How do you hit on women?

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I'll just add a tip that does help with self esteem, write down as many of your good points as you can (this will help in and of itself) and then place the good points on sticky notes (one point per note) and place them on or near places you look regularly (perhaps mirrors or by the phone etc.). This does work for lots of people, it does no harm to try this method.

Good luck.

Last edited by LostAlien on 06 Jan 2011, 7:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Grisha, the trick is you need to see yourself as dignified in these reactions rather than piggish. When approaching with intent is the one, the only, absolute written in stone appropriate way of showing interest - sure, women are perfectly appropriate in showing interest or disinterest or being preoccupied. However, unless you say something sleazy and grab someone's ass your not a pig, anyone who'd judge you for simply approaching is a bit like a child in adults body, likely has no sense of empathy for other people or what other people are forced through around them by social custom. Learn to disqualify opinions coming from that level.

Best way to see it, when you can go out with friends or to a bar, talk to women, and actually have them know what's going on to be rejected - be ecstatic because you just scored a huge victory against your own fears. Learn to say these things, walk up to them, and feel like its every bit as appropriate as waiting your turn at the bar or buying a round for a friend who just bought you a round. The trick is, after that, understanding that nothing's personal and, if it is, you need to internally see any notion of them being better than you as laughable. I think that's the biggest lifelong challenge for any of us really but, it needs to be done.

For me whatever the opposite of pheromones are I emit the exact opposite. I swear there are women who would rather stick sharp 12"" stainless stell needles in their eyes than have me be attracted to them.

I am NOT exaggerating.

The question of how to hit on a woman goes back to your sex drive. Hitting on someone is primarily about sex, which is why shallow people are good at it.

@SunConure

I think we're just talking semantics here, saying something sexual/crude etc is far below consideration here, I'm talking about initiating conversations with attractive strangers.

@cmjust

Women hitting on me?! I'd think I'd finally gone off the deep end if that ever happened Really pleasant thought though. I had a very attractive woman hit on me in the hotel lounge when I was in Ukraine in November, but my bubble was burst when she mentioned she was "working" (d'oh!)

@techstep

Thanks for the sage advice as usual. I think if I could just get my head straight the rest would fall into place. In the past, my romantic life has been "feast or famine", if I could just manage to have a little success with one girl, more seem to appear out of nowhere. Now I think I know why: once I was able to feel "wanted" as a result of my success, I actually became "wanted"

I think that's what most people here are trying to say - I've been in a pretty long slump, but if I can just get one break I think I'll be OK...

Thanks everyone again...

LOL!

If only.

whoops, commented on the wrong thread

When it's crassly done it's awful. Also when I say I have a boyfriend and they persist it's not nice either.

Trying to chat nicely (and interestedly) is nice and can pick up a day for single girls though. It can be nice for a girls ego when a guy acts interested in a nice way.

Grisha, perhaps to keep in mind the girl who smiled at you and said hi and remember the feeling you got. Helping someone feel good is a great thing to do and if you get a date out of it, so much the better.

I keep reading the topic title as 'How do you hit women?' Daayum.

I wouldn't know. I've never been approached by a man. Ever.

I was saying it must be nice to be found so attractive by the opposite sex.

Ok, so use that!! Let that cute girl be something you think about every time you start feeling like you might be creepy, or unattractive, or unwantable, or whatever.. When those thoughts go through your mind, stop, and just think about her and the fact that she pretty much proved all your preconceived notions WRONG with a half second glance.. Remind yourself that she *was* interested and allow yourself to feel good about that. The better you feel, and the more open you are to the idea of being able to attract a mate, the more confident you'll become, and the more you'll find yourself actively evaluating different women, and the women will pick up on the fact that you're checking them out -- in a GOOD way! And the more you'll get hit on...and the more positively reinforcing thoughts of cute, smiling women you'll have to fall back on...and the more confident you'll become...and the more you'll look at women...round and round it goes.

THAT'S the kind of cycle you want to be in, and that's the kind of cycle you *can* be in if you open your mind and allow yourself to feel good. You have it within your power to change this! Believe me!

Just curious: I'm pretty sure the "hitting on" expression is an American thing, how would you say it in the UK?

I think we've sort of adopted the expression too - i'm not really sure how we'd say it.
OH, pulling women? Yeah or chatting up.
I guess 'I'm going to go hit on this woman = i'm going to chat this woman up.

I didn't mean to hurt or offend you.

I just wanted to say being hit on in a crass manner can make some women feel very bad, I didn't know anything about you and didn't realise I might hurt someone by saying what I did. I'm sorry.

I hit on women with a healthy dose of positive attitude, confidence, eccentric conversation, and a playful mood.

It has thus far been unsuccessful.

Oh wow, you didn't hurt my feelings!
Though thank you for the sincere apology.

I guess it's just hard to empathize with having to fight off creeps when some of us would appreciate almost any male attention.

That's all.