applying pickup skills in real life - an example

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the way this comes across to her is that "he won't prioritize my requests when i've done the wrong thing". thats all it is. no big deal.

being clear and straight forward all the time is aspie behavior. NT communication has far more subtlety to it.

remember, i have aspergers, thus i have issues with empathy. i am emotionally disabled. it would be very easy for me to get mad at her and fire her. but the reality is that humans change and having tolerance within a relationship is important. these are the kinds of subtle messages NTs send back and forth all the time. its why many aspies have "black and white thinking", which i used to have before i learned this.

is it manipulating the situation? sure. but look at my intention. do i have positive or negative intention? of course my intentions are positive. i want my maid to learn to be on schedule so i don't have to fire her.

i'm just sending a small message so she will make more effort to be reliable in future. and i bet she will be, no conversation required. if she isn't, then we'll have a conversation about it. and if she does it a third time, she gets fired.

guywithAS, the situation you've described and how you've handled it is what NTs call "passive-aggressive BS." Good luck with that.

thats what you call it. i call it classical operant conditioning and helping people see the best way to interact with me.

i've not had a single meltdown in 18 months. and 10x more friends. thats only since i started studying this material.

when was your last meltdown? how many friends do you have?

Last edited by guywithAS on 02 Jun 2011, 8:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

I guess we just have to let time tell whether or not there is any loss of goodwill in the cleaner's interactions with you, when she comes round in 2 weeks' time, and subsequently as per schedule. Maybe everything will be OK from now on between you and the cleaner, but only time will tell.

It does sound like you have become so enthusiastic about PUA techniques, that you have got to the point of completely letting them take over your life, and the way you do everything. It must have if you say you are applying it 20 or 30 times a day.

A friendly warning: I have the feeling that if or when something goes badly wrong as a result of you handling some situation using PUA, that you eventually won't be as enthusiastic about it. This has been my experience with things like Christianity, and other belief systems. Which is what PUA sounds like it has become for you, rather than merely just a type of social or negotiation skill.

It's likely the cleaner has reasons beyond her control for not turning up on the usual day.

Oh my god, seriously? You are too ridiculous.

I'm all for setting boundaries, but this is *not* the way to go about it. I'm terribly sorry you think so.

guywithAS, i'm starting to wonder if this PUA stuff is some kind of cult or something. it's getting kind of odd, how you are kind of becoming a spokesperson for it and trying to sell it to us.

anyway, this is my feeling about your examples:

1. you were passive aggressive with your maid, which she has to put up with because you are her boss. this sounds like bullying to me, but she doesn't have much choice except to either quit or become passive aggressive right back at you. bad situation unless you don't mind having a little power struggle. i.e. when she starts coming later and later, or shows a bad attitude when you ask her to do something, or does the job half-assed, or when stuff gets randomly rearranged so it is not missing but just... not quite in the right place... let us know. we can explain what happened there.

2. you called your dad back. good for you! (not sure why this is a big deal, but it sounds like you need some positive reinforcement for it.)

3. you thanked a company for telling you on the phone that they couldn't fulfill an order. uhhh i think most people do this. you didn't get angry with them. that's good.

one little thing... it sounds like the beekeeper has superior customer service and manipulated you into not getting mad. the company didn't deliver (negative), but then made a personal call (showed you how special you are as a customer), and even had you thanking them for not providing the goods! they seem to have manipulated you quite a lot... exactly which person was using the PUA techniques here?

Wow. The beginning of a power battle with the maid. Someone has big problems in their life

I dont think PUA works for aspies, i think there are componants in it which are too subtle for aspies to do. For example every aspie I know does lots of 'negs' but these have the effect to put off women not make them more interested, so the PUA who practices 'negs' must do something else aswell.

I also suspect PUAs do things which they are not consious of and cant report on such as subltle eye movements or postures. NT men might copy these body languages or subtle changes automatically when they practice the PUA stuff as often how people thinks comes across subconsiously in their body language.

But for aspies I think it is harder and what we are thinking often does not show or shows the wrong thing.

I think aspie men are better off practicing being more complimentory and nice and appealing to women who value loyalty and stability and want a long term partner, who may overlook some of the aspies nerdy/awkward qualities. They wont be able to keep up the PUA image long enough and will get dumped when their true self shows if they go for women who like that sort of thing. They need to go for women who find aspies attractive to have a long term relationship.

guywithAS, I'm curious to know the answer to another question. Have you had any success actually using PUA for its intended purpose, i.e. to psychologically win over a female and get into a relationship that way?

I agree that PUA has too many sales-like elements to it that might distance one from natural connectability with someone.

One of the best replies on this topic so far.

Im not really that into pick up but from what i understand kino is physical touch.

Also i dont know how long you have been training this stuff, because what the good pick up artists do you wont be able to do the same advanced stuff in one tenth of the time they practiced it. You cant get into a formula one car and expect to drive with the pros without a life of rigorous training, you will crash and die. So be carefull with how much you use it.

guywithAS, quote]

i've not had a single meltdown in 18 months. and 10x more friends. thats only since i started studying this material.

when was your last meltdown? how many friends do you have?[/quote]


This was the best reply imo.

Seriously. Just be grateful that you can afford a maid. I gotta do all my cleaning myself.

I was think the same thing hun as theres elements of covert evangelism and Guerrilla marketing tactics that I pick on from a few of the pro PUA posters. I think its now time that theres cult recruiters do get lost as I get the feeling that there's a Project Mayhem going on

glad i wasn't the only one to notice it. i could see a website like WP with 50,000 socially awkward members being a very large potential market indeed.

this OP has several times mentioned that he is personally acquainted with some of the PUA authors, and has even gone so far as to state that these famous PUA could be aspies... which is a very good sales technique ("they used to be 98 pound weaklings just like you"). by encouraging people to believe that somehow those PUA are also just like us on the inside, we become an easy sell.

And that's no bueno.