Males with aspergers - STOP BEATING YOURSELVES UP!

Page 2 of 10 [ 149 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 10 Next

Staz
Hummingbird

Joined: 2 Jul 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 20

05 Jul 2011, 8:25 am

I am a female who does not feel the need to be "kept safe" by a strong guy. Physical appearance, strength, number of friends, bank account size, material possessions, and job position are all completely irrelevant to whether or not I find a guy attractive. I respect myself and I am attracted to men who respect themselves, I have a great mind and am attracted to great minds. I do not enjoy being generalized into a "woman" stereotype.

Grisha
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Oct 2009
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,336
Location: LA-ish

05 Jul 2011, 8:30 am

I'm not really "down" on myself, I just believe it would be borderline immoral to inflict myself on someone: my Aspie traits are too severe to be able to meet a woman's emotional needs properly.

CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 116,973
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love

05 Jul 2011, 8:36 am

As a working class hero, I would like to point out that I'm not interested in the size of a man's bank account or status. As a masculine woman who takes being called a man as a complement, I am not interested in a man's strength. As someone who's Gay, I'm not really all that interested in the opposite sex, except for one solitary man about 30 years older than me who's a highley sensitive person and a working class hero. I'm so masculine that I look like a young version of him, anyways. I wouldn't have it any other way.

_________________
The Family Enigma

Magnus_Rex
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Oct 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,704
Location: Home

05 Jul 2011, 8:45 am

hale_bopp wrote:

You know you really aren't any worse at picking up women than the average bloke.

Statiscally speaking, I am. At least the average bloke had at least one girfriend before he was 20.

hale_bopp wrote:

You should see some of the garbage I get in my NZ dating inbox. I bet every member of this forum could write a better message. I think you're way too hard on yourselves.

I doubt it. When I manage to compose a message that is acceptable enough to elicit a reply, my following message will invariably result in no more replies.

Whatever. My real goal is to be financially independent. A girlfriend would probably make it more difficult, eh? Although even my mother tells me I should get a girlfriend...

hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

05 Jul 2011, 8:48 am

Dark_Lord_2008 wrote:

Females usually date guys between 2 to 5 years+ older themselves. Why is that the case?
The females say it is maturity but that is not always the case. The older guys have usually worked longer and have more money, more power and more status: factors that attract the younger female. A male is like a bus: there is always another one waiting. Dating is a numbers game.

Males predominantly outnumber females every where in the world between the age ranges of 0 to 65. Only in the older age groups do females out number males. Females biologically live longer than males on average by 3 to 5 years.

the more feminist and liberated a nation is, the less of an age gap there is between the males and females who marry. it is actually a sign of a lack of equality when there is a large age gap.

so before you get off thinking that women are "selecting" men who are older or more powerful, perhaps you should consider that there are other social forces at work.

_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105

Last edited by hyperlexian on 05 Jul 2011, 8:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

Grisha
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Oct 2009
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,336
Location: LA-ish

05 Jul 2011, 8:50 am

Magnus_Rex wrote:

Whatever. My real goal is to be financially independent. A girlfriend would probably make it more difficult, eh? Although even my mother tells me I should get a girlfriend...

Not more difficult, just less fun! I get to spend all my extra money on toys... :wink:

jrjones9933
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,144
Location: The end of the northwest passage

05 Jul 2011, 9:04 am

Beating oneself up seems like a hard habit to break. I just try to relax a bit more each day.

No one ever looks stupider than when he thinks he has it all figured out.

_________________
"I find that the best way [to increase self-confidence] is to lie to yourself about who you are, what you've done, and where you're going." - Richard Ayoade

Last edited by jrjones9933 on 05 Jul 2011, 9:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

Dark_Lord_2008
Deinonychus

Joined: 2 May 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 348

05 Jul 2011, 9:11 am

A man chooses the woman just like he would choose a pair of shoes, car or food or whatever. In most cultures a man does not need a woman as much as a woman needs a man to provide for her and keep her safe.

The right woman may come along and be regarded as the man's ideal match. The man usually has to ask the woman out and she can either accept or reject him. The man keeps on trying until he finds a match. An Aspie male would be unlikely to have the confidence to ask women out and remain alone. The fear of rejection is too much for some shy, low confident Aspies to even bother risking.

Risk avoidance is how an Aspie male may approach his life. Dating is a risky numbers game. Rejection may be too much for an emotionally immature Aspie male to get over. Rejection can make some of us really, really mad, bitter and resentful. The best way to avoid rejection is through avoidance.

Last edited by Dark_Lord_2008 on 05 Jul 2011, 9:30 am, edited 3 times in total.

anna-banana
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,682
Location: Europe

05 Jul 2011, 9:24 am

jrjones9933 wrote:

Beating oneself up seems like a hard habit to break. I just try to relax a bit more each day.

No one ever looks stupider than when he thinks he has it all figured out.

WP needs a "like" or "upvote" feature for comments like this one.

_________________
not a bug - a feature.

Simonono
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Oct 2010
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,299

05 Jul 2011, 9:28 am

hale_bopp wrote:

I don't know if they are. But all I mean is that "normal" men are often socially inept and more so than aspies... at least aspies try.

No I don't. I win. :wink:

...

hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

05 Jul 2011, 9:30 am

Dark_Lord_2008 wrote:

The right woman may come along and regarded as the man's ideal match. The man usually has to ask the woman out and she can either accept or reject him. The man keeps on trying until he finds a match. An Aspie male would be unlikely to have the confidence to ask women out and remain alone. The fear of rejection is too much for some shy low confident Aspies to even bother risking.

A man chooses the woman just like he would choose a pair of shoes, car or food or whatever. In most cultures a man does not need a woman as much as a woman needs a man to provide for her and keep her safe.

a certain percentage of men and women do not ever get married. there are equal numbers of men and women who die without every finding a partner, in fact.

perhaps there are aspie men who don't have the confidence to ask women out, but it also begs the question... who are the women who stay single, and why don't they ever have a partner either? those women, whether aspie or not, have it just as hard as any man who lacks confidence to find a partner.

anyway... many aspie men do get paired up. they are just less likely to talk about it on a forum compared to the single aspies.

_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105

hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

05 Jul 2011, 9:35 am

Dark_Lord_2008 wrote:

Risk avoidance is how an Aspie male may approach his life. Dating is a risky numbers game. Rejection may be too much for an emotionally immature Aspie male to get over. Rejection can make some of us really, really mad, bitter and resentful. The best way to avoid rejection is through avoidance.

if an aspie man chooses to avoid rejection through avoidance, then he has voluntarily removed himself from the dating pool and has nothing to complain about.

_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105

Rhiannon0828
Velociraptor

Joined: 20 Apr 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 434

05 Jul 2011, 10:01 am

[quote="Dark_Lord_2008"]A man chooses the woman just like he would choose a pair of shoes, car or food or whatever. In most cultures a man does not need a woman as much as a woman needs a man to provide for her and keep her safe.

That attitude could very easily keep you from ever having a girlfriend... and I think I can speak for many women in saying I neither need a man to provide for me or keep me safe. And I am sure that my husband would be fascinated to find out that he is rich, powerful, socialy adept, etc. I tell him all the time that he's hot, but I'm not sure that he buys it. Don't be so sure that you know what women want. There are lots of different female mindsets, and we're all individuals.

MotherKnowsBest
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Nov 2009
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,196

05 Jul 2011, 10:25 am

Rhiannon0828 wrote:

Dark_Lord_2008 wrote:

A man chooses the woman just like he would choose a pair of shoes, car or food or whatever. In most cultures a man does not need a woman as much as a woman needs a man to provide for her and keep her safe.

That attitude could very easily keep you from ever having a girlfriend... and I think I can speak for many women in saying I neither need a man to provide for me or keep me safe. And I am sure that my husband would be fascinated to find out that he is rich, powerful, socialy adept, etc. I tell him all the time that he's hot, but I'm not sure that he buys it. Don't be so sure that you know what women want. There are lots of different female mindsets, and we're all individuals.

If he had the first clue about what women wanted, he wouldn't be on here whinging about being rejected.

*married to a quiet, submissive aspie hobo look-a-like, who's younger than me*

Jonsi
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Dec 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,219

05 Jul 2011, 10:39 am

I didn't mean to punch myself in the eye, I just accidentally- oh wait. Not that.

blueroses
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,178
Location: United States

05 Jul 2011, 11:09 am

hale_bopp wrote:

You know you really aren't any worse at picking up women than the average bloke.

You should see some of the garbage I get in my NZ dating inbox. I bet every member of this forum could write a better message. I think you're way too hard on yourselves.

I tend to agree. Actually, back when I had an active OKCupid account, I came close to posting and sharing some of the odd messages I got on there, just to try to prove this point. But, at the time it had felt way too catty and high school-like to poke fun at other people's faux pas. Now I kind of wish I had done it, though.

Page 2 of 10 [ 149 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 10 Next

Jump to:

Males with aspergers - STOP BEATING YOURSELVES UP! Post Reply New Topic

Males with aspergers - STOP BEATING YOURSELVES UP!