Solving the friend zone problem.

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Wrong. The solution is be somebody that women don't want to be just friends with.

Here's an example for you
I started talking to a girl who had a boyfriend in July
She started talking about sex to me within the week
The next week I had a brand new girlfriend so I pushed girl A off
The next week me and brand new girlfriend broke up and so did girl A and her boyfriend
Same day Girl A starts coming onto me again, within a day she hints at wanting a relationship and I turn her down pointing out all my problems
6 months later, she's still convinced that we'd be good together and yet we're friends because I decide not to pursue it (and have another girlfriend)

There have been maybe 2 women I've ever had a problem with throwing me in the friend zone. One was a girl we'll call Deborah and another one we'll call Alanna. I had liked Deborah since I was like 9 and I asked her out when I was 14. I think the problem there was first of all because we knew each other for half a decade, further ruining that situation is the fact that I can say with some certainty that she hadn't come close to puberty before we started talking, people don't adapt entirely to change so I'm sure she thinks about our pre-pubescent friendship and can't see it any other way. Alanna...she just plain used me. She realized that I could talk her through any problem and she told me something like "I'm choosing mike as my boyfriend because I can be honest with you, I can't be honest with a boyfriend". So I pretty much concluded that Alanna was a b***h, no big loss there.

The key things I think that separate me from friend zone guys
1. Wisdom - most of my friends turned girlfriends depended on me for emotional support and words of it. Regardless of how many male friends they had I gave the BEST advice
2. Attitude - I don't give a s**t, I don't whine about my feelings or even ask girls out most of the time. I portray myself as I am, an as*hole. Why women like this I haven't quite figured it out. Maybe it conflicts their intuition and makes them curious, maybe they just appreciate the honesty or maybe they are just f****d up enough to want someone who has issues - possibly for the purpose of fixing.

to Braniac's original post:

That's one solution (refusing to be friends), but not the optimal one. You miss out on a lot of networking opportunities, and then women (the ones who pick up on your attitude) realize you are just out for one thing, or so they think. Also, if you don't know how to be friends with a woman, aren't you going to be out of practice when you finally land one?

Let's face it -- when you meet and try to court women (or ask them out), there are going to be some good end states, and some bad.

Sometimes you are going to be outright rejected -- "I don't want to know you" (even if they say that through actions rather than words, it doesn't have to be that explicit).

Sometimes you will get friended -- "I like you just as a friend." Also another turn of bad luck for you -- you don't fit her tastes, or remind her of a relative, or some other factor. You're never going to get anywhere with her, but maybe her friends are different.....

And sometimes you will be liked. You don't get to this state without at least some failures -- you have to knock on some doors to get a sale, know what I mean?

Extra note on this -- being a friend does not mean letting yourself be used. If a girl is your friend, don't make her your "special friend" that you really just want to sleep with secretly or be her BF/husband. That's not going to work.

If you find yourself too drawn to someone, yes, cut it off if they aren't going to, or shouldn't, reciprocate. And if you find someone asking you to do BF/husband type things, but without any of the intimacy or a real relationship (because not all women who are friends are real friends, some are users), you've found yourself an example of the infamous "User" -- do yourself a favor and don't waste time with these people either. The price of admission for doing relationship-type things is.... A RELATIONSHIP! If she's not going to ever get there with you, then yes, I do think you should not keep up the friendship.

How does one become an as*hole? Is it something you're born with or can it be learned?

It doesn't really come to me naturally, but I'd be willing to try...

You get hurt enough. Sooner or later soft skin becomes calloused and rough scar tissue forms. As does a human "heart". When I was 12 my goal was to be rejected by enough girls that I wouldn't give a s**t, I failed at this and gave up on it. Then a half dozen girlfriends and various other girls I had more casual relationships with made me worse and worse

Between 2 girls alone I've racked up 3 SOLID years of reasons to not be emotionally attached to women. The first of which I confronted a year later and told her everything I had done since she cheated on me (like trying to get with 2 of my exs in the same week) and she couldn't even believe how much I had changed, being cheated on her changed me that much.

So it sounds like you need to be in several relationships in order to become proficient at being an as*hole, but you can't get into a relationship in the first place unless you are already an as*hole.

Sounds like a Catch-22.

Is there some way you can "bootstrap" your way to becoming an as*hole? Like taking a class in misogynist profanity or something?

Grisha, seriously don't become this way, you are pretty close to an ideal guy in general (regardless of NT or AS). Its not because of your wealth, but you are solid and well rounded. This type of person who plays these games don't last to long in relationships anyway, and I think in your case you will find something lasting.

Firstly, thanks

Secondly, I was just trying to be funny! I should know better than to attempt satire in an Aspie forum...

Perhaps I'm being a bit too binary on the issue, but she is either going to date you, or she is not, and if she is not then you both have to agree to just be friends and carry on dating others without being jealous of each other's partner, or distance yourselves from each other.
As a best friend, she has no right to be jealous of any girlfriends you might have, as you have no right to be jealous of any boyfriends she might have.

Now I do understand that you believe yourself to be in love with her, but for whatever reason, she does not reciprocate this or has a different philosophy on the issue. Should you abandon all hope about a relationship between you two? I'm hesitant to say so because I feel I don't know the entire nature of the situation, but I wouldn't keep yourself on the back burner. I'd at least explorer other relationships.

I'm a total bastard, and it works...well so-so with me
mostly cause I don't go out a whole-whole lot (least not around a crowd of girls I want to date)

In my case, once I have been "friend zoned" thats it, there is NO chance for it go deeper then that. Women never see me as something more. I have also never seen a women be friends with someone then it goes deeper. I have seen women either friend zone someone or jump right into relationship mode with someone they just met.

since I have never seen a M F friendship grow deeper, I feel women that are not attracted to you will say "lets be friends" and always think of you that way.

Actually, I wouldn't mind being "friend-zoned" - seems like once a woman decides she's not into me I get "twilight-zoned" - I don't even end up with a friend