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Friend Zone

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emlion
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11 Jan 2011, 4:02 pm

Brainiac5 wrote:
emlion wrote:
I know before you thought i was picking the quick and exciting relationship over a good friend.
but actually it's the opposite, and i did struggle with it to begin with.
every relationship before this one has been with the 'bad-boy', for the exciting rush of it.
but i decided to give the 'nice-guy' a chance, and it's incredible. I mean, we actually connect on every level -instead of just superficially.

There was a point in there, but i forgot what it was. :?


Yeah, I was being a jerk. Your OP wasn't entirely clear, but I made things bad by projecting my personal frustrations onto it and not bothering to read following posts. And I was overly melodramatic, especially with what I said about curing females. Really, all I was thinking about is that most women seem to have a misguided perspective on relationships, but I blew it out of proportion. For that I owe you and the other ladies my apologies.

Sheesh, who said Aspies don't have emotions. We have more difficulty managing and communicating them, but when they come out, they really come out.


It's okay - i do get unclear when i get worked up. >.<
haaa, yep - most of the time in real life especially, i don't really show emotions but when i do, it's a real storm. :lol:



Brainiac5
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11 Jan 2011, 4:12 pm

emlion wrote:
It's okay - i do get unclear when i get worked up. >.<
haaa, yep - most of the time in real life especially, i don't really show emotions but when i do, it's a real storm. :lol:


Yep, and it often causes problems for us. I think people think we're immature when that happens.



emlion
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11 Jan 2011, 4:15 pm

Brainiac5 wrote:
emlion wrote:
It's okay - i do get unclear when i get worked up. >.<
haaa, yep - most of the time in real life especially, i don't really show emotions but when i do, it's a real storm. :lol:


Yep, and it often causes problems for us. I think people think we're immature when that happens.


yeah, i always get told 'oh stop having a tantrum'.
although that is totally what i'm doing. :lol:
and it usually gets me what i want actually. :roll:



Sallamandrina
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11 Jan 2011, 5:05 pm

Can't help much since I was first friends with my husband before getting involved - not best friends though.

Maybe she's not attracted to you - if there's no chemistry then the chances she'll ever see you as more than a friend are very slim.


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Brainiac5
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11 Jan 2011, 8:36 pm

emlion wrote:
Brainiac5 wrote:
emlion wrote:
It's okay - i do get unclear when i get worked up. >.<
haaa, yep - most of the time in real life especially, i don't really show emotions but when i do, it's a real storm. :lol:


Yep, and it often causes problems for us. I think people think we're immature when that happens.


yeah, i always get told 'oh stop having a tantrum'.
although that is totally what i'm doing. :lol:
and it usually gets me what i want actually. :roll:


Nope. Women don't have it easier at all.



emlion
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11 Jan 2011, 8:40 pm

Brainiac5 wrote:
emlion wrote:
Brainiac5 wrote:
emlion wrote:
It's okay - i do get unclear when i get worked up. >.<
haaa, yep - most of the time in real life especially, i don't really show emotions but when i do, it's a real storm. :lol:


Yep, and it often causes problems for us. I think people think we're immature when that happens.


yeah, i always get told 'oh stop having a tantrum'.
although that is totally what i'm doing. :lol:
and it usually gets me what i want actually. :roll:


Nope. Women don't have it easier at all.


Oh please. I just luckily after a hard struggle found a guy who'd do anything for me.
It's in no way an argument for women having it easier. Jeez.



Brainiac5
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11 Jan 2011, 9:37 pm

emlion wrote:
Brainiac5 wrote:
emlion wrote:
Brainiac5 wrote:
emlion wrote:
It's okay - i do get unclear when i get worked up. >.<
haaa, yep - most of the time in real life especially, i don't really show emotions but when i do, it's a real storm. :lol:


Yep, and it often causes problems for us. I think people think we're immature when that happens.


yeah, i always get told 'oh stop having a tantrum'.
although that is totally what i'm doing. :lol:
and it usually gets me what i want actually. :roll:


Nope. Women don't have it easier at all.


Oh please. I just luckily after a hard struggle found a guy who'd do anything for me.
It's in no way an argument for women having it easier. Jeez.


Read my post in the proper context, as a response to "tantrums get me what I want."



Chronos
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12 Jan 2011, 2:17 am

Normally I'm rather annoyed by stuck in the friend zone posts because in most instances, the person posting it planted him or herself there by clinging on when it was clear that the other person wasn't interested from the start, or by not acting fast enough to declare they were interested as being more than friends, for fear of rejection.

But I think your situation is a little unique because it sounds like you both simultaneously planted yourselves in the friend zone.

I certainly understand that friendship and romance are two different things, which entail two different levels of attraction and compatibility, but I'm not sure I understand your friend's logic of why she can't date you in light of her confession of initial attraction. I can only speculate that perhaps she thought she was attracted to you as a love interest but decided she wasn't after she got to know you. Or perhaps she was never attracted to you and felt pressured into saying she was. Or perhaps it's deeper than that, and she is attracted to you, but feels she cannot maintain a romantic relationship, and doesn't want to risk losing you as a friend.

I think I'd probably want some more clarification on the matter.

If it's clear she isn't interested in having a romantic relationship with you, it's not appropriate to cling on to her, and it may be detrimental to the relationship. I would probably distance myself and start dating other people.



Brainiac5
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12 Jan 2011, 10:43 am

The reason things worked the way they did, is because she was already seeing someone when we met, and then I was seeing someone when they broke up. After that she dated my roommate for a while.
There was a girl I like before, and I did make clear that I liked her that way, and she made it clear that she did not. So I don't just place myself into the friend zone.



bewarethebob
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12 Jan 2011, 2:20 pm

Gah, i think it needs to be clear that what emilion is saying is true. Some women [not all] are indeed superficial. They go for the bad boy for the rush of it. But that being said, there are people that go for the nice guy. The nice guy, at least in my opinion, pays off more.

But hey, i wont force anyones hand. It is their choice.

Best of luck brainiac5