Why don't I like anyone?

Post Reply New Topic

Grisha wrote:

I can relate to this so much. I can have my infatuations but the moment someone responds my overriding emotion is blind panic. It's visceral, there's no rational thought to it. Once the rationalization kicks in I think of all the reasons the person wouldn't be right for me anyway. I don't know how to overcome that.

I totally relate. I'd love to meet the special one and I dont think I am looking for perfection but no sparks have occured for me for about 15 years now, not that I am not interested! I have stopped looking because it seems so hard. One day I hope to meet that person and it will all click into place.

Greg,

First and foremost, Happy Valentine's Day!

Although I have never met you in person, I feel as though I do know you based upon the candor and utter consistency of attitudes you demonstrate in your forum posts. As I have been a Certified Internal Auditor for years, I am technically competent and adept at ferreting out trends and patterns. You are continuously consistent in your forum posts relative to your attitudes and resultant decorum relative to dating and the pursuit of romantic love.

Your goal of wanting to hold out for someone who DAZZLES you is valid. Moreover, I firmly contend that the likelihood of your finding it is HIGH. I don't think you want anymore out of a viable romantic match then what you bring to the table yourself.

A strong passionate romantic partnerhsip/relationship is akin to the Hope Diamond - it is RARE and absolutely SUPERB!

Tenacity is the key here! Keep On, Keeping On!

Hugs,
Leslie

Grisha -

I went on probably 50 dates after my divorce. About 10 of those guys I gave a second date chance to (because they were smart), and even then I felt nothing. I know what you mean: they're pleasant, they're fine, whatever, but I felt nothing. I think chemistry is just that rare, and I think we just have an extra hard time of it.

i do not like anyone because i could not be bothered to think about them.

my own mental reality takes up all my mind, and other people are just like moving objects that rarely have ingress into my attention.

i do not dislike anyone, but i do not know anyone well enough to like except tammy and mark and peter and sonia and melinda.

they seemed to latch on to me and i like them now, but i never got a friend that i made by myself.
all the friends i ever had are people who i did not choose who moved into my life's space and stayed with me over the years.

i never approached anyone who i did not know in my life to try to be their friend.

i am complete when i am alone, and i do not crave companionship.

there is no one living in my world but me, and other people live elsewhere than in me, so i find it tiring to restrict my own immediate experience in order to accommodate another person's social expectations.

i am sadly stripped of most of the hardware that allows me to see anything on the social plane.

after i die i will not be like this i am sure.

I did online dating a lot before I met my fiance, and had many of the same feelings as you. I would meet perfectly acceptable people only to find myself inching away from them and slowly cutting them off and I had no reason why. The idea of being in a committed relationship and having to see somehow every so often a week and being intimate with them very much scared me, which is why I think I shied away. Then I met my fiance and I had totally different feelings, I always wanted to be with him and felt such a strong attachment to him. He was never the type of guy I expected to end up with either, but we connected so well.

All in all, I think it just takes finding the right person. Finding someone who you have good chemistry with can be a lot harder than it seems. I would take your difficulties in the dating world as not having found someone who you connected with yet, I woudln't let it bother you too much.

That's probably what I'm struggling with.

In other areas of my life, I have simply set my mind to a task and kept at it until I succeeded - I just have absolutely no faith whatsoever in "dumb luck".

Guess it's time to get a cat...

I just think it's cool that you get to go on 10 dates or so a year. I only manage about 1 "date" every 2 or 3 years.

If you worked OK Cupid as hard as I have over the last few months I'm sure you'd get similar results. IRL I'd be lucky to get 1-2 a year, if that...

Oh no, a cat.

Grisha - welcome to my world.

The bunk thing about OKCupid, there were all of maybe five to ten girls offered who sparked my interest enough to contact them. No responses. Not exactly sure where to go from there aside from other places and perhaps just wait a while till OK repopulates to try it again.

Well, it's either that or a tarantula...

A terrarium will solve that problem. Cats...shudder.

Henry Rollins is turning 50. You going?

I relate to this so much! I've recently been on a couple dates with this guy I've liked for a little while, and he's really awesome, but I'm not sure if I'll ever be the ideal type for a relationship because I'm so much of a loner. Most girls I know are like "well, you'll know you've found the right one if you want to be around him all the time," but I don't think that will ever be the case for me. I certainly haven't ever met a single person - friend, family member, or otherwise - yet that I could actually happily spend days on end with without craving my independence and my own time to think. I don't want to hurt anyone in a relationship because I don't want to be around them all the time, but at the same point, I've been denying myself even a chance at love for much too long out of fear of hurting others and that's not fair to me.

I'm conflicted.

I simply don't have the heart to put one in a terrarium, every time I see one I think about it, but then they give me thoses 8 "puppy dog" eyes and I let it remain free.

Yes! I managed to get tickets for Thursday - all the other nights were already sold out. My life would be directionless without HR...

What is it that you are expecting to 'feel'? First identify and consider your expectations. Do not reply on your own deceptive biochemistry, it is better to associate with the potential's ambitions, plans and interests.