I don't know what's going on- need advice!

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I agree completely.

Also, having other guys to focus on will help keep you from deluding yourself that this guy is your "boyfriend"... which he has clearly told you he is not.

Are you joking? If you meant it seriously, it is a terrible thing to say. Some girls do use that manipulative technique, but it is rather unethical. It also has a high chance of ultimately leading to unhappiness. And as The_Danish said, it would be unfair to the baby, and to him and her.

Although when I am a squillionaire, I will not care if girls try to manipulate me in that manner. They will be unsuccessful in roping me in. I will refuse to marry her and instead just pay the monthly child support maintenance fee to her (as mandated by law for separated parents), and not care about it because it is only a tiny insignificant fraction of my ginormous income. Hell, I could have 10 girls pull that stunt on me, and I still would not notice any significant drop in my income. I must say, I am growing fond of the idea of spreading my genes and having progeny all over the place that I pay the mother to raise without me.

So basically, if a girl tries to unethically manipulate me like that, it will only result in me getting what I wanted. I might even pretend to fall victim to her, pretending to be roped in, until after it is too late to get an abortion, and then she will be forced to deal with the fruit of her unethical behavior by herself for the next 18 years, meanwhile I chalk up +1 on my scoreboard of progeny. Evil laughs!

If YOU'RE not wearing a condom, just assume YOU'RE making a baby (regardless of her motivation).
And btw, it takes more than money to turn a baby into a human being.

Even if you are wearing a condom, some girls will still find a way to become pregnant and attempt an unethical roping in, if that is what they want. Quickly off the top of my head, here are a few ways:

(1) Retrieve the discarded condom from the bin, salvage sperm, manually insert it.

(2) Sabotage the condom, for example pricking tiny holes into it using a needle, or walk around with a condom in your shoe for a week so that it loses strength and then breaks during sex at the worst/best possible time of the month.

(3) You get pregnant to someone else, but claim the father is the one you want to marry you. He is unlikely to ask for a DNA test, and even if he does, just throw a hissy fit about him not trusting you and he will back off.


You saying that does not really make any sense in this context because I never said or implied that only money is required to turn a baby into a human being.

In fact I implied the opposite. I implied that a mother is needed. And as for a father for the baby, if the mother is the kind to get pregnant for the purpose of roping a guy in, then she is also the kind who will find some sucker nice guy to support her and her baby. If she is quick, she may claim that her pregnancy is with the new guy (claiming she must have become pregnant very soon after they met, attempting to cover the fact that she was already pregnant before they met).

If she does not find a new guy quickly enough, then she will acknowledge that the pregnancy or baby is from a previous guy, but she will find a guy who will support her anyway, and then she will probably have a baby to the new guy as well. So her and the new sucker guy end up raising the kid she had from me, plus the kid she has with the new guy. So the baby will not being going fatherless.

Or were you trying to say that a baby raised in the circumstances described in my previous message would receive an inferior upbringing versus a kid raised with my personal involvement? That is true, but the baby would still receive an average upbringing. Furthermore, it is just simply impossible for me to be personally substantially involved in the raising of all 30 progeny

If a woman makes a MUTUAL planned agreement with me to have kids (the only respectable way to have kids), then I will put in my best effort to raise the kids well, with my personal involvement. However, for any kids that are the result of a girl trying to unethically manipulate me, I will just pay the maintenance money and she can deal with the raising of them by herself or with whatever sucker she finds to support her!

Perhaps I should make my opinion clearer -
Don't have sex unless you are prepared for the responsibilities of fatherhood, including supporting your child financially AND maintaining a positive relationship with the child and the mom.
If your goal is not to become a father, but you still want to have sex and not have a vasectomy, then provide your own condom, and keep it in your custody until you're ready to use it.
Also, I would hope that you could determine whether or not a woman is worthy of your trust if you're considering having regular sex with her. (I understand that one-night stands sometimes happen - see
"condoms" above.)

n/a

Last edited by Pappy on 21 Jul 2006, 9:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

She's not asking your opinion about her choice or how birth control works so give it a rest.

Do you want to know the truth? This is very hard to take but when someone tells you they do not want a relationship right now it usually means they do not want one with you. I have been on the receiving end of this sentence and it hurts like hell.

Give him space and see what he does, I could be wrong. I would also recommend seeing other people casually and see how both of you feel about that. If he encourages you then you know how he really feels. If he chooses not to form a relationship with you then you should take some time to heal. The more friends you have to keep you busy the better.

This is going to sound very negative, I am sorry, but an abortion almost always seperates a couple. Its an event that most people do not put behind themselves easily, they also keep it secret from almost everyone. You're a reminder to each other of what happened and it is very difficult to move forward. It also will destroy his desire to have sex with you and any one else for a long while. He will probalbly need a lot of time focusing on his work to put it past him.

I am sorry.