Why do women find confidence attractive?

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oppositedirection
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02 May 2011, 10:59 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
Confidence in a man means that he most likely has the ability to protect the woman.
So if a man could find another way to advertise his ability to protect women would a lack of confidence no longer be a problem? Could one substitute confidence with weight lifting and a passion for martial arts? I'm not convinced that's enough.


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RightGalaxy
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02 May 2011, 11:05 am

Another thing: When someone isn't confident, it can be implied that something is wrong with them and that just may be an incumberance to their survival in a very wild world...also to the survival of their mate and especially of their young offspring. If a kid doesn't have one or both confident parents, they grow up with HORRIBLE anxiety due to ALWAYS feeling UNSAFE.
That feeling doesn't feel good at all. Constant, chronic fear f***s up the body. It gives you cancer.



Sallamandrina
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02 May 2011, 11:11 am

oppositedirection wrote:
RightGalaxy wrote:
Confidence in a man means that he most likely has the ability to protect the woman.
So if a man could find another way to advertise his ability to protect women would a lack of confidence no longer be a problem? Could one substitute confidence with weight lifting and a passion for martial arts? I'm not convinced that's enough.


You really should take such extreme reactions with a pinch of salt. In my experience, openly and aggressively "macho" behaviour is usually a sign of trying to project confidence which is usually a sign of lacking it.

Personally I don't need to be protected by a man and I wouldn't want to leach off one - where I live this isn't the norm. What I see as confidence is knowing who you are, understanding your weaknesses, strengths and limitations, though being able to make decisions for yourself so I won't have to carry your weight all the time. Partners support each others through rough patches and tough times but it's not healthy or fair that only one would carry the whole emotional/financial etc weight on a regular basis.

So for me it's important that a man be able and willing share the load and weight lifting or chest banging won't guarantee that, does this make sense?


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RightGalaxy
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02 May 2011, 11:15 am

oppositedirection wrote:
RightGalaxy wrote:
Confidence in a man means that he most likely has the ability to protect the woman.
So if a man could find another way to advertise his ability to protect women would a lack of confidence no longer be a problem? Could one substitute confidence with weight lifting and a passion for martial arts? I'm not convinced that's enough.


I wish I could explain it to you better. It not about physical braun like being a black belt or having a gun. It's more. I guess you can say it's feeling "good enough". If a man feels good enough about himself, then the woman reads that as he is good enough for her. Do you know what I mean? I have it in my head but to express that in a post or with real conversation is hard for me. If someone feels good enough about themself and they love you too, that means their love is selfless or not selfish. Selfish means the man intends to take rather than give. Lack of confidence implies that the gent is needy - that means he will take more than he gives. That's only my opinion. A relationship needs balance. I believe that women wanting confident men to be a mix of whatever kind of animal we humans once were and what we have become nowdays.



arielhawksquill
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02 May 2011, 11:18 am

oppositedirection wrote:
RightGalaxy wrote:
Confidence in a man means that he most likely has the ability to protect the woman.
So if a man could find another way to advertise his ability to protect women would a lack of confidence no longer be a problem? Could one substitute confidence with weight lifting and a passion for martial arts? I'm not convinced that's enough.


Sure--that's what they call the "strong, silent type". If you actually are self-confident and just lack proficiency with the mechanics of conversation, you can demonstrate strength in other ways. Aspies might do well in non-competitive sports (like rock climbing), public performance (like music or juggling), boldly publishing well-argued posts in blogs or forums, participating in activism (like political protests)....there are many ways to show a prospective partner who you are besides conversation. You can always woo her by email once you've got her respect.



RightGalaxy
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02 May 2011, 11:18 am

Sallamandrina wrote:
If you don't want to be poor you should ear your own money instead of expecting someone else to do it for you :P


Up yours. :lol:



Bethie
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02 May 2011, 11:20 am

I don't know that this is a gender issue, per se.

I see guys all the time, including here, declaring that they want a woman who's confident, and not one who's insecure.

For me, that makes it seem hopeless.


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Sallamandrina
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02 May 2011, 11:28 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
Sallamandrina wrote:
If you don't want to be poor you should ear your own money instead of expecting someone else to do it for you :P


Up yours. :lol:


Just sayin' :wink:

You usually seem rather pleased with your domestic situation/life so I thought you were joking and replied accordingly 8)


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BlueMage
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02 May 2011, 12:18 pm

I am strange but I don't care whether a guy is confident or not.

I would not like a guy who is unconfident and as a result reacts to it in a negative way, ie, putting other people down, being needy and depressing. My boyfriend is pretty unconfident, but he's sweet to me and doesn't dwell on it outwardly, so it does not bother me.

The worst would be a guy who is confident but just because he too blind and stupid or full of himself to see his faults. (Dilbert creator Scott Adams comes to mind...)

A lot of women are not so independant though and they want a guy who will feel confident so they do not have to, someone who'll take care of them and help them feel secure.



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02 May 2011, 12:28 pm

I like Confidence in a man or a woman :wink:



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02 May 2011, 12:45 pm

I dunno, but they do.


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emuman100
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02 May 2011, 12:45 pm

I was always looked down upon by women because I wasn't confident.


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02 May 2011, 12:54 pm

I like confidence too, I wonder if I am a woman?


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Ivan_AG
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02 May 2011, 12:55 pm

emuman100 wrote:
I was always looked down upon by women because I wasn't confident.


Are you feeling more confident now?



Joker
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02 May 2011, 1:06 pm

Me mother always said you cant teach confidence :D



Kiran
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02 May 2011, 1:10 pm

A healthy amount of confidence is good. Women generally like men who are confident enough to stand up for themselves and don't get treated like doormats. To me, if a man can stand up for himself it means he can probably stand up for his woman, which is good. On the other hand, to much confidence is just annoying. Narcissism is really not attractive.


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