Is love only a biochemical reaction for aspies?

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I understand it has a purpose in our natural mating system, but that doesn't mean any of the stuff you think when you're in love is anything more than bulls**t as far as the real world in concerned.

If I love someone, and say I love someone, and it makes them feel good, then I think that's valuable and meaningful.

I've never promised anyone anything ridiculous, illogical, unrealistic, or impossible while I was in love, except in jest.

So, it's not a rule that you have to talk s**t when you fall in love.

And even if people do, they mean it at the time. If someone says "I want to be with you forever" then it's very meaningful at the time. It's just that time alters things, alters conditions, and meaning changes. And many people do suffer from wanting things to be permanent, and cannot accept when they are not.

Could you give some examples of what you're talking about, I feel I'm not addressing your point very well, because I am not sure exactly what you mean.

While you may very well mean it at the time, that doesn't mean it's not illogical and stupid to do so.

The whole together forever thing is in fact a perfect example. It's logically impossible to be with someone forever, and it's very unlikely you'll spend your whole lives together either because one of you will die before the other.

The bigger issue is how the love is prioritised above all else, though. If you're in love and you think about your partner all the time and put them above everything else, that's very romantic and all, but it makes very little sense in the real world. It's also damaging to your perception of things and your general thought process.

I don't see the point in the argument?
Love makes people happy - who cares what causes it?

Why doesn't it make sense? What are the dangers of making your love your priority? Do you personally find the thoughts and feelings of love difficult to deal with? When I was younger I definitely didn't like the feelings of love, and they certainly did confuse me and make a mess of me and my thinking, but now I am more comfortable with them. I may be projecting now, but I suspect you're more comfortable with thinking and reason and logic, and the different logic of feelings seems strange and threatening.

I'm pretty sure you'll find that being in a loving relationship is actually very, very good for people. They've done science on it and everything. If you get fired for neglecting your job, or start walking in front of buses over love, then yes, you've got problems, but most people seem to survive.

Well, for me at least, it makes me think very illogically, and you're right, I do hate that. I like my logic, as do many of us Aspies. I never found it threatening, I certainly found it illogical and I found that it messes up my priorities and thought processes in a way I can't really comprehend enough to explain to you.

They've also done studies showing how breakups can literally kill you. I'll link ya if you want.

When I am attracted to someone...the OCD thing inevitably happens...What is fun is when there is the "mutual" OCD loop...In my current relationship, which is kinda "new-ish"....but I really really like him a whole lot in that biochemical OCD-whatever sort of way......(he makes my feet feel funny)..I became smitten with him somewhat rapidly.....(I had seen him round the scene for a number of years, and he played at my venue and did puppet stuff at my venue..and while his face always stood out to me, I had not recalled ever talking to him before we started writing to each other after he showed up at my birthday party)...
and I have been in so many bad relationships that were either co-dependant..(whatever that means)....OR ummm....howyousay....One-sided...where I bore the brunt of the emotional burden..and the other person just soaked up the attention......till I just wore myself out or the person just dumped me.

SO.....having some level of mutuality is very nice..also...even though we are opposites to some degree..he is very computer-oriented..used to work for IBM..very much geared towards the IT industry, and I am some manner of Super Right Brained slovenly artist...WE BOTH are ukulele nuts...we both have been writing songs for years...Also, he has worked with the main puppet troupe in my city (Bobbindoctrine)...and I have my Puppetrina obsession......I am frankly flattered that he is interested in me because he is really smart and much better educated and stuff...and I am told by other people that I "sell myself short" and am "too hard on myself"...but I am simply very aware of my shortcomings..

We started out with constantly messaging each-other...back and forth...But I tend to write a lot more (am hypergraphic)....and when his writing tapered off, it caused me a lot of anxiety....(we live in the same city, it is just hard for either of us to talk on the phone)

Lacking "Theory of Mind"...caused me a "world of anxiety" during the earlier phase of our relationship...because even though we would spend time together and have a good time...I still could not tell whether or not he really liked me for some reason...It is the sort of thing I just can't "take for granted"..

Anywhoo...I think that ideally a combination of factors is involved....I have been a victim of the horrid beast that is "limerence"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence
Where one can have the OCD-biochemical reaction going regardless of serious differences or inconveniences which may likely cause the relationship to fail in the long run..or cause serious emotional messed-upness over a person who is truely "not good" for them...

Another thing that is good about me is that I might be more "understanding" of him in some ways...cause (tee hee) Even though he is NOT an Aspie (Just a shy awkward fellow vulnerable to obsessions who rocks and stims and was in early school programs to assist in his development a bit .....(hee hee) and who has some sensory issues and ummm we both make goofy jokes based on our mutual auditory processing issues...and we both have funny voices....and stuff like that..... )

Being someone assessed as being on the spectrum...and also have insight from having been addicted to this board for a number of years....I kinda have a little more inside knowledge about him than a typical NT gal might....(He was annoyed cause his ex-girlfriend/roommate/Special Ed teacher from a while back kept telling him he was an Aspie )...I think if he didn't have SOME AS-ish traits...then there never would have been any chemistry between us in the first place...but if he insists he is not an aspie, I surely am not gonna call him one...

Unfortunately I am also "less functional" than him in a lot of ways... ...And though I think him easily deserving of someone "More Functional"...He hasn't really had a decent relationship in a number of years and his previous relationships wrecked him up a bit...

Oh yeah...so my point was.....Ideally, there are a number of factors involved...

I think we both make each other's lives more bearable..I feel a lot more "normal" around him...a lot less volatile and prone to meltdowns and stuff....He sez HE gets to be the "normal one" in the relationship for once

I believe that love (being in the domain of the emotions) is logical, and it does often feel antithetical to rational thinking brain type logic. Ideally you want to understand and master both, and use them in harmony.

Breakups are caused by the absence of love, not love. Thank you for the link offer, but I am aware; some creatures literally die of heartbreak.

I think my point is that as much as it might potentially be dangerous if love fails and one doesn't have the skill to deal with it, as many of us don't, the benefits of love are also great. Think of it as like playing the stock market, or starting a business; if you go about it intelligently and skillfully, you're quids in, and if you mess up, you can bounce back. The idea of people avoiding the potential benefits of love because of the potential pitfalls makes me a bit sad.

I observe myself in the act of yet again attempting to create balance; when I see negative I feel duty bound to provide positive

An interesting way to look at things



They're caused because the brain becomes addicted to the chemicals that are released while in love. Love is, essentially, a drug.

Also, humans can die of heartbreak.

See here:



More info



You just related love to business and shares, you are now a god to me!

Love is just a chemical reaction, yes. The butterflies when we see the one we love is adrenaline release.

However!

It's the other way around. NTs fall in love with their hearts. Aspies largely "fall in love" with their heads. NTs feel the attraction and can't quite explain why they love someone. Aspies rationalize the reasons they want a relationship with someone.

At least this is so in my experience.

I think this post is talking more about infatuation than love. There is a big difference between the two. If you want to be with the person simply because you love the high feeling you get from em; that is infatuation. If you care about the person & want to be with em without that high feeling; that could possibly be love. My previous post in this thread was a little off; I was talking about the infatuation feeling NOT love. I got the infatuation feeling after I was in love with my ex. I was obsessed with her before I felt high & I was obsessed because I cared about her & I was worried about her & she was the only person who I felt really cared & understood me

I think almost the opposite, at least for myself. In other words, yes I can feel infatuation/crushes/passion/whatever, and that is a biochemical thing, but other people seem to experience a second biological phenomenon, or at least innate one, which is a lasting bond on a deeply emotional level, and for some of them this is tied to sex and/or infatuation.

On the other hand, besides just raw lust and crushes, the only emotions I think I can feel toward people are friendship, and depending on someone due to their role in my life as caretaker or whatever. Those latter things are not instant, biological sorts of things, but the product of experiences and conscious actions. So I'd say that while I can consciously build relationships that are sort of like those people have when they truly feel lasting love, I doubt I will ever feel it in that automatic way that normal people do.

I think that chemical high feeling thing can cause heart problems when it's sever. A few times recently when I was doing some extremely heavy crushing; I felt weird in my chest like maybe my heart quivered or skipped a beat or something literally NOT figuratively. It only happened during heavy crushing & everything was fine before & after & I have no history of heart problems or anything so I think it's caused by that chemical high

Proof wise everything that goes on in your head is just reactions at base.

I think love 'drug' dependency is quite an uncommon abberation; most people won't go crazy enough to do anything to get it.

And I do include humans in the term 'creatures'. Just to clear that up

All this talk of the sometimes fatal (or worse) consequences of love aren't going to stop it being a mainstream pursuit, and it's not going to convince me or anyone else who understands the value of love that it is meaningless.

And I'm a god, huh? Well, I don't know about that, I just try to make an effort to couch things in terms that might create the most understanding. Cheers though.

But there are serious consequences if you're deprived of it (you can die, your immune system weakens, you can have an identity crisis, you'll almost certainly become depressed, and you can also get cancer) and you're high when you're on it, and since it's chemicals affecting the function of your brain, calling it a drug is completely accurate.



Ahh



Of course it isn't, I just think it's important to look at things logically.