Why don't women like me?

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mv
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18 Jan 2011, 11:38 pm

Grisha wrote:

Also, there's another reason you should bathe - did you know that food trapped within your skin-folds can get terribly infected?

If bathing isn't an option, I understand that some people keep ferrets for this purpose.

Cute animals are chick-magnets!

Good luck

I just read about a baby who had seven of its fingers ripped off and eaten by the family's pet ferret. You don't want that sh** near your goodies...

Wombat
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18 Jan 2011, 11:43 pm

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

Why should I take a bath? Women need to learn to accept the fact that I'm a filthy pig.

Go to New Guinea and find one of those primitive tribes where people cover themselves in mud to keep the bugs off.
They admire fat people. It is seen as a mark of affluence.

You can buy yourself a teenage wife for several goats and a few chickens. Heck, you can probably afford several wives.
Then you just lie around in a hammock while the women do all the work.

You'll be a hit. Learn a few magic tricks and they will probably make you chief of the tribe.

John_Browning
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19 Jan 2011, 12:16 am

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

Listen, I'm really not that shallow. I care about a relationship as well. I'll even buy a girl roses and expensive chocolates before I ask her to sleep with me.

So your idea of a relationship is trying to charm a girl into bed? Is that all you have in mind?

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

And I'm not really going by looks that much. I just want someone who looks somewhat decent, like this:

You know, a 6 or a 7.

Dang you have high standards for a 6 or 7, considering for most people a 5 is someone who isn't ugly but you wouldn't give a double take either. You download a lot of porn, don't you?

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Grisha
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19 Jan 2011, 12:27 am

Wombat wrote:

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

Why should I take a bath? Women need to learn to accept the fact that I'm a filthy pig.

I think you've just solved the problem for about 90% of the guys here - we can all go home now...

LordoftheMonkeys
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19 Jan 2011, 12:31 am

John_Browning wrote:

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

Listen, I'm really not that shallow. I care about a relationship as well. I'll even buy a girl roses and expensive chocolates before I ask her to sleep with me.

So your idea of a relationship is trying to charm a girl into bed? Is that all you have in mind?

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

And I'm not really going by looks that much. I just want someone who looks somewhat decent, like this:

You know, a 6 or a 7.

Dang you have high standards for a 6 or 7, considering for most people a 5 is someone who isn't ugly but you wouldn't give a double take either. You download a lot of porn, don't you?

Sorry I couldn't find a bigger image but

In other words, you're clueless.

Come on, man. Everyone else has figured it out. Why can't you?

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Last edited by LordoftheMonkeys on 19 Jan 2011, 12:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

Kilroy
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19 Jan 2011, 12:35 am

this thread hurt my brain

LordoftheMonkeys
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19 Jan 2011, 12:38 am

Kilroy wrote:

this thread hurt my brain

Then I have achieved my goal.

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Last edited by LordoftheMonkeys on 19 Jan 2011, 12:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

Kilroy
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19 Jan 2011, 12:40 am

that was a horribly lazy comeback

Aspie1
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19 Jan 2011, 12:40 am

Lord of the Monkeys, it's quite common for aspie guys/men to be sexually frustrated. But you can't expect women to have sex with you without any effort on your part. Even escorts will not see clients who aren't clean. Streetwalkers may not care because they need the money, but they're way more trouble than it's worth. And if you're willing to put in effort to find a woman to have sex with you (which you are, since you're OK with buying roses and chocolates), you can start by showering. The water bill will probably cost less than a dozen roses and/or a box of chocolates, anyway. 'Cause if you don't clean yourself regularly, you'll turn into Lord of the Flies (sorry, don't want to be mean here, but that's a good way to illustrate my point).

If showering is still a problem for you, at least go to a swimming pool. You'll have a chlorine smell on you, but it's more tolerable than someone who hasn't washed in days.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 19 Jan 2011, 12:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

Kilroy
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19 Jan 2011, 12:42 am

ewww...I knew there was a good reason to hate public pools

LordoftheMonkeys
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19 Jan 2011, 12:46 am

Okay, I take it back. Kilroy and Aspie1 haven't figured out that this thread is satire either. But they're new, so I'll cut them some slack.

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Kilroy
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19 Jan 2011, 12:48 am

new? like new to the thread?
usually I don't tend to care, as most people here are serious, I am not gonna sift threw every thread and try and see if its a satire
I don't have the time

menintights
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19 Jan 2011, 2:13 am

In their defense, the OP isn't really well-done enough to be obviously satiric.

MrLoony
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19 Jan 2011, 2:35 am

menintights wrote:

In their defense, the OP isn't really well-done enough to be obviously satiric.

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

All I want is a decent, good-looking girlfriend (7/10 or higher) who isn't concerned with superficial things like looks.

ORLY?

Edit: Actually, sadly enough... Menintights is right. Even with that quote.

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hale_bopp
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19 Jan 2011, 3:50 am

LOL well done.

You just about had me for a second.

LordoftheMonkeys
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19 Jan 2011, 6:43 am

MrLoony wrote:

menintights wrote:

In their defense, the OP isn't really well-done enough to be obviously satiric.

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

All I want is a decent, good-looking girlfriend (7/10 or higher) who isn't concerned with superficial things like looks.

ORLY?

Edit: Actually, sadly enough... Menintights is right. Even with that quote.

I figured that line would be a dead giveaway. That and this line:

I wrote:

I don't even care about sex anymore. I just want a relationship. Why does prostitution have to be illegal?

But apparently not. Though I have seen both those pairs of contradictory attitudes expressed by other people, just not together like that.

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Last edited by LordoftheMonkeys on 19 Jan 2011, 6:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

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