02 Feb 2011, 5:24 pm
Zur-Darkstar wrote:
Most people here are gonna agree, myself included. This is our aspieness coming out. We like things to make logical rational sense, and most social rituals do not pass this "why are we doing this again" test that we aspies tend to always be asking. I never saw the point of the ritual at all. If two people love each other and commit to each other, why is the rest of it necessary. Why should anyone else but the two people in question be involved.
The answer lies within the things that we don't understand as aspies. I have never, and will never, understand intuitively what makes people want to be around other people, or like other people, or feel like they're a part of society. If I want to be around people, it's because I like who they are, not simply by default because they are there. If I want to be like someone, it's because I admire their character, not because I simply want to be "normal". If I want to be a part of a group, it's because I believe in the group and what it stands for, not because I just need to be in one.
Marriage is a social ritual. It signifies a change in a person's status within society. In ancient times, where women were regarded as property, it implied the man's legal claim and rights over the woman. As time passed, the legal status of women improved and the ritual lost most of it's legal significance (though it does retain some legal ramifications). Even so, people still feel a need to have a certain status change when they are in a long term relationship. Married people are treated somewhat differently by society than are couples who are just BF/GF. Most aspies don't care how we're seen by others until and unless it causes us some tangible difficulty in life. NTs do care, hence the ritual remains.
Rings are simply a symbol started by our ancestors. Their original meaning was symbolic to begin with, and now only remembered as historical trivia. Whatever meaning they have is, and always has been, subject to the whims of people who decide what that meaning is. At the moment, the notion of the importance of the ring as a symbol is perpetuated by the international diamond cartel (who aired the "a diamond is forever" commercials) and jewelry companies that make a great deal of money by exploiting this ancient symbol of love and commitment. The most tangible importance they have today would be that some women would enjoy showing off their expensive ring to their friends as a way of going "look how much my man loves me", etc. It's a bit petty to me, but w/e.
The answer lies within the things that we don't understand as aspies. I have never, and will never, understand intuitively what makes people want to be around other people, or like other people, or feel like they're a part of society. If I want to be around people, it's because I like who they are, not simply by default because they are there. If I want to be like someone, it's because I admire their character, not because I simply want to be "normal". If I want to be a part of a group, it's because I believe in the group and what it stands for, not because I just need to be in one.
Marriage is a social ritual. It signifies a change in a person's status within society. In ancient times, where women were regarded as property, it implied the man's legal claim and rights over the woman. As time passed, the legal status of women improved and the ritual lost most of it's legal significance (though it does retain some legal ramifications). Even so, people still feel a need to have a certain status change when they are in a long term relationship. Married people are treated somewhat differently by society than are couples who are just BF/GF. Most aspies don't care how we're seen by others until and unless it causes us some tangible difficulty in life. NTs do care, hence the ritual remains.
Rings are simply a symbol started by our ancestors. Their original meaning was symbolic to begin with, and now only remembered as historical trivia. Whatever meaning they have is, and always has been, subject to the whims of people who decide what that meaning is. At the moment, the notion of the importance of the ring as a symbol is perpetuated by the international diamond cartel (who aired the "a diamond is forever" commercials) and jewelry companies that make a great deal of money by exploiting this ancient symbol of love and commitment. The most tangible importance they have today would be that some women would enjoy showing off their expensive ring to their friends as a way of going "look how much my man loves me", etc. It's a bit petty to me, but w/e.
Correct and to the point. It took me years to understand the reasons for the displeasure caused by the way I got married. Fortunately, I didn't really care and still don't
.
As for the expensive ring showing how much a man loves you, my perception is that the intention is to actually show how much money the said man makes, which is of course a status symbol that has nothing to do with love whatsoever. That's pretty much what the jewellery companies are counting on, since other precious or semi-precious stones will last just as long while costing a lot less. I would have considered my husband a fool if he would have went into debt to spend thousands on a ring.
But I prefer sensible people and tend to see the need for status symbols as a sign of weakens or lack of character. A bit judgemental, I know
Dione
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 23 Jan 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 194
Location: A house in a galaxy far far away
02 Feb 2011, 6:46 pm
03 Feb 2011, 2:43 am
03 Feb 2011, 3:49 am
My wife bought both our rings a few days before the wedding, hers was about $120 mine was $75 - there actually is some gold in it apparently
Its so thin its bends out of shape and becomes a slight oval what with me using tools and things. But I like it, its my wedding ring from when I got married and I always wear it and don't want another one now.
I got her a nice engagement ring though, I spent a lot of time looking for one I really liked.
03 Feb 2011, 4:59 am
03 Feb 2011, 7:11 am
Steffy wrote:
I've never been the girl who looks forward to her wonderful, magnificent wedding. I just don't see the point.
1. Rings: I understand that rings are signs of your marriage. I just don't understand why they have to be expensive. I'm a simple person. I don't wear make-up or jewelry. I don't even wear nail polish (but that's mostly because I chew my nails). When I am proposed to, I don't want a fancy ring. I don't want diamonds. I don't even need a gem. I would be perfectly happy with just a plain, inexpensive ring.
2. Weddings: I hate the thought of a big wedding. What a waste of money. What a waste of time. Sure, wedding dresses are pretty. But you really only wear them once. Then they sit in your closet for the rest of your life. Personally, I want to be married in jeans and a tshirt. They are comfy and I am going to wear them again. As for the wedding itself, I want to be married in a courthouse, with my husband and a few witnesses. The thought of a regular wedding makes me shudder. I really dislike parties. I also dislike churches. Why would I spend my money on something that I wouldn't like? My mom told me that weddings aren't for the couple being married, they are for the people who come to your wedding. What?! That makes no sense. If I was forced to have a church wedding, I wouldn't show up.
I can't be the only one who thinks like this.
1. Rings: I understand that rings are signs of your marriage. I just don't understand why they have to be expensive. I'm a simple person. I don't wear make-up or jewelry. I don't even wear nail polish (but that's mostly because I chew my nails). When I am proposed to, I don't want a fancy ring. I don't want diamonds. I don't even need a gem. I would be perfectly happy with just a plain, inexpensive ring.
2. Weddings: I hate the thought of a big wedding. What a waste of money. What a waste of time. Sure, wedding dresses are pretty. But you really only wear them once. Then they sit in your closet for the rest of your life. Personally, I want to be married in jeans and a tshirt. They are comfy and I am going to wear them again. As for the wedding itself, I want to be married in a courthouse, with my husband and a few witnesses. The thought of a regular wedding makes me shudder. I really dislike parties. I also dislike churches. Why would I spend my money on something that I wouldn't like? My mom told me that weddings aren't for the couple being married, they are for the people who come to your wedding. What?! That makes no sense. If I was forced to have a church wedding, I wouldn't show up.
I can't be the only one who thinks like this.
People stage fancy weddings for the same reason they buy fancy big TVs though: to show off.
03 Feb 2011, 10:58 am
Sallamandrina wrote:
Zur-Darkstar wrote:
Most people here are gonna agree, myself included. This is our aspieness coming out. We like things to make logical rational sense, and most social rituals do not pass this "why are we doing this again" test that we aspies tend to always be asking. I never saw the point of the ritual at all. If two people love each other and commit to each other, why is the rest of it necessary. Why should anyone else but the two people in question be involved.
The answer lies within the things that we don't understand as aspies. I have never, and will never, understand intuitively what makes people want to be around other people, or like other people, or feel like they're a part of society. If I want to be around people, it's because I like who they are, not simply by default because they are there. If I want to be like someone, it's because I admire their character, not because I simply want to be "normal". If I want to be a part of a group, it's because I believe in the group and what it stands for, not because I just need to be in one.
Marriage is a social ritual. It signifies a change in a person's status within society. In ancient times, where women were regarded as property, it implied the man's legal claim and rights over the woman. As time passed, the legal status of women improved and the ritual lost most of it's legal significance (though it does retain some legal ramifications). Even so, people still feel a need to have a certain status change when they are in a long term relationship. Married people are treated somewhat differently by society than are couples who are just BF/GF. Most aspies don't care how we're seen by others until and unless it causes us some tangible difficulty in life. NTs do care, hence the ritual remains.
Rings are simply a symbol started by our ancestors. Their original meaning was symbolic to begin with, and now only remembered as historical trivia. Whatever meaning they have is, and always has been, subject to the whims of people who decide what that meaning is. At the moment, the notion of the importance of the ring as a symbol is perpetuated by the international diamond cartel (who aired the "a diamond is forever" commercials) and jewelry companies that make a great deal of money by exploiting this ancient symbol of love and commitment. The most tangible importance they have today would be that some women would enjoy showing off their expensive ring to their friends as a way of going "look how much my man loves me", etc. It's a bit petty to me, but w/e.
The answer lies within the things that we don't understand as aspies. I have never, and will never, understand intuitively what makes people want to be around other people, or like other people, or feel like they're a part of society. If I want to be around people, it's because I like who they are, not simply by default because they are there. If I want to be like someone, it's because I admire their character, not because I simply want to be "normal". If I want to be a part of a group, it's because I believe in the group and what it stands for, not because I just need to be in one.
Marriage is a social ritual. It signifies a change in a person's status within society. In ancient times, where women were regarded as property, it implied the man's legal claim and rights over the woman. As time passed, the legal status of women improved and the ritual lost most of it's legal significance (though it does retain some legal ramifications). Even so, people still feel a need to have a certain status change when they are in a long term relationship. Married people are treated somewhat differently by society than are couples who are just BF/GF. Most aspies don't care how we're seen by others until and unless it causes us some tangible difficulty in life. NTs do care, hence the ritual remains.
Rings are simply a symbol started by our ancestors. Their original meaning was symbolic to begin with, and now only remembered as historical trivia. Whatever meaning they have is, and always has been, subject to the whims of people who decide what that meaning is. At the moment, the notion of the importance of the ring as a symbol is perpetuated by the international diamond cartel (who aired the "a diamond is forever" commercials) and jewelry companies that make a great deal of money by exploiting this ancient symbol of love and commitment. The most tangible importance they have today would be that some women would enjoy showing off their expensive ring to their friends as a way of going "look how much my man loves me", etc. It's a bit petty to me, but w/e.
Correct and to the point. It took me years to understand the reasons for the displeasure caused by the way I got married. Fortunately, I didn't really care and still don't
.As for the expensive ring showing how much a man loves you, my perception is that the intention is to actually show how much money the said man makes, which is of course a status symbol that has nothing to do with love whatsoever. That's pretty much what the jewellery companies are counting on, since other precious or semi-precious stones will last just as long while costing a lot less. I would have considered my husband a fool if he would have went into debt to spend thousands on a ring.
But I prefer sensible people and tend to see the need for status symbols as a sign of weakens or lack of character. A bit judgemental, I know
Indeed. I do the same. I regard the valuing of socioeconomic status symbols, like expensive cars, jewelry, etc. to be somewhat vain, shallow, and generally irrational. On the other hand, they're spending too much money on something that has status, and it makes things that lack the attached status cheaper, a fact I regularly take advantage of. I personally would be very turned off if a girl I was dating wanted an expensive ring for that reason.
I didn't participate in either my HS or college graduation, for the reason that it had nothing to do with anything in my mind. I already did all the actual work, why sit in a hot gymnasium for two hours listening to boring speeches and hearing some dude call out names. If I do meet someone I want to make a lifetime commitment too, a social ritual that makes no sense to me seems a small concession if it means a lot to the person I care about. I did attend my brother's college graduation. I'd resist a big drawn out wedding, but ultimately I'd probably let her have her way on the matter given that (hopefully) this is the only one she'll ever have.
03 Feb 2011, 11:14 am
Dione
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 23 Jan 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 194
Location: A house in a galaxy far far away
03 Feb 2011, 11:55 am
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04 Feb 2011, 6:00 pm
Microwench
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 24 Jan 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 60
Location: Olathe, KS
15 Feb 2011, 2:15 pm
