Love making question

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It can be really helpful to try to talk during sex, almost continuously, like revealing your stream of consciousness. You might need to explain that you are doing this as a learning experience and not an erotic game (although it can be that too, and you need to be ready to "name the parts"). As you look or touch, you need to say everything that is pleasant to you and everything that is not pleasant to you. Your partner also needs to talk, especially to say in advance what he is going to do - down to the level of talking about every touch and every change in position before he makes a move. Some sexual contact is wonderful when it is expected and wanted, but hurts when it is not expected or wanted, and the talking helps prepare the mind.

I am assuming that some forms of touch and sensual contact are pleasurable to you, and it is really important for your partner to learn what pleases you, the neutral things that you will tolerate and the unpleasant things that put you off. Forget completely about spontaneity and go for slow, sensual and planned mutual pleasure. Spontaneity will come as you grow comfortable with your partner.

> As you look or touch, you need to say everything that is pleasant to you and everything that is not pleasant to you.


Make sure, well in advance....that you're partner knows you well enough that the 'tone of voice' is not as important as the 'words you use'
I as 'almost' NT, derive as much meaning from tone of voice as words said...
and a 'ohhh, I don't like that' will go much further than a "don't touch ...(here)..."

" ohhh, I don't... " , 'sounds', like sharing information even if the voice is 'neutral'
"Don't touch" can be taken as a "warning" or a "scolding" . . .a real tun off to a nice situation....


> Your partner also needs to talk, especially to say in advance what he is going to do

some couples (both NTs) find this an enjoyable activity....it is like a 'hint' of a suprise . . .

As Stu mentioned, spontaneity will come as you and your partner 'learn' each other

This is also true in an NT couple...
Each has to 'learn' each others hot-spots and turn-off spots....

If you have no intention of mating then you have no business trying to secure the devotion of a mate. Why waste his time when he could be seeking a real mate instead?

You want a father, not a lover. No one is under any obligation to babysit you, and ultimately you're just wasting this guy's life with your selfish naivety.

While I agree with this post, perhaps we could be completely non-aspie for a second and use a bit of tact rather than beating someone over the head with what we may feel to be a valid comment.

I think you have your own issues (re touch etc) you need to get addressed before you can be in a relationship. Like it or lump it, physical touch is a huge part of being in a relationship, even before you start talking about being in the bedroom.

It's fairer on you and on your partner to take time out at this point and get some professional help, because if it keeps going as it is, I don't see him hanging around much longer.

Ignore Invader.
He's trolled other threads I've seen, declaring that sex is the one true "purpose" of a relationship.
We're so lucky to have him to dictate the meaning of our relationships to us.

It doesn't sound as if the person you're with will be very understanding.
If he's literally used the word "excuse" before (like he has a RIGHT to have sex with you, regardless of your feelings)
then that's a huge red flag.

Now, hold on a second...

Some guys think that's cute. I don't, but there are those who do and can make a relationship work that way.

I also believe that couples get together for any number of reasons, none of which are necessarily "wrong." For me, sex IS part of the equation, and anyone willing to be with me has to understand that. I also find it perfectly understandable if someone chooses a mate based on appearance, and I think there are a lot of qualities in people that make them attractive to some people and unattractive to others. I've also been burned by superficial "personality" traits that didn't really characterize the other person in the long term. I also thank God my wife doesn't look at me the same way I used to look at her because I'm a lot balder, fatter, and uglier than I was when we met--and any guy who thinks his woman is going to look the same after having a couple of kids is crazy.

The point is each person's reasons for choosing a particular "type" is entirely his or her own. If she's looking for a "daddy" type (not saying she IS, I'm just saying IF), then by all means let her!

Yeah, Wombat! You need to get with the 80's, man!