Does this priority translate across gender lines?

Post Reply New Topic

I guess I do need to be a lot more careful about what I say. Realistically I have all sides to me. I am part boy-next-door, but the trouble is I'm also part depth, part party, have a lot of components to me that seems to utterly confuse purely the girl-next-door. Realistically though I'm looking for someone who's a bit of the same ratios. I have met girls who were, say, clean cut, very school, grades, and success driven, wholesome, but nothing went over their heads - ie. their feminine, from a different background, but their emotionally objective when it comes to people and things in general. I've also met girls who were in my crowd, shared similar experiences, and came together quite well, may have had a wholesome streak as I did at the bottom of it all to begin with. I guess it might be easy for people to wonder if I'm meaning vegan with dreadlocks, wrapped in tattoos, hoops through the septum and 'all natural' on shaving and showering - there are ravers like that but that's the hippy crowd, many aspies have a hippy streak - I'm not one of those .

Even right now, not looking for a girl who raves or parties now in her life, more or less someone who either has common history somewhat or doesn't have her head so deep in the box that she can't tolerate or relate to anything that seems like a paradox.

I've really entertained this idea before but it usually goes about as far as second round of questioning, mail back and forth, or worse for them - texts and dating - and I then end up being the one who flakes or vanishes because most of what I thought from the beginning proved to be correct. Without feeling like someone's a bit of a kindred spirit chemistry vanishes.

Also I guess I could say that in terms of looking for anyone who's a 70, 80, or 90% carbon copy of me, I'd much rather that be in the cognitive sense than in their specific choices of interest. Typically though I can see that somewhat in a picture or when they mention in their profile being into photography, art appreciation, music-wise also I notice a lot of girls who are on a similar page may like indie blues or folk the way I like the stuff I do just based in that they get a similar interpretation of things, and I suppose that's an area where we then easily have mutual respect and enjoyment from each other's tastes in music as well . I wouldn't even be that closed minded though, just that if a girl is top 40, sports, etc., I need to be able to look at her picture and see something that reminds me of someone I've met who I did have great mutual chemistry with (in these cases: but unfortunately not single). I know people don't fit into neat little stacks, society on average may seem like it fits into a very narrow and small stack being on the outside for whatever reason I'm out here but I do know people can surprise me, but strangely enough being surprised happens much more often IRL than it does on a dating site. IRL I can run into a girl who looks like a standard bar girl, or standard preppy, and then she opens her mouth and surprises the heck out of me in a positive way. Online they'll typically make themselves quite distinct in their profiles as well.

And I agree, that goes completely backwards to anything I've ever heard from most people. Its typically a thing of 'if you don't show intent within ten seconds of seeing them - forget it', its as if nature is the only truth and intellect/identity is a lie in their books.

I'm glad that worked well for you though. I don't know how I could do that. I typically don't have female friends though, at least who weren't gf's of close guy friends originally. I think the reason being - it seems like women's reactions to me have been a bit too polarized, very few if any simply want to be friends.


That's aweful though. I would think that when they say 'attractive' they'd mean physically attractive - which means, for reference to you, that a guy could be anything from a GQ, jock, good clean christian, jewish, or mormon guy to being a musician, artist, industrial, grunge, hip-hop, etc. etc.. 'Attractive' has nothing to do with 'societal conformist'. If they'd want to think of it purely in terms of "What does the standard Top 40 tabloid reader find attractive?" they really need to think about reading what else you say about yourself via the questions and your own words before putting such odd restrictions on it. If they are doing that much odd guessing and filling in blanks on your own identity for you though - likely there's no hope, they'd be doing it throughout the test. I can't say they aren't doing it, just that - wow - anyone who isn't Joe/Jane Conformist or neuro-mainstream can kiss that site goodbye.

A few more things since I'm lunch break and have a moment.

Unfortunately I think that would confuse them more than anything? I have spiritual but not religious set on my profile, I actually don't mind a girl who goes to church out of reverence - and I have reverence for things like this - just that I'm far from being a 'cultural Christian' or anything like that where the dogma kicks in. Then again I've met enough girls who were cool and church really didn't get in the way of that, I tend to also enjoy books that drill deeper on theology, like Michael Novak's No One Sees God which is still high on my favorites list. Practical Christians - yes. The 'You have to listen to country or top 40 and wear Liz Claiborn and khaki's always to classify as a good boy', people like that I just don't get and I can't say for sure that I ever will, its not so much that I don't understand ignorance so much as I don't understand people being able to stay in bubbles like that well in their 20's, 30's, and beyond.



The impression that I get of this guy is that he was rollcast socially as a sports stats nerd (ie. the guys back in highschool who'd talk baseball cards and stats all day), apparently he was having some trouble with that so he figured that if he hit himself in the face with a tacklebox enough times and inked things up that people wouldn't seem him beneath it.

Life unfortunately does strange things to people, and typically when you see people doing things this gaudy its a sign of some sort of repression.

That's why Aspie girls are so cool Most of us enjoy the company of men, not just for the sake of having a romantic relationship like so many females do. From everything I have ever heard from others (NT's), everyone of the opposite sex is a potential mate, whereas in my world, only a few are potential mates, but almost everyone is a potential friend This point of view has frustrated quite a few NT guys along the way, but I knew what I wanted, and I wasn't going to just settle for any relationship...



Best I can figure out is that they only make the matches based on the questionnaire. So if you say that looks are very important to you, you are matched with someone who considers themselves very good looking or who also says that looks are very important to them as well (not sure which one, been a long time since I visited the site). They feel that their approach is very scientific, and that their questions have been honed to provide the most accurate picture of who you are and what you desire in a mate. That's great if you read the questions in the context that they were written in, which is hard to do when you have a hard time judging context without additional details...lol!