How do you get through the night?

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I'm sorry to say this aaarrrggghhh, and I don't usually judge people but he sounds somewhat a weak, pathetic and possibly manipulative individual who is undeserving of your thoughts let alone your time and energy. The dude needs a kick in the balls if you ask me

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Hello! I am sorry for all your troubles. In simplest terms, people are what get people through the best and worst of times.

Four years ago this July, I separated from my ex husband who succumbed to maudlin depression when he found out he had narcolepsy. He would not take his prescribed medicine and would sleep 16+ hours a day. Ultimately, he had a nervous breakdown. It was hell seeing someone I love dwindle to the nadir of mental illness and paralyzing depression.

We are here for you! Should you need the pep talk of a lifetime I will be glad to provide it!

Hugs,
Leslie

(it's true, HopefulRomantic DOES give the best pep talks ever! she was there for me when i went through a very tough time)

You are all very wonderful and thank you for the support.

It would be much easier without the kids and having to see him, I could give him the kick in the balls he needs and we'd all feel a little closure. Time . I really dislike time right now.

It's nice to at least know survival is possible. For me, there's never been anyone else, so it is incredibly lonely.

I get the feeling you have unfinished business with him, kicking him in the balls might hurt your foot!

A Dear f**k face letter is the perfect way to get closure, write a letter to him telling what you really think & feel about him "no holds barred" then bury the letter, you could put it down the toilet or set it fire to it if you wish tho you need to get rid of the letter without sending it to him. I did that with an ex mine its great

I have been in your shoes ive been lied to and cheated on. I was with this girl who I thought I could trust but it turns out she was like every other girl that ive dated. I can not trust women most of the time because I see the world very black and white with no grey areas. They half to give me a reason to trust them but once they have lost my trust they never get it back. Im bisexual so it would be a little more easy for me to date a guy. But I do not date guys I have sex with them but as for dating them thats not a option for me.

I am no where close to looking for any one else, and I know I won't be until I accept the fact that not all men will be unfaithful and to accept every new person with a clean slate. You are very cynical. Maybe you have not gotten to the point where you are ready to date.

and cdfox7, we have children. There is a lifetime of unfinished business. If I think the nights are bad now....

I wouldn't take anything he says seriously, he's always very disjointed and cynical.

oh

It's his choice unfortunately.

You have my hugs if you need them by the way. D: I won't pretend to know what divorce is like, I'm a little too young, but from what my divorced mother can say it is a terrible thing to have to go through. So you've got whatever support I can give.

thank you very much.

The divorce itself should be easy and uncontested. The feeling like a failure and emotional fallout are going to last a very long time.

I understand that at the same time both you and ex husband each have many parts of you both that we can call roles, let look at two of them roles one being former partners & the other being parents. In the role of former partners the relationship that was is between you & him alone, as parents the relationship also included both your children. Now the thing is & now am speaking from my own personal experience of having a parent with unfinished business with my other 'parent' (spem donor is a better description of that parent) is that your children might inherit your unfinished business that you have with your former partner, do you understand what am saying?

Do you what your children to inherit your emotional baggage?

The only unfinished business we have is parenting. He is expected to be a father and contribute to their upbringing with time, attention and finances...and he will be. That is all.

I hear ya! Just divorced last month after nearly 10 yrs together. 4 kids. Long nights. I can't say I have it all down yet, but so far the nights are either gotten through by falling asleep from sheer exhaustion, enjoying a glass of red wine and some boring non-stimulating t.v., or tylenol pm. I am able to wake when my children need me in the night or early mornings this way, and still have a little alone adult time at night. I have also tried to create new rituals for myself in the hours preceeding bedtime. I have made my bedroom nice and inviting, keeping it tidy and placing things that appeal to me in my surrounding. I took everything that reminded me of him out of my sight. I journal, pray, cry, and do the hard work of healing after the kids are in bed sometimes. It's my time to take care of me and do the best I can to prepare for another day taking care of them.

If I stay awake too long in bed I will get back up. If my mind is too wide awake and my body won't rest, sometimes I'll even get up, put on my shuffle to listen to music loud without waking the children. I'll do something physical to wear myself out physically and focus on the music and my body movements to occupy my mind. Dance, pilates, whatever I need to do to get to a place of being ready to sleep. Sometimes I clean, sort or otherwise organize something.

I don't miss the real "him", I miss the idea of him how I thought he was before things blew up in my face in the many months preceeding the divorce. I miss the man I thought he was, but that person doesn't exist. So I feel kind of like I miss a ghost, like the person I thought I loved is dead. But that isn't it, because he never really was... there were so many lies. This truth keeps me from really "missing" him yet I do long for companionship and the good things that used to be in my life when I thought we were in love.

I sank everything into him for so long and not so much of a social butterfly, finding new support system and friends will be hard. I just moved long distance. But I am going to try. I hope you do the same and find safe ppl to lean on in your time of need.

(((hugs))) It will get better.

Thank You
OhNowIGetIt...... it sounds like a very similar story. Only three kids for me though. Healing is slow. I miss the life we could have had. And he's not missing a thing.

You're very smart and seem to be getting it all together

Don't let me fool you, I got really stupid before I wised up. I may be smart, but that didn't keep me from falling apart before I got to this place. Give yourself time. I'm still a mess half the time, forgetting things when I am usually not like that at all. I'm very much in control personality minus the trauma of the last year or more. So, yes I have good advice and even take it myself most of the time, but don't want to make you feel like you should have it more together or anything. It is a long process.

Contact me anytime for support.