Asking an Aspie guy out

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So tell us! Have you asked him out yet? What happened?

Oww I'm so sorry! I would eventually edit this later though but I would let you guys know

I did tried last week actually, and It was pretty hard. I went up to him and asked him personally if he wanted to go out with me one day and he smiled and said 'Yeah sure I would think about it.' in a very nice way and then I had to leave him because he had classes.

I later realized that I was so nervous I totally forgot to give him my phone number.

The next day we saw each other he waved at me but I didn't react in time, partially because I was too busy looking at the floor because I felt a bit shy and embarrassed, and when I looked up I didn't have time to say hi back to him... on a happy note, its the first time I have seen him waving at me, usually he would just smile and not say anything at all, not only to me but to other people as well, if someone doesn't greet him first he just keeps walking without saying anything.

I felt bad because I thought that probably, he would think that I was playing when I said that because it seemed as if I ignored him. The next day we met I looked for him and when he looked at me he smiled as if saying Hi and tried to pass by when I stopped him and gave him my number, I saw how he put it on his pocket and smiled and he was ready to leave me again but before he could go I gave him a drawing that I made that was related with his interest and he seemed to liked it a lot ... I had never seen him like that before, he seemed really happy and he complemented me and thanked me for it. I thought that was a good way to let him know that I was actually being serious, he should know by now that I like him right? I don't know exactly how clear do I have to be since I feel like I have been pretty clear already. Here someone told me that flirting wouldn't work with an Aspie, that I had to be straight forward first so they would understand that I am flirting, I told him that I like him a long time ago, probably around three or two months ago and now I tried asking him out, I gave him my number and I wonder if I it is still not clear enough or if I could be any clearer than that?... because I don't think I receive any kind of response and I don't have an idea if he realizes it.

I didn't expect him to call me when I gave him my number, I was just thinking maybe if he has the answer or at least a bit of interest he would just text me which would be easier for the two of us but he never did. I don't have his number, I thought that if he wanted to communicate with me he could do it it he wanted to, we see each other at college, we had each other added on facebook and he has my number so it is up to him.

Today is Friday and nothing had happened. I decided to give him time because I don't want to either put any pressure into him or cause him stress or anxiety or having him worried about hurting my feelings or not understanding them and I don't want to be a creep or a stalker... He might not be interested at all and if that is the case I would understand, if he never gives me a straight answer, if he doesn't say anything at all or if things never change... I made up my mind to go through all that since the moment I first told him that I liked him, so I am not hurt, in fact I am really happy because he turned out to be a nicer person than I imagined and because I had the chance to talk with him and make him smile, I wish that at least instead of taking it as a troublesome situation he takes it as a compliment.

I really really like him and I don't regret anything I have done.


Thanks!

Last edited by TheSwan on 16 Apr 2011, 10:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

Give yourself a pat on the back for asking him out.

I'd say hang around with him...and get to know him better...hopefully he gets to know you to and he'll realise that you like him.

Exactly. My first real date was when I ran into a female friend from high school years after graduation and she called me up later and suggested we go to dinner. Despite everyone around me telling me it was a date I assumed we were just two friends from high school reuniting and catching up until I directly asked her if it was a date. Turns out she'd been crushing on me since we first met and I'd been oblivious (me crushing on her sister probably didn't help with my obliviousness but I'm pretty sure AS played a major factor as well).

Or in my case often awkwardly mimicked from movies and TV shows.

That may be an issue. In middle school/high school sometimes girls would pretend to be interested in me (I know they were pretending because I would later overhear them talking about it) and that colored my impression of any one expressing interest for a while.



You told him you "like" him. He may be interpreting that as friendly "like" not romantic "like" and your suggestion that you would like to go out to eat sometime as an invitation to a friendly meal sometime in the future. As for not calling you, sometimes phone use can be an issue. Some people with AS have auditory processing issues that make it difficult for them to understand people over the phone. I don't like the phone much because it removes what little body language I can read and while I can understand what people are saying it's even harder for me to read tone of voice over the phone than in person. Also I worry that if I call I may interrupt something important. Instead of a vague we should have lunch sometime next time you talk to him try saying something like "Would you like to have lunch with me tomorrow/Saturday/(specific day next week)?" Also be explicit about it being a date not just a lunch between friends.

When we first met, (before we were dating....My boyfriend messaged me to inform me that a band we both like was playing....I asked him whether he was "letting me know" or somehow suggesting that we both go...he said he was "unsure".....as was he unsure when I asked him whether or not he was asking me within the context of a "date"..or just my new friend who I hardly knew....(that was our first date...i think)

Yeah, you are totally right I have thought of every single thing you mentioned. He might have misunderstood my "like" and he might have thought that my invitation was just "friendly". And well, I can't blame him if he doesn't call me, I knew that it can be hard for Aspies to talk over the phone and I didn't expect a call from the beginning but I hoped for a text message which never came but I can blame him, I never told him that I was waiting for a real answer or that he should text me when I gave him my number...

I am thinking that maybe by the end of the next week I should go and try to clarify things but I would wait a couple of days... Poor guy, I feel bad because I feel like I am stressing him or confusing him and I am scared that he might think that I insist too much or that I am too weird or a nuisance or a stressful person... I feel like I am putting pressure into him.

Would any of you be bothered by a stubborn person? Some of you would probably feel the need of space and I am afraid to make moves or asks questions because I don't want to invade his space and corrupt his peace. I wonder if giving him time would be the best or try to talk to him directly, explain things and try a way to be more explicit as Redwulf said.

Thank you for reading! I really appreciate it!

Chances are if you're annoying him he will let you know in no uncertain terms. Tact is not generally a strong point for Aspies. Failing that he would probably start actively avoiding you not waving like you said he's doing.

I have little difficulty with using telephones, but a strong aversion to it. I much prefer to email people at work. A big help for me is to answer a call with my name and department, because I tend to blank and it gives me a script! Bizarrely, my colleagues have complimented me on my wonderful telephone manner, which goes to show that I've clearly worked at it! Ah, they have no idea about my AS. Even with a self-confessed Aspie in the team as a comparison...

Conversation generally, I do struggle with (particularly when tired). I don't always realise people are speaking to me for a few seconds, so I miss the beginning of sentences - it helps if they start with my name, which is always an attention grabber. I can also mishear words and phrases, because they get garbled on the way to my brain. I've confused people before by questioning what I heard as utter nonsense ("what are you talking about? I never said anything about lamp posts!") and they don't remember exactly what they said, which would help me pin it down.



Perhaps you missed out some particular information - you suggested going out, but not when. He's probably waiting for you to say! He's not likely to take the initiative here - it's very unlikely he'll telephone you because, as Redwulf says, it would seem an imposition. Hell, I still feel like that now and I should really know better! Thank heavens for text messaging...

You won't stress him out if you give him time to digest everything. But if you're going to date an aspie, be aware that you'll need to make a lot of the decisions. Be sure to clarify the details - find out what he likes to eat (we can be notoriously fussy), when is a good time (will it clash with his favourite TV programme?) and clarify any details about dress codes and suchlike well in advance.

Don't expect romance. Focus on a fun night out, and leave this tricky subject for a later date, probably the third. We often have issues with being touched, especially when not expected, so take it slowly with hand holding and very slowly with kissing. If you get that far, you'll figure out a way to go further!

I hope all this doesn't put you off! Aspies are hard work but we're very loyal.



No problem!