HELP I don't know if I should/shouldn't take charge of my GF

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Am I the only one who sees the irony in a forum full of social outcasts looking down on alternate lifestyles because society thinks they're weird/disgusting/evil?

haha; i never looked at it like that.

i would reeaally love to try that sort of lifestyle, but only on mine and my partners agreed terms.

the OP's partner seems too insecure/likely to agree to whatever to stay with her boyfriend.

that's not healthy, imo. >.<

A fair point. As I said, it should only be done if both parties are comfortable with the situation.

Agreed. But people are often quick to judge of that lifestyle even when it's completely mutual to both parties.

Indeed they are. People are afraid of what they don't understand. That's true for so many things in life.

I want to be clear that my "gross" comment, was not about the proposed BDSM sexual lifestyle. It was about the notion that a woman (or man, for that matter) is happier in a living environment where she (or he) is controlled in every aspect of her (or his) life. I wasn't even factoring in the sexual aspect of the relationship, but more focusing on the emotional interaction between the two. I have always favored a true emotional partnership and have been quite happy with that, regardless of personal bedroom preferences. IMO, sex role playing is healthy, but non-consensual power-play issues outside of the bedroom... not so much.

Anything non-consensual is unhealthy, I think we can all agree on that.

Yep, definitely.

I'd like to stress, though, that if we're talking about doing such relationships consensually, then the couple involved shouldn't base their decision of whether or not to do it on what others think. Personal relationships are not the business of outsiders.

I find that if you even need to ask strangers, or anyone, for advice you're unsure in the first place and it needs to be a completely sure decision.

Well, I don't know what it's like in other western societies, but here in the U.S., very few females who had a "healthy" upbringing here would be willing to be in a submissive relationship like the one described in the OP. Relatively stable males who take advantage of girls who carry an emotional baggage are disgusting, but unstable males who take advantage of this type of girls are just disturbing.

Last edited by menintights on 08 Dec 2010, 4:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Good point, but then, it's a pretty complex decision to make, and it's not exactly the type of thing you can generally chat to your mates or family about.

Very few people in America have healthy upbringings nowadays.
Could you define/explain taking advantage If the guy is taking charge because he generally trying to help her & putting her 1st like in my case; would you consider that taking advantage

If the two of you would like to enter a BSDM relationship and enjoy it, go ahead. I know in more, ahem, liberal areas like the West Coast, there's a BDSM underground that's alive and healthy, hell there's a BSDM dungeon in San Francisco where the Castro and the Mission meetup called the Armory.

http://www.sfarmory.com/

PM me. I have alot to share on this topic, but I don't think the love and dating section is the right place. I don't think you should push a D/s relationship unless she is verbally asking for it. Many women try really hard to please folks in relationships, and that should not be mistaken for wanting a D/s relationship. It is not a good path to go down unless she takes the initiative and asks for that type of relationship. Also there is a difference from a more submissive girl, in a normal vanilla relationship, and somebody who is actively seeking a D/s lifestyle relationship. I know this sounds complex, but you kind of have to approach this carefully and it has to be at a pace she is comfortable with. It is also really the key to being a good partner, D/s or vanilla. Also the partners involved have to be willing and mature and stable enough to consent in this given situation. This is not something you should even remotely force or push within a relationship. It has to be done with a great deal of self knowledge and a great deal of negotiation and consent to be even remotely healthy. Not putting down D/s relationships, and everybody has their own baggage, but I have to agree exploiting insecurities is not cool.

I'm NOT into BDSM at all. I want to cuddle NOT slap someone