Abusive relationships, an opportunity to learn about them

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Joined: 13 May 2011
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18 May 2011, 9:03 pm

I had some friends falling for a pyramid scheme, and found that it was easier to stop other friends from falling for it than to get people to give up the idea once they had gone to a meeting with the scammers.

Maybe we've helped someone else avoid trouble just by discussing it. I know I understand it better than I did before this, so it's cool that this came up, even as a result of my foolish comment.

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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18 May 2011, 9:03 pm

Good post, Solvejg. :thumleft:

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18 May 2011, 9:05 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Good post, Solvejg. :thumleft:

Hey after experiencing it first hand i should be able to write a PhD on the topic. LOL. :lol:

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18 May 2011, 9:07 pm

Solvejg wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Good post, Solvejg. :thumleft:

Hey after experiencing it first hand i should be able to write a PhD on the topic. LOL. :lol:

Same here.

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18 May 2011, 9:10 pm

Re: some symptoms of abusers resembling symptoms of Asperger's

That's a little scary, in the sense of providing even more incentive to work on self-understanding and self-control.

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18 May 2011, 9:11 pm

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18 May 2011, 9:18 pm

And this is a good read if anyone is interested.

http://www.aic.gov.au/publications/prev ... /vt02.aspx

What most people forget is that after a marriage or long term partnership ends, the abuse can still continue and in some cases escalate. This is particularly the case when there are children involved. The abuser may also turn towards abusing the children in retebution for the victim removing themselves from the situation.

We should also remember that there are a lot of cases of domestic abuse towards men. These men are offen so ashamed they don't seek help or community support due to the stigma attached.

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18 May 2011, 9:24 pm

Solvejg, oh link mistress, got one for what to do if you think your friend is a victim of domestic abuse? I can't use it now, but I sure could have in the past.

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18 May 2011, 9:34 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:

Solvejg, oh link mistress, got one for what to do if you think your friend is a victim of domestic abuse? I can't use it now, but I sure could have in the past.

1. Approach your friend and tell them that you are there to talk to about anything. Make sure the diagloge is open.
2. Never Judge. Never tell your friend how awful they are being treated. Mention that it might be abuse.
3. Talk to your local GP or community centre social worker. They will be able to help with local information and services available which you can use to help your friend.
4. Never ever say, I told you so or pass any negative comments about their situation.

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18 May 2011, 9:34 pm

Solvejg wrote:

Here in the US, the abuse is often approved in family court by judges that refuse to take the time to listen to the victims.

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18 May 2011, 9:37 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:

Re: some symptoms of abusers resembling symptoms of Asperger's

That's a little scary, in the sense of providing even more incentive to work on self-understanding and self-control.

It's important to note that people can meet a few criteria on that list & not be abusers at all. I think what's important is that we understand how those issues could be potential problems & also that that we try to explain it to our partners so we can try to work on the issues together. Some of those issues may have certain triggers & having our partners know what those triggers are & how they can respond can be quite helpful

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18 May 2011, 9:38 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Solvejg wrote:

Here in the US, the abuse is often approved in family court by judges that refuse to take the time to listen to the victims.

Yes different countries have different laws and attitudes towards different abuses.

Here an Abuser will not be made to limit contact with their offspring unless physical, Sexual or Drug abuse is involved.

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18 May 2011, 9:40 pm

nick007 wrote:

jrjones9933 wrote:

Re: some symptoms of abusers resembling symptoms of Asperger's

That's a little scary, in the sense of providing even more incentive to work on self-understanding and self-control.

It is also important to note that most abusers don't see themselves as abusers and that abuse can go both ways in a relationship.

Just because there is a "reason" for the abuse to occur eg. An Autistic meltdown, it is still a case of abuse if victim feels scared or hurt.

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18 May 2011, 9:47 pm

Hmm ive never been in a abusive relationship but I dont mind being abused by a girl its a turn on

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18 May 2011, 9:50 pm

Joker wrote:

Hmm ive never been in a abusive relationship but I dont mind being abused by a girl its a turn on

It is comments like these that can really devalue a victims suffering and pain. Especially if the victim is a male.

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18 May 2011, 9:52 pm

And cause problems for a particular community, which I guess I shouldn't name here.

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Last edited by jrjones9933 on 18 May 2011, 10:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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