Got a message from someone on OkCupid.

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emlion
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06 Apr 2011, 9:25 am

daspie wrote:
Magnus_Rex wrote:
Since I got no reply and no more visits from her on my profile, I guess I can safely assume she's not interested anymore. Once again, I messed up. I wonder if I should ask her about what did I do wrong...


...She could at least try to make up a damn excuse, like "I'm seeing someone" or "Step off, you creep". Getting no reply is incredibly frustrating.

Do not ask her directly if at all. NTs have huge trouble in being direct. Send her a friendly informal message and then see what happens :)?


Asking her directly would get the best feedback, in my opinion.

It's not easy to dodge a question with an excuse if asked directly.



daspie
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06 Apr 2011, 10:08 am

MCalavera wrote:
daspie wrote:
Magnus_Rex wrote:
Since I got no reply and no more visits from her on my profile, I guess I can safely assume she's not interested anymore. Once again, I messed up. I wonder if I should ask her about what did I do wrong...


...She could at least try to make up a damn excuse, like "I'm seeing someone" or "Step off, you creep". Getting no reply is incredibly frustrating.

Do not ask her directly if at all. NTs have huge trouble in being direct. Send her a friendly informal message and then see what happens :)?


NTs struggle with something?

They are trained in saying things indirectly because the person using his/her theory of mind will figure out the unsaid. It is very difficult for them to be direct.



hyperlexian
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06 Apr 2011, 10:51 am

okay... my opinion is that you could send another message. i would not even acknowledge the first message was sent but treat this like a fresh start. in a sense, when you sent a short reply, it put the ball quite heavily into her court, which is a lot of pressure on her to keep the conversation going. she doesn't even know why exactly you are interested in her yet. in the message i would discuss stuff you read about on her profile, not something you saw in her pic.



hyperlexian
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06 Apr 2011, 10:56 am

the reason i suggest discussing stuff you read on her profile is because the rating system implies that you find her physically attractive. people rate for lots of reasons, but physical beauty is the implication. so by talking about her profile you are giving the impression you find her interesting and aren't just creeping on her pix. she might not reply but you have nothing to lose! good luck.



The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Apr 2011, 11:24 am

All this fuss just because you have received a 1 message on okcupid? Thanks the dark gods of the old that you aren't a girl.



daspie
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06 Apr 2011, 11:48 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
All this fuss just because you have received a 1 message on okcupid? Thanks the dark gods of the old that you aren't a girl.

I like your point.



Magnus_Rex
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06 Apr 2011, 1:50 pm

Can't argue with that. But for a guy who's never been in a relashionship (admittedly, I've never tried to approach a girl, so maybe it's my fault. And by maybe, I mean certainly), 1 message on a dating site is like a 6-thousand-year-old dinosaur fossil for a creationist.



RainingRoses
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06 Apr 2011, 4:37 pm

axeb wrote:
Its just like when girls play with their hair or adjust themselves in real life.

Huh? (I thought that's what we did?!?)



axeb
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07 Apr 2011, 1:59 am

RainingRoses wrote:
axeb wrote:
Its just like when girls play with their hair or adjust themselves in real life.

Huh? (I thought that's what we did?!?)


I'm not sure what you mean by 'we'. Do you mean men, Aspergians...? In any case, I am referring to clothing, hair, and the like, not men adjusting their genitals due to arousal, which, as an aside, you should never be caught doing. I suppose anyone could adjust themselves the moment they are conscious of their outward appearance.

I think hyperlexian gave good advice. You should have tried saying something more. Everything isn't strictly 1:1 communication. Its difficult to get past that sometimes, but I think in this case it was up to you to, in essence, complete your thought after rating her. Instead, you gave a comparatively aloof reply, which makes it seem as she was just one of a bunch of pictures you scrolled through.

Yet, all is not lost. Try sending something simple such as "Your boxing pics caught my eye. How long have you been training? I'm a boxer myself. My name is ____, btw"


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