how would you find out info that's kinda touchy (i think)

Post Reply New Topic

It sounds like he feels like he has lured you to this new town and feels guilty because he does not want a relationship with you. Tell him the truth - you did not go there because of him, but you do like seeing him.

You may have to realise that you probably aren't going to get a relationship.

OP, you don't seem to be acknowledging what this guy is saying....and I think that's going to come back to bite you. He seems to have told you plainly that he doesn't want what you want in terms of a relationship. I know that's disappointing, but it seems to be the truth. You might want to start exploring other possibilities.

That's where the misunderstanding is. I don't know what he thinks he didn't give me or how I'm stopping him from going in his own direction. Since that's the only problem, I'm not sure how to make it clear that he's given me everything and more and that, at one point in our old relationship, I did think of him being worth moving for. Little did I know that I'd actually end up here 8| ! And soon, there's nothing tethering me here anyway.

Okay, if you believe there is a misunderstanding, here's my suggestion: talk to him in the not-too-distant-future about what's going on between you two. If he does better communicating in writing (or having questions submitted in advance so he can think about the topic for a while before responding), don't insist on having an actual "talk" - ask him if he'd like an email instead. Tell him you want a romantic relationship with him, and then tell him what that means to you. Ask him what a romantic relationship means to him. Tell him you two can work out the details of the relationship together - if he's interested. Relationships don't have to be all-or-nothing; they don't have to conform to rigid stereotypes; they should be a partnership. Clearly, you don't have a common understanding of what you both want from a relationship, so that's where you need to start. And then listen to what he tells you. It could be that he's a great guy, but if you can't find common ground in terms of your needs/desires, it's not going to work. Be honest about what you need and be prepared to live into those needs - he'll expect you to do that. Just remember that language can actually be quite a challenge when NTs and Aspies get together....literal definitions, nuanced language, figures of speech.....they can become little bombs waiting to explode. Good luck.

sounds like a plan with the writing and letting him think. He always says he'd rather do things in person or on the phone. But in person, he never brings anything up and he admits to being awful on the phone. Seems like it's simply just my job to throw it all out there and see what comes back. Kind of an all or nothing situation....scary but worth it I suppose.