to tell who's interested and more importantly, who's interesting. I have a limited amount of energy to expend socially. If I expend it all on just meeting people, then what's left for the real work of building a meaningful relationship.

Are the odds against me? Absolutely, but I already knew that. It's a choice between slim chance and no chance. If I don't take the chance, I know the odds are probably 99% I'll never really experience being in love. If I take the chances I have and nothing comes from it, I can live with that. If I don't at least try, I'll have it haunt me till I'm on my deathbed.

You shouldn't let that deter you. There may be tons of guys, but from talking to girls on dating sites, I've learned that most of them are super creeps who have shirtless pictures of themselves and send pervy messages about trying to get in bed.

So I think, for the most part, this is one area where the "nice guy" has the upper hand.