Is this true?

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Not true here. I divorced. It was very easy to move on. Of course, the incessant cheating pretty much killed all the feelings by that point.

I'm so f*cking sick of the whiny b!tchfest about male Aspies having it worse.



It involves stereotyping not only men and women, but all people with Aspergers.

Last edited by Bethie on 05 Mar 2011, 6:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

But, Bethie, we are women so having AS matters less because nobody cares about our personality, work performance, or life goals. It's not like we're men, who have to be big, tough and strong and really make a difference in the world.

*returns to darning socks*

Oh, right! All of us are pretty, pretty princesses with men falling at our feet.
~dismisses a knight with an impatient flick of her hand~

you two crack me up.

There are some truths and there are some tragic misconceptions.




We don't actually have any hard statistics on this. Most men with AS would probably assume this is the case, and it's not an entirely unreasonable assumption, but we may not hear from men with AS who are happily married all too often because...they are happily married. We do, however hear from a lot of women who think they are married to men with AS...they may or may not be, and we hear from a lot of women with AS who are married. So we know that some men with AS and women with AS get married, and we know some men with AS and some women with AS have trouble with this aspects, but we can't really conclude much else as far as statistics go. We really don't even know the percentage of adults, men and women both, who actually have AS, and world wide, most people get married because their culture strongly dictates that they do, or the marriages are arranged.



True, AS is not just another form of being shy.



Partially true. I don't think AS always entails that someone is shy. Shy implies a fear or anxiety over approaching or conversing with others, and not everyone with AS experiences this. Some people with AS are outgoing but have trouble processing the situation and reading others, or something along those lines.



True.



Partially true. He says he doesn't think women with AS have it easier, but says, with respect to the dating world, that men with AS are at a bigger disadvantage, implying, with respect to dating, he thinks women have it easier, and as a women with AS, this not only isn't true, but is part of his problem.

He seems to think that all women have to do is sit there and look pretty and they will get approached by a man, but most women, whether they have AS or not, don't just randomly get approached by men all the time.

One also has to take into account what one believes the point of dating is. Men on here seem more likely to equate dating with sex and social status. In other words, they seem to think "If I have a girlfriend, I can get sex, and show I am not so horribly socially flawed," But when they think of a girlfriend, they probably do have standards they expect in this girl, whether they realize it or not, and many, but not all, fail to consider the higher level social dynamics of the relationship, which is all the stuff that comes after the initial approach. Let me put you all in the situation of having to consider it. After you approach a girl, and she says yes, THEN WHAT? The failure to consider the "then what" is usually what results in divorce.

Whether or not someone can get a girlfriend or boyfriend or sex is irrelevant if they want more than sex from the relationship, and women generally want more than sex from a relationship.

In fact, while a man's top priority in getting a girlfriend might be sex, a woman's top priority is a deep emotional connection which requires a level of attraction and compatibility that is even hard for NT's to come by.

How easy do you think that is for a woman with AS? About 100 times harder than going up to someone, smiling and saying "Hi" in some form or another.

While women aren't tasked with making the first move in a relationship, they are tasked with most of the upkeep, which also requires an emotional IQ and ability to read people that women with AS usually just don't have.

And honestly, most of you fail to consider that most NT men just aren't as desperate as many of the men on here. NT men have standards and have no qualms about rejecting women who don't meet them, even for sex. Which brings us to another point, most people with AS have some degree of hypersensitivity and sex for women is by no means the same thing as sex for men. Sex for women is an invasive procedure which can be painful, cause tearing of tissue, bleeding, and women are at greater risk from infections.

This probably deters a lot of women with AS from wanting to have relationships. Their goal is not sex, it's the deeper aspects of it, which they perceive as an impossibility without giving the guy sex.

So with respect to what a man wants in a relationship, and a woman wants in a relationship, and the particular responsibilities of each, I don't think there is any validity to the claim that women (with AS) have it easier.



True, same for women with AS.



A married man with AS probably wouldn't be at that support group because he's married and at home with his wife. Likely, a woman with AS probably wouldn't be at that support group as well because she was mis-diagnosed with bi-polar disorder or depression, and doesn't really want to be set upon by 78 men who simultaneously are spiteful of her for not having sex with them, and their perception that she has it so much easier.

She's probably at home....in her bedroom at her parents house, arranging her stuffed animals according to color or fixing the microwave or something.

From some of those details I think I've seen that guy's web site (or something ) before. I'm blanking out on the name, though (Hubert something?). The point being, I remember he seemed a bit fixated on that topic (though, I think I can see how that could happen), and seemed to have very dark views that were driven by a lot of intense depression and self-loathing (unfortunately, I can also understand how that could happen).

I don't think the stats are totally off, but like techstepgenr8tion said there's no way to know which side of the stats you're going to end up on, anyway. I think the author is a bit of a "zealot," in a manner of speaking.

Apparently if women expresses any kind of emotional instability in relationships there screwed

Men are, too.

I think everyone's afraid of someone turning into the stalker person. Men have visions of Fatal Attraction with pet rabbits getting boiled. Women just don't want to get killed by a crazy man. It's a valid concern in this day and age, but it's hard for peaceful people like us who have a fairly normal amount of insecurity and uncertainty based on misunderstanding and anxiety.

Dude! I have a broken microwave, which basically means I'm starving.
How much Aspie juice do I apply to it?

The correct answer to this question is "yes".