I deserve to punish myself

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MXH
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01 May 2011, 1:45 pm

Bethie wrote:

RICKY5 wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

Brian, I hear you.

I have failed to connect with any woman romantically and I'll be 29 this year. I did try with a girl from work last year, I really did, but she only sees me as a friend.

I will probably end up a 30 year old kissless virgin, and all due to my awkwardness, Aspieness, and insecurity.

You are not alone at all. All around me I see people pairing up and getting married. They move on with their lives, and I'm just left behind in the dirt. Still on the starting grid.

Get an escort and be done with it.

Has it occurred to you that some men want more than to stick their penis in another person?

Itis something only men who have experienced it can relate to.

Another_Alien
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01 May 2011, 2:18 pm

Brian

Don't take this the wrong way, but you're the classic 'nice guy'. You're highly intelligent and a thoroughly decent man. You're going to be a wonderful husband and father one day. But you come across as a bit wimpy (no offence). As corny as it sounds you need to man up a bit. Women (generally) want men who are purposeful and masculine, whilst still being decent. Basically just get out there and take some risks. Ask as many women out as you can. Some will say no. Some will say yes, but it won't lead to anything (it might even be a disastrous first date). But eventually you'll meet the woman of your dreams. It might take a few years, and some humiliation to get there, but there is no other way. You have to meet the wrong women before you meet the right woman. Trust me on this.

If you take this advice I promise you'll be OK. If you don't you'll only have yourself to blame.

emuman100
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01 May 2011, 7:27 pm

Another_Alien wrote:

Don't take this the wrong way, but you're the classic 'nice guy'. You're highly intelligent and a thoroughly decent man. You're going to be a wonderful husband and father one day. But you come across as a bit wimpy (no offence). As corny as it sounds you need to man up a bit. Women (generally) want men who are purposeful and masculine, whilst still being decent.

If I had a dollar for every time someone said this to me I'd be rich! I guess I kind of "manned up" as I got older.

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all_white
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01 May 2011, 7:37 pm

Another_Alien wrote:

That's not very nice. :evil:

People can't help the way they are. It's no good telling them to change major things about their personality. Especially when they have Asperger's.

Another_Alien
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02 May 2011, 4:33 am

all_white wrote:

Another_Alien wrote:

That's not very nice. :evil:

People can't help the way they are. It's no good telling them to change major things about their personality. Especially when they have Asperger's.

Oh come on, I'm telling him he's a great guy, and that he just needs to tweak a few things. That's true of all of us.

Bethie
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02 May 2011, 10:51 am

I'd kill to be find a man capable of writing such powerfully heartfelt things, and brave enough to share them with me.

If that's unmanly somehow, I guess I don't want a "real" man.

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Another_Alien
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02 May 2011, 12:02 pm

Bethie wrote:

I'd kill to be find a man capable of writing such powerfully heartfelt things, and brave enough to share them with me.

If that's unmanly somehow, I guess I don't want a "real" man.

What he wrote was brilliant. It's his unwillingness to do anything about his current predicament that I was referring to.

And I didn't say he wasn't a real man just that women - generally - are attracted to assertiveness in men.

Bethie - please don't keep skewing what I write. lol

Brianruns10
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02 May 2011, 7:56 pm

But every time I try new things, try different things, try to be better, to be the kind of man someone would want, but no one wants it. I try being more low key, I try being more assertive. What was so unassertive about the fact that I sent this girl two friggin gifts and she still rejected me.

I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, why I can't get any girl to feel an iota of attraction to me, when I get so intensely attracted to every girl I meet.

Then I wonder, is it because I'm irreversibly damaged being an aspie? Is it because I'm just starting in my career, without money, at the bottom of the rung, and therefore, not viable to a woman who wants a man of status and money?

Jeez, my coworker whom I had a huge crush on and asked out to the movies a few times (never accepted), revealed she's dating a goddamn dentist. I could be so perfect for her, if she'd only quit being so goddamn shallow and materialistic and see what potential I have. I'm going to be successful, and wealthy and respected, and EVERYTHING some day. It may take longer than others, but dammit, I'm worth the risk if someone will just give me a mother f*****g chance!

bucephalus
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02 May 2011, 8:35 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:

Dentists are quite well off tho aint they? And dating one could lead to getting some free work done on the teeth. On a serious note Brian, your letter was top notch - there was absolutely nothing pathetic about it. You don't need to man up - If you do, I certainly do as I've given up telling people how I feel about them - if they want to know they can ask, end of.

(Personally) tho, I wouldn't recommend sending gifts in the future unless you can already sense some interest from the recipient.

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hale_bopp
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02 May 2011, 9:00 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:

I sent this girl two friggin gifts and she still rejected me.

I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, why I can't get any girl to feel an iota of attraction to me, when I get so intensely attracted to every girl I meet.

Then I wonder, is it because I'm irreversibly damaged being an aspie? Is it because I'm just starting in my career, without money, at the bottom of the rung, and therefore, not viable to a woman who wants a man of status and money?

Jeez, my coworker whom I had a huge crush on and asked out to the movies a few times (never accepted), revealed she's dating a goddamn dentist. I could be so perfect for her, if she'd only quit being so goddamn shallow and materialistic and see what potential I have. I'm going to be successful, and wealthy and respected, and EVERYTHING some day. It may take longer than others, but dammit, I'm worth the risk if someone will just give me a mother f***ing chance!

1) First lesson: You cant buy love. Don't bother sending gifts to win affection, it won't work. It also seems sort of desperate.

2) Maybe she is attracted to the dentist? Just because someone happens to have a good job, does not mean they are not compatible with anyone or have a crap personality.

3) You obviously aren't perfect for her, or she would have dated you - thats a problem a lot of people have, they think they are perfect and or compatible with someone but it's completely one sided. It takes two to be compatible.

Get a part time job or some group hobbies. It gets tiring listening to someone who doesn't make much of an effort to meet more people and still complains about it.

I don't have many friends.. bordering on none but I can't complain because I don't make any effort.

trojan51
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02 May 2011, 9:42 pm

She thinks your a "nice guy" and gave you that typical reaction.

Ive learned alot about females lately, and if there is one thing they HATE, its men with no confidence. You will get rejected in life, its part of being a man. All of us have gotten rejected.

Hell, i didnt even get my first real kiss till a couple months ago and have never had a girlfriend

I had no dates in high school because i didnt ask for any and i didnt want to go out with the obese girls that tried asking me on dates because i was so self conscious and insecure back then

swbluto
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02 May 2011, 10:33 pm

jagatai wrote:

Sorry to respond to your posts like I'm stalking you or something but...

STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!

You wrote a good letter.

No he didn't! A primary purpose of the letter was to start a relationship with the person, and basically stating "I'm a loser who does loserish things and I have a god damn negative attitude and you're such a wonderful perfect person I'd love to be with if ONLY you'd give me a chance!" is the thing that causes girls to RUUUUUNNN!! !

Because...

A) Your social positioning is lowered.
B) You elevated her social positioning.

And, by the fact he's elevated her 'worth' above his 'worth', he's automatically out of her league.

What you need to do is THE OPPOSITE where your status is higher than hers! Or, at the very least, make it equal. Geez, people. Learn something about the social hierarchy.

hale_bopp
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02 May 2011, 10:39 pm

I don't agree with the good letter thing either. Even if it was a guy I was considering dating I wouldn't after that. Not in 10 million years.

Brianruns10
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02 May 2011, 10:49 pm

How can I get a part time job when I'm working full time? I do try to get out. I'm out on the jogging trails every day. I smile and say hi to everyone I come across, yet no one looks back...

hale_bopp
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02 May 2011, 10:50 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:

How can I get a part time job when I'm working full time? I do try to get out. I'm out on the jogging trails every day. I smile and say hi to everyone I come across, yet no one looks back...

4 hours in the weekend?
Also if this is the most important thing to you you will get a new job. If your job's more important, I guess you have to cope with what comes with it.

What I mean is a group class.. not the odd random on the street.

MCalavera
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02 May 2011, 10:55 pm

I usually don't listen to women when it comes to advice concerning what attracts women and such (as I've personally been misled and misguided by their advices and answers in the past), but if I were Brian, I'd definitely listen to hale_bopp. She has it so spot on it's shocking. In fact, her tips might be of good use to me personally.

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