relationships/sex

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I see......that's rather less forward than I imagined these things to be. More like a strong hint than really initiating anything. The usual male method of initiating, as far as I know, is with actions rather than words...particularly with what we used to call "wandering hands."

less forward? hmmm. using open discussion is very forward, in my opinion. it's not a hint at all.... here's another phrase i've used: "i'd like to f**k you like an animal". the man can accept or refuse (yes i have been rejected), and we move on from there. once the intention is spoken, either or both parties can physically move into each other's space - it doesn't matter which person does the physical motions as the intentions are fully understood. no mystery.

to me, 'wandering hands' seem much more subtle than a blunt phrase. words are frank and demand a yes or a no, whereas touches are more like gentle persuasion. the words that i use have been variously called "frank", "open", "refreshing", etc.

but this approach is definitely not seductive. as an aspie i misunderstand non-verbal communication, so if it isn't spoken out loud i don't catch the drift. not everybody likes to have sexuality turned inside-out and demystified with conversation and everything spoken aloud, but it helps me feel safe and aware of what is going on. so i prefer partners who are open to that.

I dunno.....I suspect that long ago I might have ignored a comment such as "I've got a condom" because I might not have realised what that had to do with me or why it was being said. I think I really was that literal. Your other phrase would probably have conveyed the message though. But I think it's easier to ignore words than actions......with words, all you have to do is not respond, while with actions you've probably got to get them to stop, which might not be quite so easy as doing nothing......I once kissed a girl a couple of times, and she later said that she hadn't wanted that, so I guess she'd only allowed it because she didn't like pushing people away. I see what you mean about words being able to take the uncertainty out of it though. I'd much prefer it to be that way, but it seems most people wouldn't.

As for wandering hands, I guess a lot depends on where they go. It could be very subtle or not.

The OP is talking about people in an established relationship. Initiating sex in a relationship is a completely different story from initiating sex for the first time with someone.

Outside of a relationship, there are no easy answers, realistically do not expect a woman to initiate in a clear way. Just because a woman makes out with a guy does not mean she wants to have sex with him.

it is?

oops.

I use words instead of actions when im with a girl but thats just me depending on the kind of mood im in I will just mess with their emotions instead

.1. Do you have physical contact only when he initiates it (meaning that, if you try to initiate physical contact, he shies away)?
yes he shies away. Even when we are in a non sex mode. I try to hug him and he backs like ten feet away, I come to sit near him and he gets up and move to a different spot. Like my body's full of thorns. I wish i could hold his hand or even horse play with him. but it's no touching allowed.
Again it's not a matter of mismatched libidos .
I do think before I type

I'm not so sure. It's different in that with an established relationship you know that the other person finds you generally sexually acceptable (or at least has recently found you acceptable), but beyond that, it's still much the same game. I have a deep-rooted fear of rejection which affects my initiation style, regardless of whether it's a new gf or a longstanding partner. Of course if it's the latter then I tend to feel more encouraged, but the basic style is much the same.


I think it's a horrible thing to do, to make out with somebody you don't actually find sexually acceptable. Why would anybody want to do a thing like that?

Ok... time to shed some light.

My aspie guy says no all the time. Not in that way... more in the "I'm not really feeling anything rivht now" sort of way. For him, it's mental distraction. Deal or die. *sigh*