common sense for those who are looking for a relationship

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I have worked on nearly all of those rules. Yet I still struggle.

What are your thoughts on people who think having a good/strong personality means never asking for advice or help, even if it's crucial to survival, and never needing emotional support? And that initially struggling at first, but self-improving, is not possible and that the self-improving is an attempt to intentionally deceive them?

If you absolutely need help, dont be afraid to ask for it. As for my own thoughts on what you have asked. Those people seriously need to look at life more objectively and really evaluate themselves. Having someone there to help support you as you fix yourself (IE: Friends/Family/"Good" Internet Friends) can actually help you pinpoint what actually need fixing. Yeah, I used to be one of those people so I know how it is, Its a never-ending viscious cycle that is hard to break unless you are willing to step outside your comfort zone.

As for point number 2. Its much more possible than improving without struggling at all. My response to those people is that they really need to grow a pair and step outside their comfort zones. A good example would have actually been myself as of a year and a half ago. I wouldn't even approach people that I dont even know, even at work, I would let coworkers deal with them. I ended up having quite a few issues because of the habit and just simply decided I needed to fix it. Well, after forcing myself outside of my comfort zone enough times (took a lot of times to do it to grow somewhat comfortable/confident in doing it) I can do it no problem now. Yeah I still don't like doing it, but I needed to get used to it.

As for those the self improving as an attempt to intentionally deceive them, would you please clarify the question a bit more? I am not sure if it is the person deceiving themselves as you meant it as, or if I am being viewed as deceiving you guys or what.

My God, effing sticky this.

yeah I know, great first post after my hiatus and swearing not to ever return to the L&D forums XD

well, other than pointing out the triple post, all I can really say is that you should look back on the experiences from an objective viewpoint and figure out WHY you get friend zoned. Oftentimes it can happen due to not making a move right away. Also I would take a look back on how the manipulative one acted, also how was she being manipulative? I am wondering because of the fact that I can perhaps point out why she was that way among other things.

Least of all though, if you are absolutely sure you want a relationship, don't just give up. You have to adapt, and figure out different angles from which you can attack the issue of finding one. I so should have added to the first post, learn to adapt :/

If that doesn't work out at least those who friend zoned you are still your friends hopefully. It can actually benefit you by having a friend of the opposite gender help point out what you can try.

Or maybe negotiate a threesome! WOOOOO!

Your hand is the best partner you will ever find.

You don't have to spend time with your hand.

Your hand can't get pregnant.

You can't get an STD from your hand.

Your hand doesn't bit¢h at you.

Your hand is ALWAYS in the mood.

Your hand doesn't have that time of month.

so damn true and I just can't stop laughing now

I tried spending some time apart from my hand, but it went green and stopped working.

Good advice. But the common sense automatically comes when the relation begins..

well the advice IS geared for those looking for a relationship. If I can motivate myself a bit, maybe I will make a secondary thread or just simply add a section for tips on how to maintain one.

Basically, she claims to make all decisions without ever asking for advice, and claims to never need emotional support. She thinks that all decisions must be made without any input or feedback from others, even if it turns out to be a bad decision. She says that she is capable of giving emotional support, but just doesn't want to. She expects a guy to give himself emotional support. And she thinks that any guy who doesn't do things exactly the same way she does is weak and has "damaged goods".

She thinks that doing these things that way constitutes a "strong" personality, and it can't be learned or improved upon. In other words, you have to be born that way, and any attempt to reach the level of independence that she claims to have, if you're not already born that way, is an attempt to intentionally deceive her. She thinks that in a relationship, there should be no burdens or inconveniences or uncertainty, and thinks relationships should be based on order and predictability.

She has obviously got issues herself IMO. There are a few options in my opinion but all I can really say is that you have to prove to her that she is actually the weak one. Do what you can to soften her up a bit. If she says not to help her, help her anyways. She seems the type that needs to have a guy who is willing to butt heads with her and stick through it.

I did talk to her about it, but she got defensive and insisted that she has no issues, and instead, made it look like I was the one with all the issues.

Reviving thread because it absolutely needs it and makes PLENTY of valid points, plus there has been a huge resurgence of the whine factor lately. So yeah have a field day XD



--- should still be stickied, just like Jonsi says XD