to have sex or not to have sex with her

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Overthinking, much!? Seriously, you are 30, still a virgin, and inexperienced. Everything you have written has fear written all over it disguised as morality. This is something that can get hugely inflated and bandied around in you head until the moment has gone, and you are left with nothing out of the opportunity. This woman likes you, you like here, you don't have to marry her, and so go with it and see where it leads. Doesn't have to go anywhere at all, but at the end of the day you will have learnt something. If you fear pregnancy, theres condoms for that, no big deal.

Just get on with it!

Actually many women have said that a virgin became easily their best lover, since they were eager to learn new stuff, willing to listen, and didn't have too much delusions about how much their previous experience would help them. Male virginity isn't generally as big as an issue for women as the society, media and other males try to make it look like. Loosing your virginity is only going to boost your self-confidence if you have made an issue about you not having lost it yet.

Social awkwardness is not a symptom of virginity.

Here is a study of college students:

http://www.hawaii.edu/hivandaids/Sexual ... udents.pdf

To summarize:

~22% of participants have retained their virginity at the time of the study (in spite of popular belief, this is actually rarely because of religion). Furthermore, ~44% of women that weren't regretted their decision in a significant way (I don't count those that said they regretted their decision rarely). That means that ~44% of women had lost their virginity and didn't regret their decision in a significant way (assuming the same percentage of women had lost their virginity as men). (Edit2: What's especially interesting about this study is that men actually regret it more than women, in every category of regret)

You may come to discover that the woman that's right for you appreciates your decision to retain your virginity until you find someone that's right.

Edit: By the way, I firmly believe that those that push others into sex regret their first experience on some level, but like to convince themselves that it wasn't their fault for some reason or another. Everything you've written tells me that you're feeling pushed into this and you don't want it, but you wonder if it's necessary. It is not. You should only lose your virginity to someone that you want to share that experience with.

Also: Educate yourself beforehand. I don't mean about the risks of sex (you should, though. There are a lot of misconceptions out there), but rather about how to make the experience more pleasurable for your partner (and, therefore, yourself, though that should not be your primary concern).

No, he does not need to have sex, FFS! Nothing terrible will happen if he remains a a virgin a while longer.

Personally, OP, I think that waiting for someone who you actually love is more important than just getting laid for the sake of it. If you aren't sure, you should wait.

I was relieved to finally get it out of the way. It's made my life much easier. I'd say if she wants to have sex with you, and you're attracted, and she understands that you don't love her, and isn't expecting anything, then why not? Just be honest.

If you don't mind/aren't that bothered, then I'd wait.

I understand your point but why does their attraction have to be expressed "sexually"?
Why can't they just be happy basking in your wonderful character? That's why I am against referring to sex as love-making. Sex has nothing to do with love. It's lust. Lust clouds a lot of true feelings. Does a person want to hurry up and get it on because they want to see if you're good in bed or not? There's SO MUCH MORE to a relationship than doink, doink, doink!
So, if this guy sucks in bed, does that mean she won't want to investigate all the other stuff he has to give to a realtionship? A person can learn how to be good in bed. Would you go down on somebody when you don't know where they've been? When two people take the time and effort to get to know each other, they both know where they've been - and that answer is "together". A lot of girls and some guys too think that if they quickly jump in bed to show off their sexual prowess, they can snag the partner for keeps. That doesn't work!! !! If all a person is good for is sex, that's not a relationship - it's just a f--k.

Now, that's GOOD advice

really, really good advice.

Do what you feel is right.

Personally I believe if you have to ask this on a public forum, you are not ready. When you know it is right, you won't have to come here and ask the masses.....

I realize all opinions are valid, but I read that first post and it seems to tell me one very important thing: the guy doesn't WANT to have sex with this woman. He's not comfortable with the idea on various personal, moral and ethical levels.

In which case, he shouldn't.