So there's this thing with a girl with a boyfriend....

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I don't like that you think that if someone has ever cheated before they're a bad person. Maybe it's different for aspies but I don't think a single person that will live till the age of 80 will never have cheated. Peoples make mistakes, that's life. Of course you have to make the difference between players who regularly cheat on their girlfriends and don't give a s**t and people that actually love their GF/BF but for some reason have cheated.

What possible reason is there for cheating?

I have never cheated before so I can't answer that. I don't understand why you're categorizing humans into good and bad people btw. That's pretty outdated thinking, every person has something good and something bad about them, some more bad and some more good than others.

Some are just bad. Take mass murderers for example. I'm sure they have rationalisations for what they do too.

I am a bad person, for example. (not that i'm a mass murderer )

Oh yeah definitely but cheaters are not equal to mass murderers

So what are you trying to say here? I'm lost.

That wasn't really related. Just you said it's old fashioned to say people are either good or bad - just didn't want it to seem I was kind of sitting on a pedastal being all 'other people are bad' - when actually i'm probably worse than the cheaters out there in many other ways.

I don't know. I'm tired. Stupid horrible day.

I apologise for the whole argument.

Well sorry I didn't mean to start an argument, it's just that once I have an idea in my head I'm pretty stubborn about it, bad habit I guess.

The whole concept of 'good and bad' is too subjective to call someone else's opinion of how it works "outdated thinking."

What you consider good, someone else may consider neutral or bad. And what you consider neutral, someone else may consider good...or bad. We all must judge for ourselves.

And, yes, that's *must* -- not a "shall" or "may" or "can." We must judge.

That's just life.

Then that would mean that she is the bad 'un. An untrustworthy woman, not worthy of a man's time and marriage.

Aha; maybe argument was too strong a word - disagreement perhaps?
Yeah, me too, and normally i'm a bit more concise in what I want to say and i'd just respect you think differently.
But I was just all rah rah rah and not clear.

I had a sleep and talked to my boyfriend and feel better about life now, so I can see I was being rude-ish.

Brundisium, I'm afraid you're probably picking the correct course of action; stick with being a neutral friend and you'll still have a friend. It is possible to supress feelings as long as you genuinely want the friendship and were not just hanging around hoping she'd eventually date you in the first place (no offence, but it is a widely used tactic). You'll meet another person and you will still have a friend. It's a lot nicer situation than being accused of 'stealing' someone (and possibly have future arguments along the lines of 'I can't believe left him for you!! !').

My advice would be avoid mentioning dating, feelings or her boyfriend around her and just keep things very platonic for a while. If it helps, give yourself a little bit of space, but I don't think you need to completely end the friendship. If she gets back to you and tells you she's dumped her boyfriend, then maybe re-examine your feelings, but otherwise just presume that she's happy. It's not your job to sort out or get involved in her relationship; she cheated.

You don't need to tell her to stick with him, but you are within your rights to ask her to choose one of you. Her current boyfriend doesn't have 'dibs' on her, so if she likes, she can end that one, but it is her decision and I don't think you need to try and persuade her to stick with him; that just sounds like guilt on your part.

Let's define "cheating".

If you are 16 years old in high school and you are seeing Bill but Ralph asks you out should you tell him to get lost or should you go out with him to decide he is a better boyfriend?

I remember from my own youth that it is hard to break up with people. I am going out with Sally. I like her but I know that she will not be my "life partner".

I know that if I tell her I don't want to see her any more then then there will be tears and "what did I do wrong?" and "How can I make it up to you?"

My heart is torn. I really like Sally and I don't want to make her unhappy. I may well give in and apologize to her even though I know I don't want to marry her. The problem is only put off to the future.

To me real "cheating" is after you are engaged or married.
Then you have given your solemn vow not to look at anyone else for as long as you live.

At some point couples cross the line from casual dating to "boyfriend and girlfriend" That's where the cheating line is.

Then your definition is very different than my own, and i'd say most other peoples.