My experience with abusive relationships
27 Aug 2017, 11:45 am
AngelRho wrote:
300series wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
:evil:
You should have gone to the zoo. When things take a sudden turn for the better and someone asks you out for the day like that, it means they are trying to break up with you on good terms. You didn't leave her that option. I'd be pissed, too.
Though to be fair, she could have just worked with you to find a better day. If I need to leave my lover, I make a point to be flexible.
300series wrote:
I had an abusive relationship a few years ago, but it was not like the original poster's experience.
I met my abusive ex-girlfriend 3 years ago at a social meeting on my 29th birthday, and after we introduced ourselves, we exchanged our telephone numbers & E mail addresses. She seemed like a very nice young lady when we first met, and we had a great time together during the first year of our relationship. We used to go to the mall, have lunch together, see movies together, and go to all of the department stores in the mall. She introduced me to her family, and I introduced her to my family, and we all seemed to like each other. We even went to the annual Summer fair together, and we also went to a San Diego Padres baseball game together. Every day, we always talked on the telephone, and I would always E mail her every night before I went to sleep. That year, she came over to my apartment for Thanksgiving dinner, and I went to her house for Christmas. Things were going great, and I was really happy. I even deleted my profiles on the online dating services I was using.
The next year, 2015, our relationship began to decline, and it just continued to get worse & worse until it ended.
In February, 2015, my work schedule changed, and I could not go with her to the social functions or see her as often as I used to see her, which made her angry.
On my 30th birthday, my grandfather bought me a new condominium as a gift. I invited my girlfriend out to dinner to celebrate my 30th birthday, and I told her the news that I was moving. She wanted to move in with me & marry me. My Dad knew that I never wanted to get married, and he & I were both uncomfortable with someone living with me. He contacted her father & told him what she said at dinner. Her father did not want her moving in with me either, and he confronted her about it & said that she could not move. She took it very hard. It was also during this time when my affection for her started to decline.
I could not actually move until 6 months later because of legal issues regarding the sale of the property, so I stayed in my apartment in the meantime. I started to get extremely depressed about not moving & suffering in this abusive relationship to the point that my antidepressant medication stopped working. I could not eat, sleep, or even stand up straight. I started crying all the time, and I could not feel pleasure; everything in my life was going wrong. I went to my doctor & was put on many new medications, and they made me feel even worse than before, so I went back to my old antidepressant.
When I finally moved in to my new place, I was not any happier. My girlfriend was constantly calling me, and she always cried whenever I missed her call. She was also angry with my Dad, and she would get mad at me whenever I spent time with him. She even threatened to leave me if I ever spoke to him again.
I saw her for the last time on Halloween night 2015; we went to the mall to see a movie. She seemed nicer to me, and I thought things may improve between us. I was wrong; however, because the next day, she demanded that I take her to the San Diego Zoo, but I had already made plans with my Dad. She called me constantly that day, and I refused to take her calls because she made me cry badly that day.
Five days later, she called me & said she did not want to see me any more, and we broke up. She told her father that I sexually abused her, and he E mailed my Dad about it. This was false, and I think she just said it to get me in trouble.
Even over a year after the relationship ended, I was still very depressed. It has only been about six months that I fully recovered & started to feel better. I am finally happy again & back to my old self again. I would still like to meet a woman, but I am even more selective & cautious about who I will date.
It was the worst experience of my life!
I met my abusive ex-girlfriend 3 years ago at a social meeting on my 29th birthday, and after we introduced ourselves, we exchanged our telephone numbers & E mail addresses. She seemed like a very nice young lady when we first met, and we had a great time together during the first year of our relationship. We used to go to the mall, have lunch together, see movies together, and go to all of the department stores in the mall. She introduced me to her family, and I introduced her to my family, and we all seemed to like each other. We even went to the annual Summer fair together, and we also went to a San Diego Padres baseball game together. Every day, we always talked on the telephone, and I would always E mail her every night before I went to sleep. That year, she came over to my apartment for Thanksgiving dinner, and I went to her house for Christmas. Things were going great, and I was really happy. I even deleted my profiles on the online dating services I was using.
The next year, 2015, our relationship began to decline, and it just continued to get worse & worse until it ended.
In February, 2015, my work schedule changed, and I could not go with her to the social functions or see her as often as I used to see her, which made her angry.
On my 30th birthday, my grandfather bought me a new condominium as a gift. I invited my girlfriend out to dinner to celebrate my 30th birthday, and I told her the news that I was moving. She wanted to move in with me & marry me. My Dad knew that I never wanted to get married, and he & I were both uncomfortable with someone living with me. He contacted her father & told him what she said at dinner. Her father did not want her moving in with me either, and he confronted her about it & said that she could not move. She took it very hard. It was also during this time when my affection for her started to decline.
I could not actually move until 6 months later because of legal issues regarding the sale of the property, so I stayed in my apartment in the meantime. I started to get extremely depressed about not moving & suffering in this abusive relationship to the point that my antidepressant medication stopped working. I could not eat, sleep, or even stand up straight. I started crying all the time, and I could not feel pleasure; everything in my life was going wrong. I went to my doctor & was put on many new medications, and they made me feel even worse than before, so I went back to my old antidepressant.
When I finally moved in to my new place, I was not any happier. My girlfriend was constantly calling me, and she always cried whenever I missed her call. She was also angry with my Dad, and she would get mad at me whenever I spent time with him. She even threatened to leave me if I ever spoke to him again.
I saw her for the last time on Halloween night 2015; we went to the mall to see a movie. She seemed nicer to me, and I thought things may improve between us. I was wrong; however, because the next day, she demanded that I take her to the San Diego Zoo, but I had already made plans with my Dad. She called me constantly that day, and I refused to take her calls because she made me cry badly that day.
Five days later, she called me & said she did not want to see me any more, and we broke up. She told her father that I sexually abused her, and he E mailed my Dad about it. This was false, and I think she just said it to get me in trouble.
Even over a year after the relationship ended, I was still very depressed. It has only been about six months that I fully recovered & started to feel better. I am finally happy again & back to my old self again. I would still like to meet a woman, but I am even more selective & cautious about who I will date.
It was the worst experience of my life!
You should have gone to the zoo. When things take a sudden turn for the better and someone asks you out for the day like that, it means they are trying to break up with you on good terms. You didn't leave her that option. I'd be pissed, too.
Though to be fair, she could have just worked with you to find a better day. If I need to leave my lover, I make a point to be flexible.
WHOEVER YOU ARE, "ANGELRHO", IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY, THEN SAY NOTHING AT ALL!
YOUR OBNOXIOUS COMMENT IS NOT HELPFUL AT ALL!
I'm dead serious. If you ever read my posts when the break up topic comes up, that's almost word-for-word what I tell people to do. Go to the zoo, park, or somewhere meaningful, like maybe where you went on your first date, or where ever you where when you became "official." First kiss, whatever. Set aside an entire day. Make it super nice. At some point in the early to mid afternoon, you find a place to sit down. Keep the usual chit-chat going, then drop the bomb. Just like that. Be prepared for whatever happens next, but stay calm and keep your whits. There might be tears, there might be screaming. But you try to end things on good terms if at all possible. Whatever happens, it's definitely over and done by sunset. You make a day of it because you don't know what's going to happen. You don't just dump someone and run. You see it through all the way to the end.
I tell everyone that. Good grief, it's like this girl was reading my playbook.
I'm not saying how she treated you was right, though. It looks to me like trying to leave you gracefully was the only good thing she had going for her. Decent people wouldn't lose patience like that. She should have worked things out first, figured out when YOU were free/didn't have plans, and scheduled a breakup date accordingly. She tried to be nice toward the end, which is good. But heinous people never can keep that act up for long.
At any rate, congrats on getting away from an abusive person.
AngelRho:
While I thank you for your explanation, I am a sensitive & private person, and what you posted yesterday was very hurtful & offensive to me, and I feel that I must defend myself:
I have never heard of you or read any of your posts, so I know nothing about you. You do not know me or anything about me either. You have to know me well & know the entire story of this relationship to fully understand & be compassionate toward me & what I went thru. What I posted on here was only a concise synopsis & timeline of the relationship & its principle elements. The entire story is VERY long & complicated, and it is known only to me & the few other people in my life that I am closest to. It would take several hours or days to write or tell the entire story. While you are older & more experienced with relationships than me, the fact remains that every one is different & goes thru different situations & circumstances in their lives & relationships.
I am a member of Wrong Planet only as a hobby in the hopes that I can communicate with other people I can relate to, and that my posts & stories can somehow make a difference in the lives of other members. I tell the truth on all of my posts, and I have read some interesting & profound stories on here. I am not a moderator or have any affiliation with the management of the site. It is not my job, and I only devote as much time to this web site as I can in my free time.
Once again, you have to know me & the entire story to understand why I was so unhappy.
I do not appreciate your attacks at all, and I do not want any further advice from you either. You do not get a second chance to make a good first impression on someone. Please remember this fact in the future, and try to be more sympathetic & get to know them before you judge them.
Last edited by 300series on 27 Aug 2017, 1:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,987
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
27 Aug 2017, 11:56 am
blueroses wrote:
ZeroGravitas wrote:
I think we aspies have a much higher likelihood of entering abusive relationships, simply because we don't have anything to compare them to. Only after being in one, and then spending a long time along thinking about it, did I fully learn the warning signs so I could avoid entering another one.
Maybe we should all share signs and kind of create a list, for those with less experience in this area? I mean, your story is full of red flags, I know, but it still might be helpful to have them spelled out. And, I think there are signs of abusive relationships that are not as dramatic or obvious as some of the ones in your story and, as such, are easier to miss.
I think a big one is trying to take control of your finances. Obviously if they can exert more control over your resources then it will make it harder to leave their abuse...because then you have some dependence on them to get by financially.
I understand people can fall into that, because why would your S.O ever do anything to screw you over? So maybe its assumed they have good intentions, so not judging people who have fallen for that kind of thing...but as a warning I'd say that is a huge red flag.
_________________
We won't go back.
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
27 Aug 2017, 9:28 pm
300series wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
300series wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
:evil:
You should have gone to the zoo. When things take a sudden turn for the better and someone asks you out for the day like that, it means they are trying to break up with you on good terms. You didn't leave her that option. I'd be pissed, too.
Though to be fair, she could have just worked with you to find a better day. If I need to leave my lover, I make a point to be flexible.
300series wrote:
I had an abusive relationship a few years ago, but it was not like the original poster's experience.
I met my abusive ex-girlfriend 3 years ago at a social meeting on my 29th birthday, and after we introduced ourselves, we exchanged our telephone numbers & E mail addresses. She seemed like a very nice young lady when we first met, and we had a great time together during the first year of our relationship. We used to go to the mall, have lunch together, see movies together, and go to all of the department stores in the mall. She introduced me to her family, and I introduced her to my family, and we all seemed to like each other. We even went to the annual Summer fair together, and we also went to a San Diego Padres baseball game together. Every day, we always talked on the telephone, and I would always E mail her every night before I went to sleep. That year, she came over to my apartment for Thanksgiving dinner, and I went to her house for Christmas. Things were going great, and I was really happy. I even deleted my profiles on the online dating services I was using.
The next year, 2015, our relationship began to decline, and it just continued to get worse & worse until it ended.
In February, 2015, my work schedule changed, and I could not go with her to the social functions or see her as often as I used to see her, which made her angry.
On my 30th birthday, my grandfather bought me a new condominium as a gift. I invited my girlfriend out to dinner to celebrate my 30th birthday, and I told her the news that I was moving. She wanted to move in with me & marry me. My Dad knew that I never wanted to get married, and he & I were both uncomfortable with someone living with me. He contacted her father & told him what she said at dinner. Her father did not want her moving in with me either, and he confronted her about it & said that she could not move. She took it very hard. It was also during this time when my affection for her started to decline.
I could not actually move until 6 months later because of legal issues regarding the sale of the property, so I stayed in my apartment in the meantime. I started to get extremely depressed about not moving & suffering in this abusive relationship to the point that my antidepressant medication stopped working. I could not eat, sleep, or even stand up straight. I started crying all the time, and I could not feel pleasure; everything in my life was going wrong. I went to my doctor & was put on many new medications, and they made me feel even worse than before, so I went back to my old antidepressant.
When I finally moved in to my new place, I was not any happier. My girlfriend was constantly calling me, and she always cried whenever I missed her call. She was also angry with my Dad, and she would get mad at me whenever I spent time with him. She even threatened to leave me if I ever spoke to him again.
I saw her for the last time on Halloween night 2015; we went to the mall to see a movie. She seemed nicer to me, and I thought things may improve between us. I was wrong; however, because the next day, she demanded that I take her to the San Diego Zoo, but I had already made plans with my Dad. She called me constantly that day, and I refused to take her calls because she made me cry badly that day.
Five days later, she called me & said she did not want to see me any more, and we broke up. She told her father that I sexually abused her, and he E mailed my Dad about it. This was false, and I think she just said it to get me in trouble.
Even over a year after the relationship ended, I was still very depressed. It has only been about six months that I fully recovered & started to feel better. I am finally happy again & back to my old self again. I would still like to meet a woman, but I am even more selective & cautious about who I will date.
It was the worst experience of my life!
I met my abusive ex-girlfriend 3 years ago at a social meeting on my 29th birthday, and after we introduced ourselves, we exchanged our telephone numbers & E mail addresses. She seemed like a very nice young lady when we first met, and we had a great time together during the first year of our relationship. We used to go to the mall, have lunch together, see movies together, and go to all of the department stores in the mall. She introduced me to her family, and I introduced her to my family, and we all seemed to like each other. We even went to the annual Summer fair together, and we also went to a San Diego Padres baseball game together. Every day, we always talked on the telephone, and I would always E mail her every night before I went to sleep. That year, she came over to my apartment for Thanksgiving dinner, and I went to her house for Christmas. Things were going great, and I was really happy. I even deleted my profiles on the online dating services I was using.
The next year, 2015, our relationship began to decline, and it just continued to get worse & worse until it ended.
In February, 2015, my work schedule changed, and I could not go with her to the social functions or see her as often as I used to see her, which made her angry.
On my 30th birthday, my grandfather bought me a new condominium as a gift. I invited my girlfriend out to dinner to celebrate my 30th birthday, and I told her the news that I was moving. She wanted to move in with me & marry me. My Dad knew that I never wanted to get married, and he & I were both uncomfortable with someone living with me. He contacted her father & told him what she said at dinner. Her father did not want her moving in with me either, and he confronted her about it & said that she could not move. She took it very hard. It was also during this time when my affection for her started to decline.
I could not actually move until 6 months later because of legal issues regarding the sale of the property, so I stayed in my apartment in the meantime. I started to get extremely depressed about not moving & suffering in this abusive relationship to the point that my antidepressant medication stopped working. I could not eat, sleep, or even stand up straight. I started crying all the time, and I could not feel pleasure; everything in my life was going wrong. I went to my doctor & was put on many new medications, and they made me feel even worse than before, so I went back to my old antidepressant.
When I finally moved in to my new place, I was not any happier. My girlfriend was constantly calling me, and she always cried whenever I missed her call. She was also angry with my Dad, and she would get mad at me whenever I spent time with him. She even threatened to leave me if I ever spoke to him again.
I saw her for the last time on Halloween night 2015; we went to the mall to see a movie. She seemed nicer to me, and I thought things may improve between us. I was wrong; however, because the next day, she demanded that I take her to the San Diego Zoo, but I had already made plans with my Dad. She called me constantly that day, and I refused to take her calls because she made me cry badly that day.
Five days later, she called me & said she did not want to see me any more, and we broke up. She told her father that I sexually abused her, and he E mailed my Dad about it. This was false, and I think she just said it to get me in trouble.
Even over a year after the relationship ended, I was still very depressed. It has only been about six months that I fully recovered & started to feel better. I am finally happy again & back to my old self again. I would still like to meet a woman, but I am even more selective & cautious about who I will date.
It was the worst experience of my life!
You should have gone to the zoo. When things take a sudden turn for the better and someone asks you out for the day like that, it means they are trying to break up with you on good terms. You didn't leave her that option. I'd be pissed, too.
Though to be fair, she could have just worked with you to find a better day. If I need to leave my lover, I make a point to be flexible.
WHOEVER YOU ARE, "ANGELRHO", IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY, THEN SAY NOTHING AT ALL!
YOUR OBNOXIOUS COMMENT IS NOT HELPFUL AT ALL!
I'm dead serious. If you ever read my posts when the break up topic comes up, that's almost word-for-word what I tell people to do. Go to the zoo, park, or somewhere meaningful, like maybe where you went on your first date, or where ever you where when you became "official." First kiss, whatever. Set aside an entire day. Make it super nice. At some point in the early to mid afternoon, you find a place to sit down. Keep the usual chit-chat going, then drop the bomb. Just like that. Be prepared for whatever happens next, but stay calm and keep your whits. There might be tears, there might be screaming. But you try to end things on good terms if at all possible. Whatever happens, it's definitely over and done by sunset. You make a day of it because you don't know what's going to happen. You don't just dump someone and run. You see it through all the way to the end.
I tell everyone that. Good grief, it's like this girl was reading my playbook.
I'm not saying how she treated you was right, though. It looks to me like trying to leave you gracefully was the only good thing she had going for her. Decent people wouldn't lose patience like that. She should have worked things out first, figured out when YOU were free/didn't have plans, and scheduled a breakup date accordingly. She tried to be nice toward the end, which is good. But heinous people never can keep that act up for long.
At any rate, congrats on getting away from an abusive person.
AngelRho:
While I thank you for your explanation, I am a sensitive & private person, and what you posted yesterday was very hurtful & offensive to me, and I feel that I must defend myself:
I have never heard of you or read any of your posts, so I know nothing about you. You do not know me or anything about me either. You have to know me well & know the entire story of this relationship to fully understand & be compassionate toward me & what I went thru. What I posted on here was only a concise synopsis & timeline of the relationship & its principle elements. The entire story is VERY long & complicated, and it is known only to me & the few other people in my life that I am closest to. It would take several hours or days to write or tell the entire story. While you are older & more experienced with relationships than me, the fact remains that every one is different & goes thru different situations & circumstances in their lives & relationships.
I am a member of Wrong Planet only as a hobby in the hopes that I can communicate with other people I can relate to, and that my posts & stories can somehow make a difference in the lives of other members. I tell the truth on all of my posts, and I have read some interesting & profound stories on here. I am not a moderator or have any affiliation with the management of the site. It is not my job, and I only devote as much time to this web site as I can in my free time.
Once again, you have to know me & the entire story to understand why I was so unhappy.
I do not appreciate your attacks at all, and I do not want any further advice from you either. You do not get a second chance to make a good first impression on someone. Please remember this fact in the future, and try to be more sympathetic & get to know them before you judge them.
What "attacks?" When did I "judge" anyone? All I did was suggest that going to the zoo was a good opportunity to cut the girl loose.
I'm already well aware of the highly critical environment of WP and am no stranger to the occasional reprimand from mods. I noticed my original mention of this has been creatively edited. It's interesting, because emoticons are out of character for me, but mods will do as they wish in the best interests of the forums. Thing is, provoking WP members is against TOS, another fact I'm well aware of and something I make a point to avoid. So if simply mentioning that going to the zoo to break up with an abusive gf is all it takes to trigger someone, I'm wondering who is really being attacked?
28 Aug 2017, 12:50 am
The last thing someone needs is to be with their abuser again and see them and even have contact with them so it's pretty common to just run and ignore their texts and calls.
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
28 Aug 2017, 5:07 am
League_Girl wrote:
The last thing someone needs is to be with their abuser again and see them and even have contact with them so it's pretty common to just run and ignore their texts and calls.
Good point. What 300 doesn't know about me is I also have a "long story" that ended badly. I almost called the police on her at one point.
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